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May 24th, 2002, 06:29 PM | #1 |
Retired...
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Location: Swamp hill.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,632
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Light
Light
By: Sword 4 Hire The Light is unpredictable Giving off a storm of false hope to some And a feast to a chosen few A feast decorated in candles that provoke the shadows The shadows that the tormented few inhabit Watching...waiting for their time of redemption Until their next chance to capture their own piece of light In a glass bottle A sliver of good fortune tucked tight within them Their own feast of happiness nuzzled in their pocket A feast of risk And Light...
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and for now the tired soldier sheathes his sword... |
May 25th, 2002, 12:19 AM | #2 |
just a rolling stone
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: of what?
Posts: 1,561
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*sniff* That's so pretty S4H.
*sniff sniff* You're a very talented poet. I can't write poetry at all... All I can do is stuff like: Roses are red Violets are blue I'm in a bad mood So what's it to you? *ahem* Anyway, very nice! it's great. I hope you post more cuz they're all really fun to read |
May 25th, 2002, 03:16 AM | #3 |
Reached for the sky
Joined: May 2002
Location: The road less traveled
Age: 34
Posts: 2,465
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nice post i like it.
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May 25th, 2002, 10:10 AM | #4 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
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I like it, though the ending confuses me a little. What risk? Maybe you could explain it more. Just a suggestion.
My favorite part is: A feast decorated in candles that provoke the shadows The shadows that the tormented few inhabit Watching...waiting for their time of redemption Until their next chance to capture their own piece of light The way you describe it. It has good imagery. Good job. |
May 25th, 2002, 12:45 PM | #5 |
Retired...
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Location: Swamp hill.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,632
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Sorry Myth...here I'll explain it...the Light in my poem represents a new opportunity...something new and exciting popping up in your life, and if you go for this new opportunity, you may end up happier....or it could be misfortune....I used the word risk because new chances or opportunities aren't always good, but you gotta go for em anyways because in the end...you could end up happier...
The people who went for their own piece of light are now being rewarded somehow with their "feasts decorated in candle light" The people who are kept closed in the shadows are people who never went for their new opportunity in fear of the worst Moral of the poem...try new things, take chances, make risks in your life...you just may be rewarded in the end...
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and for now the tired soldier sheathes his sword... |
May 25th, 2002, 01:01 PM | #6 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
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I really liked that. Thanks for sharing
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All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
Jun 12th, 2002, 08:23 PM | #7 |
Banned
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: Zapadocesky Czech Republic
Age: 41
Posts: 298
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Not bad, Cool Poem!!!!
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Jun 13th, 2002, 01:05 PM | #8 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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wow that was cool, I liked it alot, can not wait to read more
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Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Jun 21st, 2002, 02:52 PM | #9 |
The Cynical Clone
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Lakeview Hotel
Posts: 496
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I agree with Myth, when she said you're very good at describing using verses.
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Jun 21st, 2002, 09:31 PM | #10 |
Mighty Captain
Joined: Mar 2002
Location: Nautilus
Posts: 273
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I'm reading a lot of good poems at these forums!
I wish I could write like you guys! Can I ask you, in this case to S4H, how do you choose to express yoursefl thru verses? Don't you think it would be much easier to write a story? It's a dumb question, but since I can't write poems, I'd like to know |
Jun 22nd, 2002, 06:08 PM | #11 |
Retired...
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I don't know why I use verses...I always have...and as for your question about writing a story...I would...but I'm too lazy, poems are much easier lol
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and for now the tired soldier sheathes his sword... |
Jun 27th, 2002, 06:47 PM | #12 |
Every One Dies Alone
Joined: May 2002
Location: In the depths of existance where the hot magma flows.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,057
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Poems can be stories, they can be almost anything that the writer chooses. S4H, I'm sure rhymes and uses free verse. Just guessing about the last part.
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All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright & early for the daily races Going nowhere Going nowhere Their tears R filling up their glasses No Xpression No Xpression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows No 2morrow No 2morrow & I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad. These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had |
Jun 28th, 2002, 12:09 PM | #13 |
Retired...
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Swamp hill.
Age: 37
Posts: 1,632
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Actually I rarely rhyme...I mean I think I can...but it takes too much thinkin...I like to write poetry as fast as I can...that's when the good stuff pours out onto the paper
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and for now the tired soldier sheathes his sword... |
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