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Jul 4th, 2002, 09:30 PM | #1 |
Drum Disruptor
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Munich, Germany
Age: 46
Posts: 60
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Just another one...
Why?
By the Rhythmosaur banging the ancient drums of doom... Do you see the fly at the window? The fly, it sees it all the trees, the gardens, the street... it sees it all Cannot understand the meaning of twin glass windows struggling and fighting to reach out and starving at the end Not knowing not understanding why You see, Me, I very often am that fly I´m struggling to reach something and when I just grab for it It feels like a collision with a wall Me too, I´m not knowing not understanding why |
Jul 5th, 2002, 12:13 AM | #2 |
Useless Oracle™
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5,136
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That's a quite interesting poem.
Very different from the other ones I've read here Keep it up and post more of your works |
Jul 5th, 2002, 03:19 PM | #3 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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that was wow, I liked it. it was good and I hope to be able to read more
__________________
Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Jul 7th, 2002, 09:24 PM | #4 |
Mighty Captain
Joined: Mar 2002
Location: Nautilus
Posts: 273
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Cool work! I liked it!
Post more! |
Jul 8th, 2002, 11:43 AM | #5 |
Drum Disruptor
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Munich, Germany
Age: 46
Posts: 60
|
I wrote it for our school magazine when I was deeply depressed about a failed love affair which lasted 3 years. Up to now, I don´t know what I did wrong, or to speak with the Pet Shop Boys: "What have I - What have I - What have I done to deserve this?..."
When I just worried about it, I heard the sound of this little insect fighting in vain to get outside through my window. It´s strange to say it, but then I felt sympathy, because it was in the same situation like me, not knowing not understanding why and I wrote it down. I freed the insect, but me, I´m still struggeling. Reminds me somehow to Metallica´s "One" who´s fight turned to an interior fight either... okay, that´s way to pathetic, sorry... More? Hm, an then someone will publish them under his name Okay, you want more, you got it: Planet you by the Rhythmosaur banging the ancient drums of doom (dedicated to the one I loved) Few people reached it ever Men usually move at the border up and down But I did the jump to deeper The gate is wonderful... It´s a planet full of colors crowded with animals Butterflies, horses, colored birds... Okay, there are snakes and crocodiles, too But they belong there there are beautiful in there way and remain from ancient times as witness... It´s a planet of beautyful landscapes designed by divine power With seas, rocks, jungles... Okay, there are deserts, too But fly over a desert at dawn Come at noon totaly dried up to one of your oases that lay in this sea of sands like painted and you will understand that I love your deserts Even though they drive me crazy sometimes It´s a planet with arctic regions frozen in ice your memories To discover it a task for lifetime Would there be a place for me? I´m working to design it with my own fingers try to shape it well hoping it´s not gonna melt away My sculpture in your mind I really love this planet I love the jungles, the deserts I love the seas, the arctic region I love .........you Let us sleep and never awake any more... Well, I hope, this slightly sexuall hint at the beginning is not likely to constitute a violation to my promise not to be obscene. I heard, Americans shall be sensitiv with that topic...?!? |
Jul 8th, 2002, 02:30 PM | #6 |
EVA 00 Pilot
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: NERV
Age: 41
Posts: 2,239
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I liked both works. Very well written
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Jul 12th, 2002, 10:40 AM | #7 |
Drum Disruptor
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Munich, Germany
Age: 46
Posts: 60
|
I just had another idea when I red again at the homosexuality thread and hate and bitterness of some people there held me back from replying again....
Give the power to... by the Rhythmosaur banging the ancient drums of doom When I was younger than a boy I used to use my favourite toy The only fear was in my mind that my meal was not on time I did not have a clue ´bout sex neither from money nor from cheques I did not know how to write beer no coke, no hash, nothing to fear Just one desire that I had: Just laying playing in my bed Satisfaction my heart was filling not politics, terror and killing And Mama told my fairy tales and red aloud my grandma´s mails When I cried (intentionaly!) she´re doing anything for me Cigarettes were an ugly thing Warm honeymilk just made me sing I teased my brother, he fought back We gave each other kisses (smack!) There was at no time any hate even if we not obeyed. And this world was for evermore a funny place just to explore... Why do I tell you all the story by risking you might find it borin'? ........................... Let us sum it up together: A WORLD OF BABIES WOULD BE BETTER... |
Jul 12th, 2002, 02:55 PM | #8 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
|
finally another person who likes to write
__________________
Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Jul 13th, 2002, 08:55 PM | #9 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
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Out of all of them, I liked this poem the best... "Give the power to..."
This one seemed to flow naturally. The other two seemed as if you were trying too hard. I also liked how innocent the third one seemed to be. I like what images came into my mind from reading the second one. For example: Just scanning over the world. I mean, imagining the artic regions, deserts, and jungles. I'm not sure what to think about the Americans comment. However, I can tell you this: I didn't like it too much.
__________________
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
Jul 15th, 2002, 02:36 PM | #10 |
Drum Disruptor
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Munich, Germany
Age: 46
Posts: 60
|
@Lost_Myth
First of all: I didn´t mean any offence. It is just what I heard, nothing more. Like people keep imagining Germans as fat bavarian beer drinkers with skinheads and leather trousers who like discipline and order (you should see my house, he, he, he!). I´m not quite sure if I got you right: You think, the first two "poems" seem to be tried hard? If yes, it would surprise me, because in those I did not use any rhymes and wrote freely, just keepinga kind of structure, whereas in the last I rhymed, kept a metrum an wrote in stanzas which was harder for me - in a foreign language. If so - what makes you thinking that way? I ask because of cautiousness, not because of not standing critizism The Rhythmosaur |
Jul 15th, 2002, 04:15 PM | #11 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
|
For me it seems to be easier to rhyme....
Once in a while ppl tend to get writers block where they would think too much and try too hard. Which doesn't make it sound too good. Parts of the poems where like that. It'd be hard for me to write a poem in spanish so I understand sorta. Doesn't Flow... FYI... You shouldn't try to figure out who I am because you'll never know what I'm like. However, you might get an idea. You actually seemed to lighten up which is a good sign.
__________________
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
Jul 15th, 2002, 04:21 PM | #12 |
Drum Disruptor
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Munich, Germany
Age: 46
Posts: 60
|
Thanx a lot for ya statement.
To the second: It is originally in german - that could cause a kind of tried hard feel... But the first (Why?) has ever been english, by the way. N.B@ all: This sort of comment to me is more interesting and useful than just sayin´You´d like it and wished more. So if you got your special thoughts and critizism, I always lend you both of my "ears". Thank you! |
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