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[tempted]

Originally Posted by trunks69420

.....

... was less than happy... i was thinking of calling my old 'friends' and gettin high... did i? .. no. i am much stronger than that.. the 23rd i celebrated 4 months of being clean from weed n shit. so i wasnt gonna go back to that over one shitty day. so i didnt. but i didnt even drink either. and anyone who knows me a little.. thats how i deal with my problems... but i didnt even sink back to that. i just stuck it out. and got better by thinking, and figuring out what was really best. ....

*Huggles*... finally something that makes me smile ... i love it when you're strong ... makes me proud to be your friend.

[Redpyramidhead]

Umm yes... So i will be officially revitalizing this thread original created by our own Mena

So I am sitting here at the computer phasing in and out of being somewhat fully awake and almost completely zoned to the point it doesnt really matter where I would be awake a this point anymore or not. Im talking to a couple ppl online. Tiger and Yuna at the moment. Apparently, miss Tiger was at the store for the midnight selling of the new Harry Potter... lol. Now all these ppl are asking her about it. I was also talking to Lost Myth, but she stopped talking n went idle. What's the deal? Oh look there's Mena herself *IM's Mena* Oh look complete convo wit mena:

malintencionado: mena !
benrokuju signed off at 1:52:05 AM

Ummm....

Anyways...

COntinues to stare at screen dazed and confused...

_RED_ stuff

[happy_doughnut]

I didn't sign off. You did.

Anyhow, wow... this thread just keeps bringing itself back, doesn't it? I guess there are just a bunch of night owls here. :o

But yea, it's officially midnite here and I'm pretty tired. This week has been so tough. So many tests and assignments. Ugh. And to think I need to take two more tomorrow. Yeah, on a Saturday. That should be illegal, I swear.

I'm sleepy. z__z Today I went to the Orange County fair, which is very cool since it even gets some tourists from distant place and I am like 15 minutes away. I went with my duck. We saw some animals, walked around, saw some exhibitions, walked some more, goofed off, and ate funnel cake. Pretty nice. It really wore me out, though. But ah, I can't complain; at least I wasn't at school or at home doing chores.

Eek! I think I'm going to go on my midnite rendezvous tomorrow. I gotta say that while it's fun, I get kind scared when thinking of what would happen if my parents found out of my night haunts! I better be careful. :x

On my way home today I was thinking about something: Is there really such a thing as soulmates? I wonder.

At first, I thought that it was just a myth to sothe the heart and soul. Then when I found Ducky, my point of view changed. It's just like the whole rib thing: guys are guys wandering this world in look for their rib, and the girls are the ribs. The catch is that only one rib fits perfectly into the void of the guy. If the rib hurts or falls lose, it's because it's not really yours. Until you find the one you are absolutely comfortable with, then you haven't found your "soul mate." Or something like that.

But yeah, I thought I had found it. However, now that I think of it, I remember that initially, I was going to go to a private high school. Had I gone there instead of the (crappy) one I ended up going to, I probably would never have met him. I'm not saying my feelings have changed, but I do wonder if he is my soul mate. More than that, I wonder if there is even such a thing. Right now I don't think so.

I mean, a simple registration form could have dictated my being with someone else right now.

I don't think soul mates are real. There are far too many people in this world. What are the chances that your soul mate was so strategically placed near your geographically? Maybe you are in New York and your soul mate in Nairobi. How do you know? What are the chances of actually meeting this person? Rather slim, I think.

There's is no perfect fit, I think. No rib fits perfectly. We just have to choose the best one. The one that provides the most comfort, even if it's a little loose or a little tight. You and the rib have to work together to mold it into a shape as close as possible to perfect. No one will ever get it, but the goal is to get as close as possible by complementing each other so as to fill the void or rid the excess.

Yeah, no soul mate, but definitely someone out there that we can function with well - better than with the rest.

... Anyways, what I am talking about? Ahhh... too tired! To bed!

[Redpyramidhead]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

[color=palegreen]



I don't think soul mates are real. There are far too many people in this world. What are the chances that your soul mate was so strategically placed near your geographically? Maybe you are in New York and your soul mate in Nairobi. How do you know? What are the chances of actually meeting this person? Rather slim, I think.

color]

That brings up an interesting point. I mean, what if your possible best fit for a soul mate were to be in Australia only to find out later that maybe she'd be closer to Detroit. Sure its unlikely you'll find a fit close to home in many cases, but it all depends on how much you are willing to mold that rib as you put it into something that fits. You can't go on jamming a bunch of sore ribs in your whole life pretending the pain isnt there and claim to "just be having fun" because in the long run are you really having fun? The other thing though is for me atleast there seems to be once in a great moon somebody I will become close to who seems to be the one of those much better fits. Perhaps somethings about their personality, spice for life, the fact they like me for who I am, etc... perhaps those all fit... but the circumstances at the present moment between two lives seem to be working against all that. Distance could be one of those things. More personal obstacles could be another. I could be lame and sit here and say life isn't fair, but we all know that. But it's also only as fair as you make it. I pray that my karma some day will smile upon me... and my possible soulmate. Karma requires patience... and for the first time in my life... I think I understand the meaning of it more than ever. I am not in a hurry for a relationship right now... I am willing to see how things turn out for me.

So that is my night tavern rant for tonight... my mind lost in thoughts of companionship in my life late at night. It often goes there when I am sitting here alone at my computer at night in the dark... zoning out here and there... thinking of my desire for life. This fire that burns inside me to do so many things... but somehow I keep procrastinating on making things happen for myself. I am caught once again in a loop of sorts. Not necessarily a downward loop... just a loop where I can't get on to the next step so easily. It's been rough making progress with myself ever since I had to move back with my parents after my apartment got broken into and all my music recording equipment was stolen last march. What a major set back. I've felt like I've had to start over in so many ways. A 24 year old man does not belong having to live in his parents house, much less barely have a plan of escape. My creativity is not at its peak here either. I have been trying to record with a cheap ass microphone onto this old ass ancient computer so I can atleast practice some new songs on these beats I been getting from friends. But this atmosphere is totally unfit for letting out my full potential. Just knowing I am in my parents home and stuck here makes it like trying to be productive while in a straight jacket in a padded room. I am suffocating again.

I know that someday I will breathe fresh air again. It just seems so far away. I hope it is not too far.

*zones out again*


_RED_ stuff

[Phenom]

....Err I stay away from that soul mates stuff because it's something I don't really care about. (guess it's because I'm the type who likes to be by themselves.)

Anyways. I finally got 6 hours of sleep. I preferred 7-8, but 6 will do to get me throughout the day, even though my mom gotta go into surgery. >_>

Now with that being said... About the here and now, I'm waking up. Everyone else is sleep. I'm thinking, HELL YEAH.. time to eat some Golden Grahams or 4 peanut butter sandwiches. (Hush up, I work out constantly so I have a tendency to work up a big appetite.) Anyways, 1st thing I do is turn on the tv. Sit down for 5 minutes to turn to the Cosby's, (marathon is on right now) then I go to the kitchen. Peanut butter is in tact. Bread, is low so that's a no go for the 4 sandwiches, then I go to the cabinet. Full box of Golden Grahams. YESSSSS!!!! Is what's running through my mind. Go to the fridge...... THERE'S NO FRICKIN MILK!!! (Now, to my stupidity, thinking that all the doors were closed I flat out said Ain't this a bitch... surprisingly no one heard.) So now that's a no go on cereal and peanut butter. (can't have peanut butter w/o milk) So now I'm just sitting here happy that I got the 6 hour sleep, but mad as hell cuz there's nothing here to eat.

[Pu the Owl]

The more you say "I won't anymore", the more you can't keep promises. Sense of guilt that keeps you awake at night. Things that can't be undone. It never ends when you want to.

And I wonder if somebody will ever be able to really forgive me. Too many words, acts, false rebellions. Forgiveness is never for free. It requires gratitude, humility, sometimes humiliation. It leaves marks everywhere. Definitely not a discreet gift to receive, at least most of the times.

Ineptitude. When you see you cannot learn anything from mistakes and wasted time, it probably means you truly are inept to live.

Better I stay away from the keyboard to read something.

[Redpyramidhead]

It's 2am and i havent taken my medication yet
It's 2am and i havent taken my medication yet
It's 2am and i havent taken my medication yet
It's 2am and I havent taken my medication yet
It's 2am and I havnet taken any of my medication yet
It's 2am and I havent taken any of my medication yet
It's 2am and I still havent taken any of my medication even though it is apparent that i need it
It's 2am and I still havent taken any of the medication prescribed to me by the doctor because i need it at times like this
It's 2am and I still havent taken the medication that is prescribed to me by the doctor because I have issues that become apparent in my repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
repetitive thinking
i have repetitive thoughts in my mind
i have repetitive thoughts in my mind
i have repetitive thoughts in my mind
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whats up with that person staring thru my window woops theres no one there i am going insane woops i already did what the hell are u looking at i mean what the fuck are you looking at even though you are looking away i find myself staring into the bottom of a well oh wait oh nevermind oh hell i am just sitting here like a leaf with no tree without roots that was never even a seed and didnt have any water to make it grow in the first place i am out of intelligent sounding words these days i feel as though i have got just plain dumb at times other times i feel i am slowing down and a part of my brain is never coming back even though i have seen and heard and prayed too much and all i wanna do is eat something even though i gained 20 pounds since i moved back home im still not fat but i wish i was skinny and physically fit and had some muscles to kick some serious ass with even though i dont need to kick ass right now i just want the ladies to dig my sexy bod buy my appearance is nothing special but atleast im not ugly ok im lying im the coolest mother****** in the word but at the same time im not shining im not showing it im just sitting here in the night tavern and i cant even drink this beer that they gave me cuz its too strong i dont hold my liquor well i better man the fuck up n take my fuckin alcohol or maybe i should just go home i am just a white hispanic living in the middle of the woods with my parents who likes to rap and make hip hop music but has nothing hardcore to talk about except the demons i have been fighting in my mind and the heroic aspect of being a bigger and better man in the process but im just sitting here at the computer and u probably didnt even read this far becuase of the still in which i typed this because there is no punctuation and its all just one gigantic run on sentence not unlike my life at times so i dont know where to stop or to begin or to continue or to finish something important i am working on cuz my mind is constantly in chaos and my thoughts are misfiring and arent getting caught by my neurotransmitters or whatever the fuck that shit is i dont remember because that was back in high school when i studied that shit for that senior project bullshit but now i feel like i dont remember anything i have learned in life and im just relearning the same lessons over n over again like some dumb fuck caught in a rut on the edge of sanity and u dont even know some of u may think im wise or even believe it but i am telling u i am only just figuring out all of this shit even though i had it all figured out before even though theres nothing to figure out because none of this make sense and like i said...

its way past 2am and i still havent taken my medication...

so how smart do u think i am now? like i thought... i have no brain left...


cthen again last night i dreamed i was living my life over and over again for the first time and i had the ability to make the right choices this time...


gnight


_RED_ stuff

[Phenom]

Meh, just sitting here waiting for my eyes to get heavy.

Also watching Cowboy Bebop at the moment. Well, not watching it. Just listening to it on my TV.

Question to all those that hang this late. What do y'all do this late? Sit there and stair at the screen? (Like I'm doing now.)

[DSgamer]

its late, wheres mena? i wana play doom with her uhhhhhhhhhh i should sleep, o well. i just downloaded 2 zelda soundtracks and the mario64 soundtrack, im hardcore

[Phenom]

i just downloaded 2 zelda soundtracks and the mario64 soundtrack, im hardcore

ROTFLMAO.
Sorry, that "I'm hardcore got me for some odd reason.

I'm just getting up. (ugh 4 hour sleep) I might be on my way back to sleep seeing that I'm still sleepy. (I'm only up because I had to use the bathroom real bad, and the dream wasn't making it any better.)

[DSgamer]

cant sleep again..... listening 2 coldplay to make me fall asleep............................................ ...... wheres mena?


o weeee romana is comin over

[DSgamer]

god, its 1:20 AM I CANT SLEEP! goddamn it why does this happen to me? i used to sleep soooooooo good but now i cant! bleh!

[Phenom]

Meh, can't get back to sleep. Got alot of things on my mind.

For starters... I think I'm gonna rant a little about why I like to keep to myself. (Mainly stay away from my family members)

Friends... yea, yea "shrugs" Sometimes, they're all the same. Only want to be around you because you got something they want. In my case, I got the muscles (and brains for all you jokers.) to help them move or fix things. Other than that... they can kiss my ass. Lately though, I haven't been around any friends for this to happen. Just thought I'd state this anyway. (Though things'll change next week when I start classes)

With the family members, we'll start with the least person to piss me off and work our way up.

Sister - She's the least person to piss me off though she still have her moments where she just gets an attitude out of nowhere. I get really frustrated when this garbage happens because my mom does it as well. (Is this what guys like to call PMS? Or just bad days?)

Brother - 2nd least, but pisses me off quite alot. His mouth runs 24/7. Annoying as hell, but funny at some points. Unfortunately, the annoying points outweighs the the funny points. He's pretty shady as well. One day he came in with some food (I think it was Thai food.) My mom asked would he go get us (me and her) some chinese food right quick because around 7ish he and my sister had to be somewhere. I was doing repairs on my car at the time otherwise I would've done it myself. (stupid ass engines) Anyways, he says I'm tired, and nodds yes. I'm like c00 cuz I was really hungry. (cuz we haven't eaten all day) He goes to his room, and next thing I know, it's 6:30. (big change from 4:30 to 6:30) He then comes back upstairs. Now I know this guy went to sleep on us. He said... I told yall I would bring it in when we get back....

Mom - We're cool until she starts going through her stages. (And these stages occur every 2 months atleast that's what it seems like) Around July she had surgery (did I spell that right?) done on her shoulder. I know she was going through pain and all, and the days were hot so she's been having very little sleep. I've always tried my best to stay on her good side seeing that she can't really do much. I joke around with her and such. (I backtalk..... it's my way of joking around ok) Anyways... yesterday, all these people that I call my family are in my room. (I moved my room to the computer room because it's much cooler than the attic and them big ass windows.) All of us already had the talk that they were going to be coming in my room to use the computer. I told them up front, I didn't mind it. As long as they're not turning the volume up too loud, or bothering me while I try to sleep. So yesterday, I'm trying to sleep and whatnot. My mom comes in and start putting her feet on me and in my bed. So I smacked my lips cuz she did it all the time, and knew I didn't like it. (Now keep in mind, I am a sarcastic person, and that lip smacking was a sarcastic joke.. again, it's my way of joking, and she knows this too.) Next thing I know when she wake me up around 5 something. She slams my door, and is giving me the silent treatment. I go ask her, is she mad because I smacked my lips... she says yes. (She is mad at me over something so petty.... Is it just me or are these old people acting like children and these children acting like adults >_>) So... poo on her.

Dad - I'll just say this. He complains at every little thing. I'm not gonna go into details about him >_<

And they wonder why I don't like to go anywhere with them >_> Go figure.

I don't know, I think I might change the way I act around these people. I usually try to be the comedian in the family, but the way these people act here... "shrugs"

So that ends my rant. Though I'm still not sleepy enough to get to sleep.

[DSgamer]

that happens because you dont like nintendo

[Phenom]

And I'll continue to hate Nintendo.

[tempted]

well it's now 5.14 am here, i got up at 4.30am after a nightmare, and i can't sleep anymore...it sucks much! ...and i have nothing to do! I was talking to mr Red but as usual he forgot about me . now i'm talking to someone else, that at least is making me laugh...but talking about nakedness at this hour, not sure if it's a good idea.
Oh well...gonna go try and do something.

[Phenom]

12:55 AM. Here I am recording Samurai Champloo. (Don't feel like going to go buy the DVD's just yet.) My dad walks in my room wondering what was the humming sound. (My VCR is a bit weird) But he goes to move my tv around a bit (while I'm recording), and it made my tv go black and I lost the signal from my satelitte. I'm like WHAT THE F*CK!!!!!

Silly ass crap pisses me off these days. Him thinking he can be Mr. fix it comes along and messes everything up. So yea, this is going to be in my head for a long ass time.

[DSgamer]

once again, that happens because you dont like nintendo

[Phenom]

"sighs" That's getting old and a bit lame. -_-
I could become more harsher towards nintendo. (Atleast that'll make me feel good.)

[trunks69420]

i'm up typing on here.. talking on IM... and listening to NIN-live on my xbox... causei was trying to play halo2.. but it was lagging far too much for me to tolerate... ridiculous.... so now i'm bored.. with nothing to do... not wanting to sleep yet... and work tommorow.. what a lovely little night.


and i dont even feel like dirnking.. what the hell.. am i like.. calming down?! woahness.