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Feb 20th, 2004, 03:46 PM | #1 |
Dark Queen
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: in your dreams
Age: 37
Posts: 589
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poem2 fantasytiger original
Drowning
let me drown in my lake of misery The lake I created with my tears Let me fall for all eternity into the depths of all my fear Let me choak on all the words that never got past my lips Let my emotions go numbe as my life slips Let me reach out one last time for life All my bitter memories playing over in my head knowing befor I even broke the surface I was already dead COPYWRITE@
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Feb 21st, 2004, 09:25 AM | #2 |
pazparacolombia
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Restless dreams...
Age: 43
Posts: 2,002
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Fantasytiger, this is a refreshing poem to read because of the style it is written in. The whole recurring theme you include "Let me...." is very effective in bring your anger to life in the ears of the audience. When you say
Let me choke on my words so the never make it past my lips... It's almost like I can almost hear you trying to whisper them forcefully as I'm reading the lines. Very effective. _RED_ stuff
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"..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." |
Feb 21st, 2004, 11:24 AM | #3 |
The One & Only
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Being Reborn
Age: 41
Posts: 2,132
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Yeh I echo what red said.
I really like this. It is a very emotional piece of writing. Piggle x x x x
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