[happy_doughnut]

Originally Posted by IcyMourdor

This forum and site has been a safe haven for a bunch of us with serious problems. It hasn't changed for the 3 1/2 years that I have been a member here.

Yep. That's very true.


Thankfully no immediate member from my family has passed away. Well, actualy... that's not entirely accurate: The only loss I can (very) vaguely remember is the death of my grandmother. She passed away when I was about 4 and I remember leaving the country with my mother to attend the funeral, since she did not live with us.

Unfortunately, I don't remember much more than this. I remember traveling to be at her funeral, but things about her in specific, I don't remember.

As such, this death didn't really affect me, since I was too young to have any real recollections and memories of her. Other than this, though, in my family, there have been no deaths (There is another... a death of a "cousin" of mine, which occured sometime around my birthday. However, for personal reasons, me and this character never got along - it was a hateful relationship. Plus, we never interacted much, anyway, so his death, I'm sorry to say, meant nothing to me.).

However, there was a death last year that devastated me very much: My puppy Duke's. He was a cute little chihuahua, not even a year old (in our years). I had him for almost a year and grew to love him tremendously. It's no secret that I love animals, especially dogs, but I loved my pup beyond belief. It must have been because he was here during my mother's absence, which was almost a year, too, and because of this absence, I was alone most of the time, feeling blue. Well, as soon as he came into my life, I grew much happier and I found the solace and comfort I needed.

I remember how he would jump out of his little bed when I got home all tired from school and would start to jump on me. That went on for many months, and I grew to love his greeting, because I found that he greeted and awaited my arrival with more happiness and love than did even the members of my family. Well, they didn't even know if I was home or not, to put it that way.

The thing is that my pup soon became much more than a pet to me: he became part of my family. He had a very special place in my heart, so much that I began to care more for him than other members of the family. I know maybe this sounds strange, but I don't care; it's true.

Well, when he passed away, which was a few weeks before my birthday, I was devastated. I found comfort in no one or anything for several weeks. After a few months, I felt bettter. I grew accustomed to not having a little being greet me every day at 3.30. Somehow I got into my head that even though we wasn't physically there, he was there spiritually.

That took a long time, though. There was much crying and scorn during those times. I even went through a rather unpleasant period when people would try to console me, saying that he was in a better place, only to have me respond things like: "Where? My desk? Being ashes inside a wooden box? You think I'm gonna believe that? He was burned! His little body was in flames until ashes formed! Now that's all I have." I was just so upset that I become this hideous vile person full of scorn and cynicism.

I got better, though. It did take some time and many nights of tears, though. But then again, I'm not surprised given my nature of dealing with things.

*huggles* I'm really sorry you are going through such a difficult situation, Mourdor. I'm sure it will take some time before you can learn to deal with the situation, but I know you will be okay. I just hope you can find the solace and comfort you need in that special anyone. My condolences and best wishes to you and your family.