»

[IcyMourdor]

About seven or eight years ago, I was looking up some things about medieval days. I came across the name of Mourdor. Pronunciation is similiar to the famous land of LOTR. I learned that it was Greek (I may be wrong about this, but honestly, I don't care) and it had two meanings.

1. Dark Knight: It was a simple way of looking at it. A knight who had evil tendancies, but was still loyal to the cause he/she fought for.

I thought it was cool. My friend and I were writing a simple story for fun and that was the name of my character. I am using that name still to this day. My alter-ego if you will. However, I found that there was a more direct translation to it that holds more true to me.

2. Knight of Mourning: Simple when you think of the spelling of it. A knight who fights for the memory of a lost loved one or kingdom.

As of last Tuesday, I found out that someone real close and dear to me has passed away. Death was something I never had to deal with growing up. I just turned twenty less than a month ago and this is the first that I have ever dealt with death close to me. I didn't take it well. I didn't even log on to the forums for a while, which it completely unlike me to not even look here at least once a day.

After this past week, I learned my own ways of dealing with the death of a loved one. This is what kinda sparked my curiousity.

Have you had a major death that you mourned over?
Were you young when it happened?
How did you understand and deal with what happened?

One of the things I have learned from my gf is that I need to be more open with the true feelings that I have. Thus, the reason I made this thread. This forum and site has been a safe haven for a bunch of us with serious problems. It hasn't changed for the 3 1/2 years that I have been a member here.

[tempted]

Originally Posted by IcyMourdor

Have you had a major death that you mourned over?

Yes, my uncle, in october/2003, my aunt one week later, and my grand-father, December/2004. R.I.P.

Originally Posted by IcyMourdor

Were you young when it happened?

I was 24 when both my uncle and aunt died, and 25 when my grand-father died.

Originally Posted by IcyMourdor

How did you understand and deal with what happened?

Well i think i took my uncle's and aunt's death ok, she was sort of expected cause she had cancer, and the treatments weren't working anymore. My uncle however was a bit strange cause he was fine one minute and dead the next. I had my own strange way of dealing with their death, since i had to support both my mom and my father, as well as my cousins, i didn't really have time to stop and think about how i was feeling, i just put my pain aside and tried to helped them. Maybe it wasn't the best way to deal with it, but that's what happened.

My grand-father's death however, was very painful, not only for the death itself, i couldn't go to the funeral because of a lot of reasons i'll keep for myself, but it also brought a lot of other issues to my life, that i wasn't ready to deal with. I haven't till today been able to cry, and i don't think i will ever. And it wasn't expected either, my mom had just been with him 2 days before and despite having a cold, he was ok.

And i'm sorry for your loss Mourdor...it isn't easy. But keep your head up, it eventually stops hurting.

[happy_doughnut]

Originally Posted by IcyMourdor

This forum and site has been a safe haven for a bunch of us with serious problems. It hasn't changed for the 3 1/2 years that I have been a member here.

Yep. That's very true.


Thankfully no immediate member from my family has passed away. Well, actualy... that's not entirely accurate: The only loss I can (very) vaguely remember is the death of my grandmother. She passed away when I was about 4 and I remember leaving the country with my mother to attend the funeral, since she did not live with us.

Unfortunately, I don't remember much more than this. I remember traveling to be at her funeral, but things about her in specific, I don't remember.

As such, this death didn't really affect me, since I was too young to have any real recollections and memories of her. Other than this, though, in my family, there have been no deaths (There is another... a death of a "cousin" of mine, which occured sometime around my birthday. However, for personal reasons, me and this character never got along - it was a hateful relationship. Plus, we never interacted much, anyway, so his death, I'm sorry to say, meant nothing to me.).

However, there was a death last year that devastated me very much: My puppy Duke's. He was a cute little chihuahua, not even a year old (in our years). I had him for almost a year and grew to love him tremendously. It's no secret that I love animals, especially dogs, but I loved my pup beyond belief. It must have been because he was here during my mother's absence, which was almost a year, too, and because of this absence, I was alone most of the time, feeling blue. Well, as soon as he came into my life, I grew much happier and I found the solace and comfort I needed.

I remember how he would jump out of his little bed when I got home all tired from school and would start to jump on me. That went on for many months, and I grew to love his greeting, because I found that he greeted and awaited my arrival with more happiness and love than did even the members of my family. Well, they didn't even know if I was home or not, to put it that way.

The thing is that my pup soon became much more than a pet to me: he became part of my family. He had a very special place in my heart, so much that I began to care more for him than other members of the family. I know maybe this sounds strange, but I don't care; it's true.

Well, when he passed away, which was a few weeks before my birthday, I was devastated. I found comfort in no one or anything for several weeks. After a few months, I felt bettter. I grew accustomed to not having a little being greet me every day at 3.30. Somehow I got into my head that even though we wasn't physically there, he was there spiritually.

That took a long time, though. There was much crying and scorn during those times. I even went through a rather unpleasant period when people would try to console me, saying that he was in a better place, only to have me respond things like: "Where? My desk? Being ashes inside a wooden box? You think I'm gonna believe that? He was burned! His little body was in flames until ashes formed! Now that's all I have." I was just so upset that I become this hideous vile person full of scorn and cynicism.

I got better, though. It did take some time and many nights of tears, though. But then again, I'm not surprised given my nature of dealing with things.

*huggles* I'm really sorry you are going through such a difficult situation, Mourdor. I'm sure it will take some time before you can learn to deal with the situation, but I know you will be okay. I just hope you can find the solace and comfort you need in that special anyone. My condolences and best wishes to you and your family.

[Berserker]

First of all condolences and best wishes to you and your close ones.
I''ve had my share of funerals both family and friends, but I won't go into detail. But it makes me think everytime about life in general and what's really important.

[Piggle_humsy]

Sorry to hear about your loss Mourdor.

I myself sadly have had alot of losses in my life...

My Mum - when I was 6
Aunty Pam - early teens
Aunty Wendy , then shortly after her husband - Uncle Ted. - mid teens
Aunty Kath, then not long after, her best friend who she lived with - Kath, she was like an adopted aunt to me, I lived with both of them alot in the school holidays after my mum passed away.- mid teens
My grandad (mums side) - mid teens
Kiaya My Friends 10 month old Daughter, Me and my sister were her childminders for the short time she was with us. this was an extremely hard blow. - mid teens
Ellis My Brothers Friend - mid teens
My Nan (on my dad's side) - late teens
Jon - My Cousins Husband. - a few years ago
Steve - A Friend - he took a bad ecstasy.. he was like a brother to my best mate. - a few years ago
Aunty Doris - not too long ago this year

Alot of Funerals.

and it looks like my nan (mums side) may not be with us much longer aswell. she is in hospital after suffering a serious stroke. and she's not doing too well.
Her place became my 2nd home after my mum passed away and she was a total rock for my family. my dad wouldn't have coped without her.
so these are hard times.

I don't think I really have dealt with the grief properly for any of them...
Which is why I am trying so hard to get some counselling at the moment..

Don't be afraid to get help if you need it. Talking to someone does help in some cases. although I realise it is not for everyone.

Just know Mourdor that the pain will ease in time... and keeping the good memories alive will hopefully help you along when times are rough.