[merylsilverburg]

Originally posted by MakgSnake

I know I wouldn't be a great help or even any help at all. But I think its because of how you are. CHANGE yourself. You are sooooo freaking negative about yourself. I mean this is too much. You are negative, and negativity brings depression to one self. You dont need no medicine or any tablets like that. You are the cure. In school you "THINK" if you say something would be said against you in a weird manner. You have to change yourself. (Now I get a feeling that you'll say the first thing is "I cant change myself" and stuff like that) Thats the first step of Negativity. Its something not nice. Like I said, I may not be helping you at all here. But I am saying all this just cause I care........simple. (Even if it doesn't sound like it). Its your fault.

Well Makg, you may think it's all me and my fault, but I don't think so. And since you don't know me, I can't blame you for saying that. I've never done anything all my life to be the way I am....all I ever been was just "different" from everyone. While everyone was loud and outgoing, I was quiet and shy. Whatever I did to "fit in" I just got strange looks from everyone....even when I did try to act "stupid and ditzy" just how every other girl in my class. So, I gave up....I was always "too mature" and "too motherly" to join in any conversations or anything.
Also, it was my family situation that had an effect on me....I never did anything wrong. Everyone just put pressure on me to "be the best" and "do well in school" and I took it as my duty in life. While I was still young, you know what my mom said to me everyday before I went to school? She said, "Don't pay attention to any of your friends, even if they're talking about fun stuff. Just pay attention to the teacher and do your best to be the best. The teacher is more important because homework is more important so try not to have too much fun". And since I was a kid, I had to listen to her...so that became embedded in my mind....and so I kinda "drifted" away from everyone....because I listened to my mother's words and I was shy and I was not accepted.
So, I never really was a happy kid...and the depression hit during 6th grade because I was...."isolated" from my family. Things went wrong, I was ignored at home, at school I was ignored by my peers, I was made fun of, the teachers thought me as "troublesome" and sent me to my counselor...just because I tried to fit in and be like everyone else.
So, in the end...I don't see how this can be my fault. What did I do wrong?
Mena: Did you try to call? I'm sorry, I wasn't at home...I was at...the restaurant....