[Redpyramidhead]

Sorry for my momentary hiatus this past week everybody. I've still been coming and reading the forums and news and stuff when I could, even though I've been busy-ish.

I ran into this girl who was a friend of mine in high school last saturday. She still just as cute as she was back then....damn. I thought I'd never see her again. I was so pleasantly surprised and I had been thinking of her lately. Hmmm. Well, I think I just want to be friends with her right now. SHe makes a great friend because of her good heart and sense of humor. Hopefully, we'll be able to catch up. WE haven't hung out yet. Thoughts of her are dancing through my head quite wildly, though. *sigh* something about her makes my heart feel warm...

I've had so many freaking doctor's appointments and a lot of driving has been invoved with them let me tell you. Also I'm practicing my guitart like a madman lately. Or will be atleast. I'm almost to that state. Taking up my guitar again as given me new direction and purpose on top of everything else.

I'm writing, too. Hope I can stick with it. Sometimes I get mental blocks and they almost do me in, but lately I keep coming back. Or trying.

If I'm not too scared of doing so, I'm gonna try and draw a character for Gadzoox to "animate" for me. Approaching my artwork has scared me in the past couple years...such a daunting task and a seemingly insurmountable mountain. Why can't I just scribble something for God's sake?

You know what's so frustrating. Let me share a little something about me. I have all this creativity in my head and all this potential to create for the world to see and for myself to be proud of, but I can't get it out of my head and onto paper both literally and figuratively. This goes for music, artwork, writing, etc. All the things I have such creative ideas for. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I feel if it weren't for this disability of mine to turn things into reality, people would be able to see me as a bit of a creative genius. I lay in bed at night thinking of all this possible compositions in music and all this musical theory and playing with the ideas of sounds and i can hear it and somehow visualize shapes and patterns that represent it in my head...it's all right there, but wtf I can't motivate myself to learn how to get it outside my head and turn it into something physical. It all scares the hell out of me.

Does any of this make any sense to you guyz? I ask those of you who struggle with their own creativity if they've ever had a similar sounding problem as mine and if they've overcome it somehow.

The problem is...In my life....I feel as though I haven't finished much of anything I've started since high school. I graduated high school, but since then I haven't done anything I can be extraordinarily proud of and I feel like I'm running out of time to do something like that so I don't end up in this cycle for the rest of my life or another 3 years atleast. I'm sick of it. I want to progress in life.

Anyways, PEACE to you all.

_RED_ stuff