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[Lost_myth]

I haven't decided to put it any sort of scheme yet. Right now it is just free verse, and it's just raw material.


Tree
I look into my past and I see a tree.
A tree of generations of only me.
I see my soul carving throughout the hardening, green interior.
Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown.
The branches- like my hands reaching to the heavens.
The leaves blossoming and hung like my every thought-creation.
A tree is:
The tale tale, old wise woman of ancient times before this reincarnation;
Observer of the present, and history books of life;
My seated dreams of five seconds long past.
Its roots intertwine with mine, even though I am not stable.
There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained
and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel.
I search for influence, but all I hear is the woosh and rattle of a tree.


PSR

Message: Never bring me a flower, just give me the best leaf you can find.

[Lost_myth]

argh.. it's supposed to say tall tale... would someone correct that for me?

[Redpyramidhead]

PAMMY! Hi. Hehe. I enjoy this one a lot. It reminds me of a feeling I have been having lately but I can't quite put my finger on it. I like it especially because you liken yourself to a tree and I absolutely love trees and the spirituality they can stand for. They are such a symbol that can represent so many things and I like how your body and history as the different parts and what they represent to you. Extra points on imagery thats for sure! PEACE

_RED_ stuff

[Vicious_2003]

Loved the first half of the poem. Particularly this line

Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown

Shows how our soul's are hardened and toughened over time. I like the comparrison..very well thought out and worded.

I liked the second half as well. I just thought that THIS line

There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained

Was a little wordy. Its obvious you have a good understanding of a good vocabulary. That goes without saying... But my advice would be to dumb it down a bit for the general public. And so that it doesent seem to some that your overdoing it a bit. you certainly get your point across well though

and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel

I am also fond of that line. I dont know what sound that would be..but mine would be LOUD

[Lost_myth]

Originally Posted by Vicious_2003

There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained

Was a little wordy. Its obvious you have a good understanding of a good vocabulary. That goes without saying... But my advice would be to dumb it down a bit for the general public. And so that it doesent seem to some that your overdoing it a bit. you certainly get your point across well though

You know how sometimes there is so many things you want to say at once or describe something so throughly that you can't use the root word or else the whole point of you putting it there would be useless.

It's like making a Chocolate, layered cake and forgetting to add the yeast and cocoa mix.

[Vicious_2003]

QUOTE - You know how sometimes there is so many things you want to say at once or describe something so throughly that you can't use the root word or else the whole point of you putting it there would be useless.

It's like making a Chocolate, layered cake and forgetting to add the yeast and cocoa mix

LOL. Yeah...I definately know what U mean

[Vicious_2003]

sorry..accidental double post