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Originally posted by Gadzoox
I freely admit that a lot has to do with looks. BUT the thing is, if someone is 'unattractive', but has an incredible personality, I tend to grow to be attracted to them physically as well.
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That sounds a lot like the way I look at it, but I admit that for me that they have to be a little bit more than 'unnattractive'. And, like you say...there is usually some kind of spark that I look for in a girl both in looks and personality.
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I dunno... there also has to be a spark too...
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I went on a date with this girl i met online a couple weeks ago...she was very attractive physically, which I could tell right off the bat as soon as she walked out the door when I picked her up. She had even seemed to have an interesting personality online. When I started taling to her on the phone I wasnt so sure about her, but at the same time I was intrigued by her unique personality so I went through with it.
The point of this story is that she was actually a nice person in many ways, but her kindness and maturity were somehow not clicking with my kindness and maturity. The reason was because she did not see any need to accept anything about who I was because due to events in her life she felt that anybody expecting to be accepted by her was like forcing themselves to be intimate with her. That was her hangup. In reality, it was just wanting to be able to talk with her and get to know her better. I wanted to get to know her and have fun talking abotu life, but she was completely incapable of communication, leaving her almost painful to try and talk to. Annoying as hell. I talked with her on the phone a lot and one of my strangest habits is wanting to help people, but she would almost talk to me like I was a peice of shit for trying to. She did not think that was a valid way to spend one's time and she sure as hell wasn't going to let me waste her time with it. That along with her assumption that I must have thought I was all high and mighty to think I was in a position to do so
pretty much just constantly brought me down when I even thought of her. Anyways, I finally told her I could not handle trying to communicate with her and I wasn't going to waste my time while I could find somebody who actually wanted to find me as interesting as I did them. I may have been hasty in my choice, but I almost never tell people off like this and I am much more patient with them, but she would not allow me that same patience.
OK, here's the point: If you are a nice person and you happen to run into another nice person, that doesn't mean that those two nice people will be able to get along, because there are different kinds of nice people. Most of them are nice in different ways and have their hangups in others. You will either realize this right away or it may take a long time and you could end up well into a relationship with them by then. (PLus, most people make judgements of others more quickly than people who are more kindhearted so they may think they have figured this out right away.) This is one reason why it is twice as hard for two nice people to be able to find eachother and become a couple that clicks and will survive. Also, if somebody decides they don't like you, it could be because you have too many hangups or they have too many hangups that make it impossible for both of you to reach a certain level of communication. It doesn't necessarily mean that neither of you are in general some kind of a nice person, atleast. It just means that two people aren't compatible.
ON the other hand, yes it is true that most members of the opposite sex will go for those they find more physically attractive first, before they look for somebody who is nice and kind and has a great personality. And, when they think they find somebody with both, they may tend to think they are in heaven. Otherwise, they just want to enjoy getting laid by the most physically attractive creature as possible. It's the painful truth, but it's natural for most people to have that urge for large phases during their lives. Some people do nothing but this, and it's disgusting, but even somewhat decent human beings do it occasionally as well.
I am 23, I don't have a girlfriend right now, but I will again someday and I just have to remind myself not to be in such a hurry because then I'll waste too much constructive time on worrying about finding someone. Of course, thats easier for people to say that have people come up to them all the time and show interest first when they go out place, but I have to try anyways, even though I seem to be ignored most places I go. Otherwise, I'd be my own worst enemy. I've done it to myself in the past and I don't want it to bring me down anymore.
A lot of you are quite young. Younger than me, even. Let me be the first to tell you that you have plenty of time to find somebody. There will be somebody out there who appreciates somebody nice. Don't waste your time waiting and being depressed about being "alone" like I did. Just do what Zoox said below and *shrug* it off when it doesn't work out and keep going.
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I think the best thing to do is just bite the bullet and ASK them if they would go out with you, not as a friend. Just ask! Chances are they've never even considered it, maybe they didnt see a spark, but are willing to give it a try... you'll never know until you ask! And who cares if they say no, you asked and found out. Be strong and get out there and ask!
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The world of finding somebody will always be a cruel, cruel world and let me admit that it has indeed been very cruel to me and I have complained about it to the sky and vented about it to the people I know over and over again, but I won't let that define me.
I don't know if anything I said was helpful, but I hope it was to somebody at least.
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