»

[trunks69420]

Originally Posted by ~Desi~

im indian so i could really care less about anything

thats an AWESOME outlook on life... really cool ... But then again.. i care about less and less every day too.. soooo... yeah.. i cant say much... but i'm irish... so i dont know what that says about me... so i guess i'll just get drunk and eat a potatoe

[tempted]

Originally Posted by Uchiha Sasuke

....
And thats right. NO ONE HITS ON ME!!!! NO ONE!!!!

Yeeah...no one but me!!!!! lol

Anyways 0.48 am (Lisbon time)

I slept all afternoon so now i'm not sleepy or tired..i was watching my team's game and it pissed me off because we were winning until like 1 minute to the end the stupid goalkeeper decides to let the ball in..so it ended in a 2-2..damnit....

[happy_doughnut]

3.30 AM

I just finished studying for my two exams tomorrow, and boy, is my brain sure fried. It's so late. I have to be up and about by 7 AM. *sigh* Seriously, I wonder if this studying will do me any good. I mean, I only get about 3 hours of sleep... so I'll be more asleep than awake at test time... so does this even work out? I don't think so.

Argh. Tomorrow's tests are okay, though. I'm really worried about Tuesday's... English... argh. Damn class. You know what this means right? Tomorrow will be study, study, study, which will in turn mean no sleep, which will thus mean I will be twice as sleepy... which means I'm a lost case.

Man, there are so many other things I need to do... why aren't there more hours in the day?

Welps, better hit the sack. I am in a great need for some shut eye.

Good night.

[Infernal Mass]

all i need is about 10 minutes of sleep and i'm good to go for 12 hours.

[Redpyramidhead]

Well g Kaena and Sasuke, thank you for sharing Too much info!

Well, I'm about to get to bed in a few moments. I said gnight to a lovely person I know and I am now ready to hit the hay. Part of me is afraif to go to sleep, though.

I admit it, I have a nice handful of sleeping disorders. One of them I had fixed but it kind of crept back up on me. No worries, though. I know I have the drive to be able to fix it again. Basically, the problem has to do with the fact I am sooooo used to being awake much of the night and sleeping during the day it is very hard for me to shift the pattern back to a better shedule. A schedule where I would be getting atleast slightly more restful sleep. That's the other part of the disorder. Somehow, when I wake up from any sort of sleep, I do not feel refreshed in any way. It is as if I have grown more tired by sleeping more often, teaching my body that all it wants to do is sleep. Obviously, you can get caught in a downward spiral this way. It's very hard to break this cycle. You get to the point where sleep does you know good anymore and because of it you are exhausted 24/7.

Well, the good news is, I know I have it in me to break this pattern. I've done it before, and I've already made some positive steps towards doing better with it today, although it may not seem it since I am posting so late.

Sleep can be elusive and strange in so many different ways. While I am exhausted, often times I am simultaneously suffering from insomnia. This is no pleasant feeling. Sometimes, I just plain can't shut my mind off. It races and races with thoughts. It feels quite manic, becausre they are often times pleasant thoughts. I will be thinking of song ideas in my head while laying in bed. IN fact I make a point to do this before I sleep every night. I compose songs in my head in a way that I hear my creations sort of play back to me as I go along. I thank god for this ability because it helps me come up with inspiration for the music I record the next day or whenever and I am constantly coming up with new ideas involving music theory. Ways to make music more hypnotic, etc. I don't know how common this ability is, but it seems I have been doing it for years and it is wear I have drawn a lot of my influence from. I'll tap into my surroundings, or place I have been before, moods, musical landscapes that can be painted with sound, perhaps telling an epic story or invoking certain anxiety, pleasures, sadness, happiness, anger, etc. Anything I can think of at the time. This is a wonderful way to go to sleep at night, but the catch is you have know when or how to turn it off in order to sleep. Sometimes it gets me too excited to let a certain song go from my mind in order to sleep, thus drifting off becomes a very long process. I think my problem is partly that I worry I will lose my ideas. I am not sure. It would be impossible to right them down in that state of mind. My solution? <y mini cassette recorder that I use to hum melodies and sing or rap ideas into. I'll also beatbox rythmns made by guitar and drums and other verious instruments. THen I'll have to explain in words on the tape what part is meant to do what and where and any wild concepts behind them. I am obsessive compulsive about these things so yes, this DOES KEEP ME AWAKE AT NIGHT!

Other times. I just plain worry about everything. EVERYTHING. Not to the point where I am scared, but to the point where i can atleast no longer come up with soultions. THat is another one of my problems. I always have to come up with theories to help me solve my problem or other close friends problem. These theories I don't expect to come up with completely right away so atleast I let them go until the next time I think of them, but it is another contributing factor.

Often times I will feel like there are to omany unresolved issues including small things like feeling surrounded by an unkept place around me to the point where I lay there gritting my teeth so hard and grinding them that its no wonder I cant sleep. Grinding teeth is a leading cause of insomnia. Sometimes I don't even know I am doing it.

Either way, it seems that even when sleep finally comes, it does not do the proper job I need it to do for me in order to function properly when I wake up. Perhaps I would fall asleep faster at night if I knew I could get up the next day at a reasonable time. THat's all I ask. Is to be able to wake up and not feel like going back to sleep until I have accomplished enough and had some time to relax afterwards.

So, yes I both sleep too much and have trouble getting to sleep. A very bad combination.

Well, that's it for now. Since I am too tired to write anymore I must go. I think for once I may actually be able to drift off relatively quickly.

Sorry if this was boring, but as Panuru said, this is an interesting sort of hole to put your rants about why you are awake still and obviously my answer for me would have to be my inability to get along with that thing known as sleep. Restful sleep, even. It's been a loooong time. The best trick to defeating it is just getting up without thinking and walking out the door, down the hall, and outside. The days, I have to get something done somehere else are a lot better than the ones I sleep away. Next time, I amy rant about my horrid dreams. Heh.

PEACE OUT


I am sorry tired I don't know if anything I jus ttyped made any sense.

Gnight fellow night owls.

I just remembered I was ordered by someone I consider very speical to me to go to bed for my own sake about a half an hour ago. Sorry, chica! I will try harder next time

PEACE

_RED_ stuff

[tempted]

Originally Posted by Redpyramidhead

Well g Kaena and Sasuke, thank you for sharing Too much info!

.....

PEACE

_RED_ stuff

No problem..it's not like we have something to hide..lmao

1.26 am

I'm sooo tired but i can't sleep ..my stupid eyes just don't close..grr...this is what happens when there's alot on my mind..it's so annoying when all i wanna do is get some sleep but my brain wants to stay up late, stupid thing..argh..does anyone has a good trick to make me fall asleep?! Cause counting sheep doesn't really work for me ..oh well i might as well give it a try..g-night!

[Piggle_humsy]

I know the feeling eli, I had exactly the same thing last night.. I was up till 9am when I finally dozed off..but my eyes hurt, my head hurt, all I wanted to do was sleep but my brain just wouldn't shut down.

And because of that my sleeping patterns all off course so I'm probably gonna be up all night again tonight.. it's 1:43am.. I'm currently waiting for Mr.Red and Miss Tiger to come back to chat...
Well I'm off for now.

Seeya

Piggle
x x x x

[merylsilverburg]

2:04 AM and sitting here just thinking about MGS3...finished the game and now am just...gloomy...gloomy there's not more.

[Faile]

02:25am : Tonight; (taken from my journal)

so drained.

# punched and kicked, hit.
# threatened with police.
# was told that she would tell everyone that i hit her.

and what for? because she had come around to get her stuff. exactly what i did wrong i'm quite unsure. she left me for someone else, she cheated on me, she lied to me and i'm shouldering the blame and consequences of her decisions. i'm bruised and feel like death now.
amazing how she manipulated the situation so john left us alone when shockingly her new boyfriend rolled in to the room. who i was then accused of threatening. of course, somehow he took a blind eye to me getting the shit kicked out of me every so often. why did i not defend myself?


i hope i never see her again, yet as she owes me a large amount of money i guess that eventually i'll have to contact her. i'm not getting fucked out of £700 +. I've never been so upset in forever, that someone i had loved could change in to something so vile.

Tonight was hopefully the end of the saga that has seen me lied to, manipulated, broken and eventually threatened with her saying "i'll call the police and tell them you tried to rape me". dear fucking god, please let things work out for me now. i'm too young, i just want a drama free life. please please please.

may be less than coherent, apologies for harsh language. everything is dull, dull dulled.

[trunks69420]

12:28 am

i'm here.. .mad cause my xbox live hasnt been working all night.. something to do w/ my network connections i think.. not sure though... just pissed i cant play till 6am now.. goddamn.. oh well.. that is my night trouble

[Hylas]

Honestly Faile, your situation sucks! I'm pissed off after reading your post!

There's nothing bad as a loved one who turns out to be a traitor! I'm always shocked when I hear of people who one day are madly in love with somebody then they have no problems to go with someone else and do this to their previous fiancé. I mean, what kind of person is one who acts like that? I have only a way to call your ex: a real bastard! Hope she will feel ashamed for her behaviour one day. Otherwise it means she really is a person of no values and feelings... The money part of the story is the most awful thing... being so unreliable or carefree is completely outof place. Once you have a responibility of this kind, no matter what, even if you hate the other person, you shouldn't forget to pay your part of the bills and so on! This means she has no respect! I would never trust a person like that! I'm sorry for you, being in such situation thanks to somebody so genuinely cynical must be pretty upsetting! I only suggest to not show how angry and saddened you are, not more than necessary. She will think she can keep on manipulating the situation if she has not a strong person to deal with.

Good luck!

[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by Faile

i hope i never see her again, yet as she owes me a large amount of money i guess that eventually i'll have to contact her. i'm not getting fucked out of £700 +.

True, you probably shouldn't allow her to get away with that money, but will still be possible for you to do this? After all, she did threatened to call the police with those outrageous lies (I'm guessing she would do this if you come anywhere close to her or call her). If she does or does not call the police, I'm sure if you contact her, she wouldn't pick up the phone or return the money she owes you. You might have to find some other way, if possible.

Originally Posted by Faile

I've never been so upset in forever, that someone i had loved could change in to something so vile.

No offense, but I'm sure she was a vile person to begin with, she just put on a mask to hide it in order to use you or something.

[Faile]

You're probably quite right. I can be happy to turn a blind eye to faults in a person, make them up to be some saint in my head. Still, the betrayal is always painful.
Getting the money back may well be impossible. I'm too tired to think about means or how or whatever. May have to go through the courts.

There was a minute, before I fled to the streets of manchester last night, when she was moving the last of her stuff. I was staring straight into her eyes and she couldn't hold my gaze at all. I felt slightly vindicated because somewhere I know she feels guilt. I just wish she could have said sorry or not hit me and lied to me.
Not sure I have too much time for self pity these days though. I'm just continuing on.
Thanks for your comments and words of wisdom! Much appreciated as ever. x

[Piggle_humsy]

Faile your post really angers me too! I would go into a rant about it but Hylas said pretty much everything that I'm thinking so I'll hold it in. But seriously I hope you find someone who really deserves you coz your a great looking guy from what I saw in the picture thread and from what I know of you on here you seem like a really nice, genuine, funny and talented person and you deserve much better than that kinda person in your life!
Hope I didn't make your head too big!
But it's true and I just hope she doesn't make you think otherwise with her lies and deceit!

Anyways I'm up late again... it's 2:30am and I'm feeling a little tired as I've had a long day but still not tired enough for my brain to shut off and to get to sleep at a normal hour!

Piggle
x x x x

[Redpyramidhead]

This is the best thread ever created. Period. Well it's 1:06am and I'm hangin out online cuz my bro left. I thought he was gonna sleep over, but its cool. We watched REservior dogs. Quentin Terantino is a sick man. But we already knew that. Well apparently. I am drunk. I drank 3/4 of a 40 and thats enough to do it to me since I do not drink on a regular basis. Feeks kind of nice to have a good buzz going right now, but I know I may or may not feel like hell later, so waht's the point, right? Well, there is none, but if I only do pointless drinking on occassion I think I should be all set. THat's really the only way you can enjoy this kind of stupidity, which would be indulging in it only in very monitored moderation. But who are we kidding? How can we monitor anything while we are like this? Well, luckily so far I haven't gone over the edge and I am under the illusion that it is this easy. Just don't drink too much. When was the last time I did this? About a week ago. If I ever drink a whole 40 some weekend and want more, then I will worry, but as you can see, I am still typing perfectly straight, except for the obvious overuse of commas

Well. I am still up simply because my bro came over late and the movie ended around quarter of one. The only additional factor is that I will still be up for a while yet because I am always up this late. Always. Except for the nights I go to bed early. WHoa, that sounded intelligent.

I wish the lovely fantasytiger was online so I could talk to her. SHe and I are very close and her presence brings a smile to my face to say the least, but it seems she is offline. I think she is busy helping out all of her firends. She has a big heart always dedicated to those she cares about and I hope she can still have time to rest hereself because being somebody who does pretty much the same thing or atleast has in the past....that is spent so much time helping my friends out and left little time for myself to rest afterwards,,, well Tigre, if you read this... please take a break as soon as you can. You need rest chica. *HUGS* You deserve rest, hun.

This goes out to all those who miss out on rest due to the fact they have a complicated heart. Whether it be too big to let others suffer alone or it be too broken to let you do anything but dread your dreams, or anything else. WE all hear YOU.

PEACE, BROTHERS AND SISTERS May we all be free someday!

_RED_ stuff

[trunks69420]

i am here now at 2:15 am with my compadre Michael Carrigan... high as a mother ****** and about to partake in two delicious pizza'a hot and spicy beef jerky and a starbucks frappucinno and some hot peppers to go on it all ... then downstairs to the dungeon to partake in the viewing of a motion picture.

[tempted]

2.05 am (Lisbon time)


I went to bed at around 1 am and I’ve been turning from one side to the other because I can't sleep, and today I actually have good reasons for it. earlier today I almost lost my brother, his wife and my beautiful 1 year old niece in a car accident, and though I’ve been trying really hard not to think it was my fault, I can't stop thinking that it was a bit because of me that they were almost killed, they live 3 hours away from me and yesterday, like in so many other occasions, I called them to ask them to meet me and the rest of the family for lunch today in a rest that's like 1 .30 hours away from each place (his and mine), so they said of course they would come but when i was almost arriving to the rest, I got a call from my brother saying they weren't coming anymore because they had just been in an accident. so obviously I felt like it was my fault because if I hadn't call they would be home safe, and as if the guilt i placed upon myself wasn't enough, I had my mother telling me that I should be thankful because they were alive and some other things that I’m not going to write here, but let's just say that, she made it clear that if they had died, it would be my fault. Well after that everyone started saying that they wanted to go over to their house to check on them, to make sure that they were really ok, obviously I wanted to go too. But tomorrow there's work to be done and since everyone was fighting over it, I just said "fine I’ll stay and I’ll go to work. There’s not much to be done anyways”...Oh my what did I do? Like in the same sec all my family members looked at me like if I had just committed a crime and was trying to escape...anyways they went and I stayed ... I already got a call from them telling me all the details from the accident (just to make me feel even better -_-)..So I’m almost going insane at this point because I have no one to talk to, earlier I tried to call my best friend to talk but his cell is off, after that I came to the pc and I somehow ended up pushing away the only person who, after reading about it in my lj, tried to cheer me up, and I’m sorry Cory, I’m really not I’m myself today or I wouldn't have done that, I’m sorry again Hun , after that and to make me feel even worse, the second person to who I actually had the courage to go to for help or better yet just to listen, was too busy for me, i guess that will teach me, if I have problems I might as well keep them to myself, God it would have meant the world to me if he had just given me 2 minutes of his precious time, but I guess that would be asking for too much. so now I’m home alone, I’m scared as hell of being here on my own, because what has been running through my head, isn't really what you would call happy thoughts. I honestly don't know why I’m writing this here...oh well...wtf I’m only human -_-!

[TtTackler]

Its no way your fault. There are so many variables that are happening all at once that you can't blame yourself. All you did was ask them over for lunch, how were you supposed to know they would get in an accident? If there is ANYONE to blame, is the person who caused the accident. Nothing else.

[trunks69420]

345am EST
just awake.. i cant sleep.. i've laid down for the past 4 hours and sleep will not come.. so for now i write... either in journals or on tablets of paper.. took a walk up and down my street... i can get no peace... so.. "goodnight" while i go lay awake

[Piggle_humsy]

Well it's 11:25am, I've been up all night. I can't stop worrying about things..things to come, things that have been..things that will never be. My brain just goes over and over events in my head. I've been feeling really lonely lately, and everytime I'm watching the t.v or a film a tiny little thing will make my eyes well up. Even if it's not sad. I feel like there's so much sadness in me that it's all building up and bursting to get out, yet I can let myself cry properly..a few tears roll down my cheek then I shake myself out of it.
I hope the new year brings me new life.

Piggle
x x x x