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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 09:02 AM   #1
Virtualeclipse
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Ha ha lets see how funny you are!

Ok. Lets see how funny you are. I want to hear three jokes. Whoevers the funniest gets to be the funniest. So go ahead tell them jokes. They can be long jokes to knock knock jokes. Have a good time. Make the members of ps2fantasy laugh.

Good Luck
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 09:29 AM   #2
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Talking

Jokes arent how we dictate funny in the day and age are they?

Well I'll give it a shoot.

Man walks into a bar


He says "Ouch"



er I'll get my coat..........
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 11:31 AM   #3
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"Warning these are mature jokes"

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Start

A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital. The doctor tells him it's constipation and that he'll need to use suppositories. The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over over, whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind. "You'll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week," says the doctor. Later that evening, the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for help. He tells her what to do, then drops his pants and bends over. She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home. "Damn !" screams the man. "What's the matter?" she asks "Did I hurt you?" "No, "he replies, "But I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders."


Mature sorta Funny pick up line. Probably been heard before

.........Is that a keg in your pants because I wanna tap that ass.

Another Joke

A young guy at a bar notices two girls deep in conversation. He walks over and ask, "You girls want a drink?" "You're are wasting your time,"says one of the ladies. "We're lesbians." "What's a lesbian?" he asks. "We like to eat pussy," she replies. "Hey there!" the guy calls over to the bartender. "Three Drinks over here for us lesbians please."
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 12:16 PM   #4
Big Dude
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They might be a little mature and probly heard before... still funny I think.

1. Valuable scientific data.

The following are two proposed additions to the periodic table of elements (from chemistry class):

Element name: woman

Symbol: WO

Atomic weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


Element name: man

Symbol: XY

Atomic weight: (180 +/-50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good source of methane. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.



2. A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

Fifteen students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further: Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a host."

The student replies, "Ghost!? I thought you said 'goats.'"



3. Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 12:35 PM   #5
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HA HA

Ok this is a good thread. SSSnake i gota hand it to you. That was one funny joke. Ok listen to my joke. Mature.

Their were three Priest in the showers. They needed soup so one of them went out to get soup. He got the soup. He saw three nouns coming down. He went to the side of the wall and acted like a statue. One of the nouns looked at it. And squeezed his penius. He dropped 1 soup. The noun said that it was a soup despenser. Soo the second one squeezed his penius. 2 soups came out. The third one squeezed his penius. Nothing came out. She cept on squeezing it. O MY GOD. She said. Hand Lotion!
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 12:39 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jubei
Jokes arent how we dictate funny in the day and age are they?
indeed. The main problem is that jokes (including the ones that are here) are very, very rarely made up by the person telling them. So, if you're telling the joke, you're not funny. The joke is.

A real funny person is someone who does it on the fly. The kind of person who makes wise-cracks in all their forum posts. humerous observations, that sort of thing. You can't judge it with one thread by telling other people's jokes. plus everyone knows that funny is from cows.

and that the whole funny is from cows thing was stolen from penny-arcade. so don't you dare accuse me of humour.

Edit: Hmm... I know you've marked those Jokes as "Mature" SSSnake, but i'm not sure that we're allowed to be that "seedy" around here. I'd recommend using the spoiler code, but that'd just turn this thread into some kind of peep show.

And stop showing off those ankles.

Last edited by kupoartist; Jul 17th, 2003 at 01:24 PM..
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 12:53 PM   #7
dan da man
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All your jokes are far too corny.


Il get/make up some jokes soon....
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 12:56 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by the_artist

indeed. The main problem is that jokes (including the ones that are here) are very, very rarely made up by the person telling them. So, if you're telling the joke, you're not funny. The joke is.

A real funny person is someone who does it on the fly. The kind of person who makes wise-cracks in all their forum posts. humerous observations, that sort of thing. You can't judge it with one thread by telling other people's jokes. plus everyone knows that funny is from cows.

and that the whole funny is from cows thing was stolen from penny-arcade. so don't you dare accuse me of humour.
Good call Artist, i can't really think of any good jokes that i can honestly say are mine. The only times i can call jyself funny are the things i say off the top of my head at rare moments where a witty comment is necessary. but i can't think of anything in joke form. Damn. Oh well.

If anyone can say a good joke that is from their own heads, please tell it.

Make me laugh Bitch!
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 01:35 PM   #9
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Well it kina depends. If you didnt make up the joke it could still be funny the way ur saying it.
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 03:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Reanimation91

Well it kina depends. If you didnt make up the joke it could still be funny the way ur saying it.
good point. Sometimes the funniest joke can be one of those, what time is it when an elephant sits on your fence...
time to buy a new fence.

When an older guy says that i laugh my ass off.
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 05:12 PM   #11
dan da man
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I just made this one up off the top of my head -hip-hip-joke-


()()()()CONTIANS BAD LANGUAGE()()()()

Eminem and Ja rule are walking down the same street, they catch each others eye, and start staring each other out, they walk over, and a freestyle rap occurs.

Ja rule, starts off rapping about he's shagged Kim, So eminem raps that he's shagged his wife, so Ja rule raps thats he's shagged his m0m, Eminem raps thats he's shagged Ashanti, Ja Rule raps thats he shagged Kim Bassinger, Eminem raps thats he's shagged J-lo, oh now its getting personal, Ja Rule then raps he's shaaged Eminem hommi* Eminem burst out laughing that he cant belive he pays cents for sex.
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 05:44 PM   #12
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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

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The wheelchair!! https://www.xboxaddict.com/forums/ima.../icon_rofl.gif
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Old Jul 17th, 2003, 06:05 PM   #13
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Havent made this onr up, but im in a funny mood tonight....

A newly wed Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife: Y'know sumptin, honey, we have a wonderful system at de fire station.

Bell 1 rings - we put on we jackets.

Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.

Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.

From now on, when I says 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked.

When I says Bell two', you jump on de bed.

When I says 'Bell tree', we's gonna mek love all tru de night."

The next night he came home and shouted 'Bell One' and she stripped naked.

'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed.

'Bell Tree', and they started to make love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled out "Bell Four".

"What de hell is 'Bell Four', woman?"

She replied: "Roll out more hose, man, you ain't nowhere near de fire."

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Why did the irishman wear 2 condoms while having sex?







To be sure to be sure
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Old Jul 18th, 2003, 09:22 PM   #14
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I'm known for being able to make people laugh, but unfortunately I'm not much of a 'joke teller'. I usually make spur-of-the-moment smart-ass remarks/comments. So I'm not really sure why I'm even posting in this thread.

BTW, good one, Sleazy P Martini. Short but funny.
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