[merylsilverburg]

I'm sorry you had to go through a lot of hell yourself. Even down to the point where you had to self-mutilate too...I'm very sorry....
I know what you're saying...really, I understand completely what you're saying...I actually do try to look for people with the same interests as me...ever since I moved to this town. But, the residents living here are are so narrow-minded (I'm serious, I live in a small, small town) that everyone basically follows everyone around here...so basically, you're getting no individuality whatsoever.

Originally posted by Deathwatchz
you just have to ry to find acceptance from yourself. i know its hard when everyone around you cant understand you, but I KNOW you ccan do it. you just have to try to think about what things you like, and try to see what people around you like. if the people you talk to dont agree with it, dont mention it round them. im not saying that you have to change who you are, just that you have to think about what people will hold against you.

I'm the one who accepts myself (yes I do, though it may not seem like it) because I am extremely different from everyone and that makes me an individual...which is a lot better than being the same like everyone else is in my school. I'm actually happy that I am different from everyone, but the only thing that's getting me down is the part where it's so hard to be accepted because I am actually different. That's the part that's confusing me...I always thought being "different" was a good thing. And what you said: I've tried that too. I tried to talk about things that other people like which also holds my interest a bit. Like for example, the bashing of Britney Spears...I was working with a group and they were bashing her down and since I hate that chick to death too, I gathered my courage and joined in. But...again...it didn't work....once I said something, they all looked at me and just blinked and quieted down and didn't say anything anymore and did their part of the work. I felt so....stupid. Like...I felt like I completely ruined their conversation all because I had to open my big mouth.

I'm planning on being a psychiatrist, and i think that you arent as deep in as you think.

Not meaning to sound rude, but how can you conclude that without knowing me at all? I said a few things here and there and it's not even the whole story and everyone just naturally jumps to a conclusion like this. I'm not blaming anyone for saying this because no one here knows me, but since that's the reason, I don't think it's right for someone to just blindly make a statement like that without knowing me at all. You can't possibly know whether or not I'm in it "deep" if you don't know the whole story, right? To be a psychiatrist would mean that you would have to listen to the whole story of your patient before you try to help them or try to diagnose them with a certain disease or disorder.

who just needs to find some more mature people to talk to. if you cant find anyone like that at school, then maybe you should try to find an older crowd to talk to. most of my friends are 20+, and im only 17, still in high school.

Yes! I do want to find older people to talk to because I relate more with them than the ones at my age. But....omg, you or no one would believe this...but the older people in my town....are still a bunch of idiots. It also depends on the residents of the place one is living in....if one lives in small-ass town (very much like mine) the people there would still be very narrow-minded and just same, no matter how old they are. It takes a larger town or city to have more individuals...people who have different views in life and beliefs because they experienced more than a small-town person. For example: I live in a campus town.....20 year olds...one wouldn't expect them to be mature...after all, they've only just entered college...but even the 30 year olds still try to act young and annoying. Like, they're trying to "fit in" with the "young generation". Can you believe it? And believe me, I'm not just saying this. I live in a town where 45 year old mothers still dress like their teenage daughters because it's "cool". Most older people should be wiser, but the ones I've saw and studied secretly are actually just morons.
Not saying that every single 30+ year old in the world are morons...but in my town, it's particularly true.
Look, I know it seems like I'm asking for help and everyone's helping me, but I'm just acting like an ungrateful b*tch and turning everyone's help and suggestions down. But, I honestly do appreciate your help, but I just want to explain and let you guys to know the reasons why. It's not like I'm not going to take some advice: I'm going to try to be more positive and not let my "individuality" get me down....I'm not going to take the pills because I just want to see if I can get out of this on my own, I will try to be more sociable though I doubt it's going to work since I've tried it about a million times, and I'm just going to try to enjoy my life even though things are bad in my family situation. But, I'd just like to say thank you all again....I really appreciate everything.