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#1 |
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Dark Queen
![]() Joined: Dec 2002
Location: in your dreams
Age: 39
Posts: 589
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poem fantasytiger original
Love can shine like glass
Reflect a bitter past Show persons true self And the truth about someone else Love can cut just like But this pain lasts Leaves a deep eternal wound That will not be forgotten soon A cut that will never Truly heal with time and a permanent scar that severs to remind you of everything you once had but love above all is soooo fragile because it shatters just like glass COPY WRITTEN@ |
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#2 |
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Senior Member
![]() Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,265
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Really nice poem Fantasy,seems like a very deep and personal
one but still very good in my opinion...
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#3 |
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The One & Only
![]() Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Being Reborn
Age: 43
Posts: 2,132
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Nice work Tiger.
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#4 |
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ys.
![]() Joined: Jan 2002
Location: ex-ex-exeter, disunited kingdom
Age: 42
Posts: 1,137
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I like this one. One comment is that you don't need so many 'ooooo' on the so. Its a bit unnecessary. A better way to represent what you are meaning there is to put the so into bold or italics.
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#5 |
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Dark Queen
![]() Joined: Dec 2002
Location: in your dreams
Age: 39
Posts: 589
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the reason I added the "OOOO" is because when you read it you are suppose to extend the sound just like when someone adds ........... it means you suppose to have a dramatic pause befor you continue reading it adds dramatic emphasis on the word
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#6 |
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Now Im Nothing
![]() Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Rochester, NY
Age: 42
Posts: 2,415
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I like this one... It gets me thinkin a bit about my current situation... and i really like how you desribe it... plus you used one of my fav words... "fragile... *nin reference
*... Again.. i really like this a lot
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"It wont give up it wants me dead... Goddamn this voice inside my head" ![]() five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity... |
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#7 |
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pazparacolombia
![]() Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Restless dreams...
Age: 45
Posts: 2,002
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I like it fantasytiger! I like the reference to glass as a metaphor for love on it seems like 3 or more different levels in there. The reflection part at the beginning is a great place for that so it draws you right in and at the end when all is shattering....oohhh...
Keep writing _RED_ stuff
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![]() ![]() "..loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man has heard save for in the phlegathon of unrelatable nightmares; a cry wherein reverberated the horror and anguish of a haunted lifetime packed into one atrocious moment..." |
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#8 |
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EVA 00 Pilot
![]() Joined: Jan 2002
Location: NERV
Age: 43
Posts: 2,239
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Nice poem tiger, didn't know you like writing poems, now I know it! Keep it up!
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