[Zephyr]

I think the story could be very good if you know how to develop it. You have the material and from what I see you're not unable to write. Depends on what direction you're going to take. If it's not mystery and it all revolves around the main character, you must pay attention, because it's easy to lose the point of your plot if you don't have an idea in mind.

Well dont forget that the story is in the extremley early stages as I've only worked on it for about half an hour tonight. Dont worry because when I continue with a story I like to think about the development of it and I like to use the right words to get across the meaning/portray what Im trying to say. As I also stated before that is the mystery shrouding my stories - it may or may not revolve around the main charachters. However through personal experience I have found developing new charachters into the first person in a story can be quite difficult but I like a challenge to give to my self - so watch this space.

Also if you have any more comments they are welcomed with gratitude.