The Advice Thread

Piggle_humsy · Feb 4th, 2004, 12:09 PM

This thread has been inspired by eli who seems to have such a knack of giving advice. If you have a problem and you feel like sharing it with us.. put it in here and then the rest of us can post our advice.. So post your problems and we'll try to help!

Piggle

x x x x

p.s Now obviously people wont have problems all the time so if this does happen to slip into the unknown..when you do have a problem try to remember to dig this thread out of the unused pile.

Alternatively it could be made a sticky but that is up to the mods.

tempted · Feb 4th, 2004, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Piggle_humsy

This thread has been inspired by eli who seems to have such a knack of giving advice.

Please if someone thinks that i shouldn't be doing it tell me....it's just that i can't help it it's in my human nature to do this

...and plus you guys are such nice people that just the thought of you hurting makes me want to help you and this is the only way i can...but if you think that i'm putting my nose where i shouldn't let me know and i'll try to stop it...

Chara · Feb 4th, 2004, 07:01 PM

My advice:

Dont give advice if you dont follow your own

But since I an so hardhead myself I never bother to follow advice myself until its way too late... That's what I hate about myself, my ego gets too big at times.

Redpyramidhead · Feb 5th, 2004, 02:28 AM

Unfortunately (heh,) as a lot of you may know, I also like to give advice. But more importantly, and I'm sure eli knows this since she has probably been this way herself for a while, listening is the biggest part of it. I know I have constantly felt compelled to help others for a while myself. A lot of my teens and all of my adult life (albeit relatively short so far.) It is very tough to be this way at times because of the balance of being able to deal with your own problems at the same time and not letting other's problems depress you so badly that you fall behind in your own life. Therein lies the key, though. If you can find that balance not only will things that solely have to do with yourself, but with that and others' issues, one can become more productive and in a better state of mind to help people as well. It is so hard to find this balance for me and i know for anybody else who feels the same way as me, but I wouldn't want to be a different person. I am proud of who I am and as long as somebody can remind me every now and then that my efforts are atleast a little bit noble than I am happy with myself and the job I am doing. And, as cliche as this sounds, I just want everybody to feel happiness in their lives. Especially, in the places where it is so hard for me to feel happiness sometimes. I know what it is like.

_RED_ stuff

Piggle_humsy · Feb 5th, 2004, 02:33 AM

And a great person you are red!

I'm a good listener.. and I try to give advice, I dont think i'm that good at giving advice, I usually just tell the person what they know already! lol

Piggle

x x x x

tempted · Feb 5th, 2004, 06:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chara

My advice:

Dont give advice if you dont follow your own

I do try to follow my own...and maybe that is why i am and act like this....

And Red...you have no idea how much you and i are alike in this matter...

Rei · Feb 5th, 2004, 06:49 AM

I think... everybody's able to give advice, but as Chara said, only few are able to give advice they could follow as well. This doesn't mean the people who don't follow their own advice are not giving it with sincerity, only that maybe they are good at listening and speaking good old common sense, but then they don't try to "walk in someone else's shoes" when needed. It's very important to feel with some intensity the other person's problem before you can give good advice, an advice you know the other could follow because you would follow it being in the same situation. But most of the time we just try to say clever things, not caring much if the other person in a particular situation finds them useful or not. Some people even find irritating when they give advice and others don't follow it for various reasons. Isn't this way of acting irritating? In this attitude there's the arrogance to say "I gave you advice, which is what you wanted, now don't make me waste my precious time anymore and do what I said. My advice is the only way for you to solve this". I hate when people do that, that's a good reason to m e to rarely ask for advice of any kind.

merylsilverburg · Feb 5th, 2004, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rei

This doesn't mean the people who don't follow their own advice are not giving it with sincerity, only that maybe they are good at listening and speaking good old common sense, but then they don't try to "walk in someone else's shoes" when needed.

I don't really agree with you. There are some people who can understand the other person's problems quite well and give them great advice that suits their needs, but when it comes to themselves, they are oblivious on what to do. Not everyone who gives advice always knows what to do with their own situation when it comes up. But a majority of people can't give "empathy advice" only because they've never been in that situation the other is facing. Only a few people can give sincere advice even if they've never "put themselves in the other's shoes".

Quote:

Some people even find irritating when they give advice and others don't follow it for various reasons. Isn't this way of acting irritating? In this attitude there's the arrogance to say "I gave you advice, which is what you wanted, now don't make me waste my precious time anymore and do what I said. My advice is the only way for you to solve this".

Yes, this is irritating. However, in my case, I've done it on several occasions (telling the other party that I've gave them advice, so why don't they solve it?) only because the other person was being unreasonable and stubborn to follow what I told them. It's these same people who come up to me and say "You know what? I followed your advice and it didn't work out. Why'd you tell me to do that? What's your problem? Did you do this on purpose?"

I've experienced that so many times that I became tired. I gave them the advice which were sincere, honest and I put myself in their situation, but they're the ones who have the problem because they're blaming me for not allowing things to work out.

Quote:

I hate when people do that, that's a good reason to m e to rarely ask for advice of any kind.

That's true, but isn't it even more annoying when the other person gives crappy "advice" such as "Well, why don't you just try to talk to the other person and I'm sure things will work out fine!" or "Why don't you just try your best and if that doesn't work, then talk to a therapist?".

Pu the Owl · Feb 5th, 2004, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rei

Some people even find irritating when they give advice and others don't follow it for various reasons. Isn't this way of acting irritating? In this attitude there's the arrogance to say "I gave you advice, which is what you wanted, now don't make me waste my precious time anymore and do what I said. My advice is the only way for you to solve this". I hate when people do that, that's a good reason to m e to rarely ask for advice of any kind.

... on the other hand it is annoying when people are asking for advice and then won't even try to listen to what you tell them. They keep on repeating "This won't work" or "I can't do this, I can't do that" and they end waiting for someone else to solve their problems for them, to take action for them. I must say, I am often one of these persons, that's why I find this attitude annoying in others

merylsilverburg · Feb 5th, 2004, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Panuru

... on the other hand it is annoying when people are asking for advice and then won't even try to listen to what you tell them. They keep on repeating "This won't work" or "I can't do this, I can't do that" and they end waiting for someone else to solve their problems for them, to take action for them. I must say, I am often one of these persons, that's why I find this attitude annoying in others

Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying you're one of the people who gives advice and has people nagging you about it not working or are you a person who waits for someone else to solve your problem? Sorry for asking; it's early in the morning and my brain's about to shut down.

Pu the Owl · Feb 5th, 2004, 11:11 AM

I usually am the one who asks for advice and then instead of following it waits for the other person to help me solving the problem... but I do it only with persons I know very well, so the rest of the world doesn't have to be worried about it

Redpyramidhead · Feb 6th, 2004, 01:21 AM

I think it is interesting how this thread sort of turned into a discussion on advice0giving itself, but I think that is a good thing because it is an important topic. If Eli or Piggle want to change it back they can.

I thought I would add something to this discussion in the meantime, though.

One thing that I have learned over the years about giving advice is that in most cases you kind of have to present them more as suggestions and let the person know that you are only offering suggestions and that you may not have the answers for their particular problem, but based on what you've heard "here are some things you can try if you want." At that point, it is up to the person who takes or leaves the advice whether they feel justified in blaiming you or not and there is not much you can do. Plus, I am constantly worried about the advice I'm giving being good enough that I probably couldn't in another way. All one can do is help the other find their own answers really, and even that is hard to do without making a mistake. It is very hard for both the person seeking advice and the person giving it in any case.

Actually, advice IS suggestions, otherwise it would be a bunch of commands and that would in a way defeat the purpose of truly trying to help others.

_RED_ stuff

Infernal Mass · Feb 6th, 2004, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Redpyramidhead
If Eli or Piggle want to change it back they can.

well at least they have your permission.

Redpyramidhead · Feb 6th, 2004, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Infernal Mass

well at least they have your permission.

the comedian strikes again

_RED_ stuff

tempted · Feb 6th, 2004, 08:09 AM

Well let me clear up some things...i think that this all started because i was giving my opinion about certain matters to certain people on this forum but i don't consider that i was giving real advices i was just showing my point of view about it...it's not like i said do you want an advice then do this or do that...no i just did and said my opinion maybe some of you think that that is giving advice i personnaly think that i was just trying to pull up some people who at the time i thought needed a chear up of some kind....

Berserker · Feb 6th, 2004, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by eli

Well let me clear up some things...i think that this all started because i was giving my opinion about certain matters to certain people on this forum but i don't consider that i was giving real advices i was just showing my point of view about it...it's not like i said do you want an advice then do this or do that...no i just did and said my opinion maybe some of you think that that is giving advice i personnaly think that i was just trying to pull up some people who at the time i thought needed a chear up of some kind....

And that's very nice of you and no one is blaming you for that!
This thread should be about giving advice in general...IMO. But it somehow distorted a bit...

Daniel Legge · Jun 28th, 2004, 02:26 PM

Advice can be given by anyone, often it is givin or asked for by someone that can be trusted. It is easier to follow if you trust the person giving it, also not all adivce is correct thats why its called advice, it is an opinion not somebody telling somebody else what they have to do. Advice can be made easier through experiance just like most things. IMO it also helps to comfort a person if they seek advice.

Feb 4th, 2004, 12:09 PM	#1
Piggle_humsy The One & Only Joined: Dec 2002 Location: Being Reborn Age: 40 Posts: 2,132	The Advice Thread This thread has been inspired by eli who seems to have such a knack of giving advice. If you have a problem and you feel like sharing it with us.. put it in here and then the rest of us can post our advice.. So post your problems and we'll try to help! Piggle x x x x p.s Now obviously people wont have problems all the time so if this does happen to slip into the unknown..when you do have a problem try to remember to dig this thread out of the unused pile. Alternatively it could be made a sticky but that is up to the mods. __________________

Feb 4th, 2004, 07:01 PM	#3
Chara Over the edge Joined: Dec 2002 Location: An endless void. Age: 36 Posts: 722	My advice: Dont give advice if you dont follow your own But since I an so hardhead myself I never bother to follow advice myself until its way too late... That's what I hate about myself, my ego gets too big at times. __________________ Last edited by Chara; Feb 4th, 2004 at 07:02 PM..

Feb 5th, 2004, 02:28 AM	#4
Redpyramidhead pazparacolombia Joined: Sep 2002 Location: Restless dreams... Age: 42 Posts: 2,002	Unfortunately (heh,) as a lot of you may know, I also like to give advice. But more importantly, and I'm sure eli knows this since she has probably been this way herself for a while, listening is the biggest part of it. I know I have constantly felt compelled to help others for a while myself. A lot of my teens and all of my adult life (albeit relatively short so far.) It is very tough to be this way at times because of the balance of being able to deal with your own problems at the same time and not letting other's problems depress you so badly that you fall behind in your own life. Therein lies the key, though. If you can find that balance not only will things that solely have to do with yourself, but with that and others' issues, one can become more productive and in a better state of mind to help people as well. It is so hard to find this balance for me and i know for anybody else who feels the same way as me, but I wouldn't want to be a different person. I am proud of who I am and as long as somebody can remind me every now and then that my efforts are atleast a little bit noble than I am happy with myself and the job I am doing. And, as cliche as this sounds, I just want everybody to feel happiness in their lives. Especially, in the places where it is so hard for me to feel happiness sometimes. I know what it is like. _RED_ stuff __________________ "..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." Last edited by Redpyramidhead; Feb 5th, 2004 at 02:37 AM..

Feb 5th, 2004, 02:33 AM	#5
Piggle_humsy The One & Only Joined: Dec 2002 Location: Being Reborn Age: 40 Posts: 2,132	And a great person you are red! I'm a good listener.. and I try to give advice, I dont think i'm that good at giving advice, I usually just tell the person what they know already! lol Piggle x x x x __________________

Feb 6th, 2004, 01:21 AM	#12
Redpyramidhead pazparacolombia Joined: Sep 2002 Location: Restless dreams... Age: 42 Posts: 2,002	I think it is interesting how this thread sort of turned into a discussion on advice0giving itself, but I think that is a good thing because it is an important topic. If Eli or Piggle want to change it back they can. I thought I would add something to this discussion in the meantime, though. One thing that I have learned over the years about giving advice is that in most cases you kind of have to present them more as suggestions and let the person know that you are only offering suggestions and that you may not have the answers for their particular problem, but based on what you've heard "here are some things you can try if you want." At that point, it is up to the person who takes or leaves the advice whether they feel justified in blaiming you or not and there is not much you can do. Plus, I am constantly worried about the advice I'm giving being good enough that I probably couldn't in another way. All one can do is help the other find their own answers really, and even that is hard to do without making a mistake. It is very hard for both the person seeking advice and the person giving it in any case. Actually, advice IS suggestions, otherwise it would be a bunch of commands and that would in a way defeat the purpose of truly trying to help others. _RED_ stuff __________________ "..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." Last edited by Redpyramidhead; Feb 6th, 2004 at 01:34 AM..

	PsFantasy.com Forums » General Forums » General Chat
The Advice Thread

Feb 5th, 2004, 06:49 AM	#7
Rei EVA 00 Pilot Joined: Jan 2002 Location: NERV Age: 40 Posts: 2,239	I think... everybody's able to give advice, but as Chara said, only few are able to give advice they could follow as well. This doesn't mean the people who don't follow their own advice are not giving it with sincerity, only that maybe they are good at listening and speaking good old common sense, but then they don't try to "walk in someone else's shoes" when needed. It's very important to feel with some intensity the other person's problem before you can give good advice, an advice you know the other could follow because you would follow it being in the same situation. But most of the time we just try to say clever things, not caring much if the other person in a particular situation finds them useful or not. Some people even find irritating when they give advice and others don't follow it for various reasons. Isn't this way of acting irritating? In this attitude there's the arrogance to say "I gave you advice, which is what you wanted, now don't make me waste my precious time anymore and do what I said. My advice is the only way for you to solve this". I hate when people do that, that's a good reason to m e to rarely ask for advice of any kind.

Feb 5th, 2004, 11:11 AM	#11
Pu the Owl Useless Oracle™ Joined: Jan 2002 Location: Everywhere Posts: 5,136	I usually am the one who asks for advice and then instead of following it waits for the other person to help me solving the problem... but I do it only with persons I know very well, so the rest of the world doesn't have to be worried about it

Feb 6th, 2004, 08:09 AM	#15
tempted Senior Member Joined: Aug 2003 Posts: 2,265	Well let me clear up some things...i think that this all started because i was giving my opinion about certain matters to certain people on this forum but i don't consider that i was giving real advices i was just showing my point of view about it...it's not like i said do you want an advice then do this or do that...no i just did and said my opinion maybe some of you think that that is giving advice i personnaly think that i was just trying to pull up some people who at the time i thought needed a chear up of some kind....

Jun 28th, 2004, 02:26 PM	#17
Daniel Legge Dark Horse Joined: Jul 2002 Location: England Age: 35 Posts: 399	Advice can be given by anyone, often it is givin or asked for by someone that can be trusted. It is easier to follow if you trust the person giving it, also not all adivce is correct thats why its called advice, it is an opinion not somebody telling somebody else what they have to do. Advice can be made easier through experiance just like most things. IMO it also helps to comfort a person if they seek advice. __________________ The true master only engages the worthy opponent!

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