[Chara]

Today and yesterday have been really messed up days for me. Just yesterday I messed up just about my only chance of hooking up with this girl that I liked since the 8th grade because of my stupidity so I have been down lately because of that. You would think that I can come home, relax, and forget about how stuff is going on in my life but I cant.

Before my cousins have moved into my house early November my house was peaceful. It was just me and my mother so it was peaceful. But as soon as those irritating cousins of mine have moved in, life has been a living pain. They are both ghetto as hell and disrespectful. The younger one, aged 13, has stolen money from me and my mom on numerous occasions, eaten just about the entire refrigerator at night and deny doing it (she's on the big side), lied about just about everything, and whenever my sister comes home from college her clothes is taken by my cousin and she wars them. I mentioned earlier that my cousin is on the big side (over 200lbs) and my sister isnt that big, she only weighs about 149lbs, maybe less. So my cousin gives back my sister her clothes all streched out and smelly (my cousin doesn't take showers on an everday basis, like most people). That girl just isnt a good person. My mom tried to get her brother (the deliquent child's father) to take her back to New York but the same things happens every time. He comes down, talks to her, spends the night, and leaves her down here. Well, that is if he comes down here. Sometimes he just skips town for weeks to months at a time. One time he left my late grandfather at home himself. He was real sickly before he died and my uncle just left him there, alonem with no aid.

Now my other cousin that is a tad bit older, 16, but still younger than me isnt as disrepectful but is a pain in the ass. She is one of the girls that always want to be popular. That is ok with me but once she starts talking about my popularity is when I get pissed. I dont like talking on the phone at all so I dont have anyone call my house, I give them my AIM name instead. Now my cousin started calling me a loser and shit because I never recieve phone calls. I explained to her that I dont like talking on the phone but she just thought I was making that up. Just to get her to shut the fuck up I asked a few friends to come over and go somewhere, or hang out. That shut her up for a little while but she just started up again. I really hate that girl. Also one that that she does that really, absolutely pisses me off is that she acts like she's scared whenever she sees my face and then says "Your ugly face keeps on scaring me.". I know I am not ugly, girls talk to me on regular basis. Hell, I was even called a hunk of a man before and got my butt slapped a few times (I didn't even know girls slapped guy's butts). Earlier today she acted like she was scared and I found myself ready to punch her in the face. I literally grabbed her shirt and raised my fist, ready to punch her. I just was absolutely angry about what happened yesterday and earlier today, and she just put the icing on the cake. I didn't know what I was doing until I heard her scream. Then I thought "What am I doing?". So I went out for a walk in the rain and released my anger on a tree. That was about 15 min ago. Right now I am listening to "30 Minutes" by Tatu to soothe my anger.

What really is making me mad is howhaving these two damned children in my house is affecting my mother. She has to pay more for food, rent, and other things. My dad doesn't help her pay for anything. The only thing he pays for is my sister's tuition and that is a little amount at that. This is why I no longer live in a house, he stopped paying for stuff there. All this has pused my mom over the edge. She gets irritated more easily and she is starting to hate everything. One night I heard her crying in her room and it made me really angry. I just got up and went for a walk before I did something radical.

I dunno how long I can live in this house. I might end up moving with my dad but I don't want to leave my mom. If my two cousins' dad starts to act like a reasonable person and take care of his children I might stay home. But as long as these kids are here I cant stay. They are making my like too damn depressing and stressful. I am seriously going to talk about my mom getting rid of those two or me tomorrow morning. I cant take it anymore. I might just print out this post and give it to my mom to tell her how I feel about the current situation. I'm not one to just come up and tell people how I feel in my heart.

I don't know why I'm telling you people, though. Maybe because I cant talk to my friends about anything as deep as this or the fact that I dont really pour my heart out to people since I dont like poeple feeling pity for me. Or it could be that I have made a bond with you people here. I dont know. But what I do know is that I have told you people and now that I have finally told someone I feel better. I dont even care if anyone replies. I just had to get this off my chest.