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Apr 23rd, 2003, 10:31 AM
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#1 |
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Pressure=Crumbling
 
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Age: 45
Posts: 326
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Dreams
It was night time. Thats all i knew... lying there, drifting so helplessly. It started as a nice life with a wife and two kids the way most good dreams start. But then, as many of you know, dreams have a terrible habit of going bad. At the beginning I had a cushy office job, a Mercedes and a £100,000 house in the quiet countryside of the East Midlands. Life was good - until...
Let me know what you think AND I WANT YOU TO BE TRUTHFUL If its bad, its bad and thats all i wanna know I just wanna know if its worth continuing... Cheers 
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 Toxic - Force The World To Crumble |
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Apr 25th, 2003, 07:27 PM
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#2 |
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Useless Oracle™
 
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5,136
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I don't think we can give an opinion only reading these few lines...
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Apr 26th, 2003, 02:44 PM
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#3 |
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Pressure=Crumbling
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Age: 45
Posts: 326
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Yea but thats kinda how my storys work.. I leave a cliffhanger right at tghe beginning just to see if those first few lines would have got you interested in the stroy.
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Toxic - Force The World To Crumble |
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Apr 27th, 2003, 01:52 AM
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#4 |
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Useless Oracle™
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5,136
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To interest more the reader, you should post at least 15 lines
 jkBut really, it's not easy to be interested from few lines that don't quite explain anything about the story... this seemed to me, at the beginning, one of those "continue the story" threads, if you get my point. |
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Apr 29th, 2003, 03:02 PM
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#5 |
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Pressure=Crumbling
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Age: 45
Posts: 326
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OK, OK il get to work on it. Please give me a few days cos im really busy sorting out a new sig. Cos my old one is too boring now.
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Toxic - Force The World To Crumble |
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Apr 30th, 2003, 06:18 PM
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#6 |
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ys.
 
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: ex-ex-exeter, disunited kingdom
Age: 42
Posts: 1,137
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probably not best to post until you have a little more.
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Apr 30th, 2003, 07:10 PM
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#7 |
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Extinct.
Joined: Nov 2002
Age: 39
Posts: 1,185
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Your cliffhanger is pretty vague, I mean you could put nearly anything there. I Feel if you are writing a good story you get really involved with it and continue to write and write, not paying attention to how much you've wrote. So try put some more in there.
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May 1st, 2003, 01:47 PM
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#8 |
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Pressure=Crumbling
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Age: 45
Posts: 326
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OK this is the last straw... im outta here. Everywhere I turn today im just getting kicked up. Seeya
(P.S. its ok to have that good riddance party now)
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Toxic - Force The World To Crumble |
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May 1st, 2003, 02:10 PM
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#9 |
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Extinct.
Joined: Nov 2002
Age: 39
Posts: 1,185
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Wow its just criticism, if you cant stand it and expect only praise for what you do thne your wrong. Its not a personal attack, so dont get all moody about it.
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May 1st, 2003, 02:32 PM
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#10 |
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Pressure=Crumbling
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: UK
Age: 45
Posts: 326
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Its not that... I can handle the criticisim and I dont just expect praise cos its just rubbish anyways. Its the fact that everything I do here turns out to be wrong.
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Toxic - Force The World To Crumble |
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May 1st, 2003, 02:38 PM
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#11 |
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ys.
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: ex-ex-exeter, disunited kingdom
Age: 42
Posts: 1,137
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dude, if you post here its to get comments. you only got advice. if you want attention I'll get an admin to delete your account, if not please do not argue with people. nobody is getting at you, take it easy okay ?
closing this now.
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