[Redpyramidhead]

Ok, this is long but it is worth reading, trust me.

I am probably going to get mixed response on this one, but I am sharin this with you guyz because I feel like there are a lot of people here who would be willing to and interested in listening and I am comfortable in the PS2Fantasy community.

Ok, here it goes. I believe that yestarday I may have had some kind of out of the ordinary experience with spirituality. I don't know what that word means to you, but to me it can be simple if it wants to and mean simply being in touch with one's spirit or soul. What happened was something I could not explain to you if I wrote an entire book so I'm just going to say what happened to me physically to start off. If you want, you can ask questions.

So, after having a long intense conversation with my brother about something very philosophical and theoretical, I felt compelled to go into the other room and actually draw a picture-some kind of a diagram- that represented in my mind a way to describe or look at the theory. As I was sitting there in the chair, I felt an intense pulling of my arms to raise towards the ceiling, which then seemed to stay in that position of their own volition. AS if that weren't odd enough, my head was compelled to tilt back so that I was looking straight up. I mean directly up. The scariest part was that my mouth opened and remained that way as if whatever I felt connecting to me was doing so through my mouth and my spirit may have actually been extending upwards. There was no physical shaft of light or whatever that I could see, but it felt like there was one. Was I having some kind of communion with something more powerful than myself or something within myself that I had just realized how to tap into?

This lasted for a long time mind you and I was arguing with myself in my mind whether I wanted it to stop or not and I could not decide, but there was a feeling of mortality involved, as if my life was hanging in the balance in this situation and that if I didn't stay grounded in my mind I would leave my body or something completely unbelievable, yet plausible because it can not be proven impossible. Luckily...and I say luckily because I feel that if I hadn't made myself stop indulging in this experience-that was truly beautiful feeling in many ways I can't describe- I may have not come back from it at all and at the time that idea was not wholly ridiculous to me.

SO, after forcing myself...and I do mean by force...I made myself look down and try to snap out of it, but arms kept raising and everything again. Finally, though I got up out of the chair and was trying to make sense of everything.

That was about when I started spinning. Spinning??? Yes, spinnring. I started to move around as I stood in one place, physically spinning myself around and around faster and faster the way a child does when he wants to make himself feel dizzy. Something that I knew was me, but didn't feel like I was in physical control was pulling me further into the spin and I felt as if I did not resist I would spin at such a fast rate that I would scare the hell out of my brother if he were to come in the room and see this happening.

All right, this is where many will argue with me. I feel as though my soul was what was pulling me in that circle and making my body move. I feel this way because while it was happening I felt a form of bliss and peacefulness I couldn't describe. I really do wish I could describe it to you. It felt like my soul was playing with my inner child and I was happy again in the way that I saw life when I was a kid and everything was new to me.

A lot of you may feel angry with me for telling you all this because it is certainly a lot to grasp, but trust me. Nobody is feeling more anxiety over it than I was last night wondering if I had been starting to go crazy. Luckily, I feel better today, though I fear I will probably be scared when thinking about it all again later. I guess I did not want to feel alone in this.

PEACE ALL

_RED_ stuff