»

[Deathwatchz]

I'd have to say that I am far from content with my life. Things are working out for me with my future, and if everything does go thru for me, ill never struggle in life with money or careers, but it is all the other shit in my life that bothers me. It doesn't help to be the smartest person among your friends, because it seems like they all come to me for emotional help. Some of the time I will happily do it, but other times I can see that they sre just laying their problems on me, and aren't going to do a damn thing to change it. If it was someone I didn't know, i wouldn't mind, but when a childhood friend comes crying to you about how her b/f beats her up, and ou tell her to stop seeing him, but she keeps going, and you can't do a damn thing about it, it really hurts. I have had so much shit happen to me throughout my life already that the only thing holding me to this world is the fact that i know that if i kill myself, i' hurt a lot of people, and it isnt based on self-righteous bulls%^&, because i dont give a damn about myself, really. It is the comments i get from friends when i'm on the verge of suicide, its the fact that my mom has told me that the only reason she didnt go psycho and kill herself after my brother got locked up was the fact that she knew she had a son who was going to do something with his life. It's not fun being smart, because everyone lays such high expectations on you, and then makes you feel like you have to go thru with it, or you are letting them all down. well, i'm gonna shut up now and go to bed. Talking about my life makes me ill.... That and people are probably sick of my mouth. I complain cause i feel like i cant do anything to change it all.