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Old Apr 17th, 2003, 07:58 AM   #61
dan da man
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Joke alert, ive got one.

Dont be offended.


There is a French man, a English man, and a Idian man, And they are all on a plane, and it is going down, because there is to much weight, The French man says "Quick we need to throw some stuff out so the plain to loose wieght.''
So, the French man tosses out some French Fries, and the Idian man and English man, asks "why did you do that?", The french man replies, "Ive got enought of French fries in my own country."
The Indian man, looks around, to throw someing out, so he throws some curry out of the plane, the English man and French man says " why did you do that?" The Indian man replies " Ive got enough curry in my own country" so it is the Enlish man's turn to throw someting out the plane, the englsih man looks around for something to throw out, and he throws the Indian man out o the plane, the French man says " why did you do that?" the English man Replies " Ive got enough of them in my own country."

By surpires a Indian told me that.
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 04:39 PM   #62
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DO NOT BE OFFENDED PLEASE

President Bush got a telegram saying they had captured Saddam Hussein. He asked himself how did they do it? and saw another telegram on the flaw which read: if you hadn't guessed we pepperbombed the desert and waited for the prick to stand up!
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 05:33 PM   #63
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A priest is driving down to New York and gets
stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper
smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees
an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord!
He's done it again!"
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 06:37 PM   #64
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Saddam Hussiens 50 Look-A-Likes gather for a meetin in Iraq.

Saddam Husseins Doctor enters the Room and says
"I've Got Good News and Bad News. The Good News is that Saddam has not been killed by the American Bombs..."
"The Bad News, However, Is that He Lost Both Legs..."

Hopefully you will all understand that.
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 06:45 PM   #65
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Q: Did you hear about the 21 year old girl who
knelt in front of the statue of Madonna?

A: She said: "You who conceived without sin, let me sin
without conceiving!"
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 06:46 PM   #66
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Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one
day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink.

He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll
gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll
turn into a mouse."

This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that
night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should
notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that
blasted cat?"
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Old Apr 24th, 2003, 06:56 PM   #67
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A priest, a Rabbi, and a Minster are all gathered together out in the desert to decide how they should split all of the money that was donated to the three reglions that they repsent. The priest saies "lets draw a big circle and throw the money into the air. What we give to God is what lands in the Circle." The minster saies "No, no, no. Lets Draw a big Circle and throw the money in the air and what lands outside of the circle we give to God." THe Rabbi looks at them both and saies "No. We throw the money in the air and what God wants he keeps."
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Old Apr 28th, 2003, 07:32 AM   #68
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Talking More.........

Quote:
Originally posted by Friza

A priest is driving down to New York and gets
stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper
smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees
an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord!
He's done it again!"
that's a good one!!

Hope this isnt too rude......

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

----------------------- and.....


Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."
----------------------

People Really Said These Things In Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.




Piggle
x x x x
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Old Apr 29th, 2003, 01:22 PM   #69
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Here goes:

In case of fire... scroll down

































NOT NOW U THICKO! ONLY IN CASE OF A FIRE!!!

A guy wakes up at 5 am r**** as f*** and asks his wife for a blowjob. She says "Too tired - w*** into a glass and ill drink it later.

The americans have found Saddam Hussein. They sprayed Viagra over the whole of Iraq and waited for the prick to stand up.
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 12:51 AM   #70
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ur mama joke

i got a ur mama joke for you.

ur mama is so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and i asked her what ya doing and she said movin
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 12:57 AM   #71
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Quote:
originally posted by synicalgohan91

i got a ur mama joke for you.

ur mama is so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and i asked her what ya doing and she said movin
Boo this man That joke was from the movie White Man Can't Jump.......hang your head is shame gohan for trying to sneak that one past this ninja.
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 07:53 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally posted by Azuma_Ninja

Boo this man That joke was from the movie White Man Can't Jump.......hang your head is shame gohan for trying to sneak that one past this ninja.

Man you are sad Ninja, I havent seen that movie and didnt know that joke, so thanks for putting it up synicalgohan91.
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 08:12 AM   #73
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Quote:
originally posted by dan da man

Man you are sad Ninja, I havent seen that movie and didnt know that joke, so thanks for putting it up synicalgohan91.
Let's not even talk about sad if you haven't seen the movie. I suggest you do because it's great.
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 08:25 AM   #74
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Quote:
Originally posted by Azuma_Ninja

Let's not even talk about sad if you haven't seen the movie. I suggest you do because it's great.

I wasnt trying to offend you, sorry, it was on TV a couple of months ago but I didnt watch it, maybe I will one day.
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Old Jun 3rd, 2003, 11:06 AM   #75
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Sorry man. Yeah if you get a chance to see it, def do it's great. I was just messing with gohan because we're friends and we're always saying stuff from that movie.
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Old Jun 4th, 2003, 09:30 PM   #76
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i don't even know u azuma_ninja i can't believe u would say such a thing. LOL na its cool just don't let i happen again
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Old Jun 5th, 2003, 09:35 AM   #77
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Quote:
originally posted by synicalgohan91

i don't even know u azuma_ninja i can't believe u would say such a thing. LOL na its cool just don't let i happen again

Thanks for letting me off easy friend.
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Old Jun 5th, 2003, 09:50 AM   #78
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just one mama joke..........
yo mama so ugly she makes an onion cry
owzat
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Old Feb 11th, 2013, 10:48 PM   #79
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It's been forever, and to be honest... I had forgotten about this place. That said... Here is a joke for old times sake.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings it over and as the man is reaching for it a twelve inch man runs down his arm and kicks the beer over. The man sighs and orders another beer and the same thing happens again. The bartender watches with complete curiosity and finally asks the guy about it.

"Well, there was a genie down the road granting wishes," the man said.

Before any further explanation could be said the bartender left the bar, ran down the road, and returned a half hour later with a twelve inch bic lighter. He looks at the man who was still sitting at the bar.

"Yeah, I was going to say I think he was hard of hearing, and misunderstood things pretty often... Because this wasn't the kind of twelve inch prick I was wishing for," he said.
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