[Cannibal Clown]

I'm always ashamed of myself. I never seem to be able to help people when they're in need and I'm always an ass to people who are very nice and don't deserve the crap i give them. I never try in school and can't seem to last more than one day without bothering someone by acting like a reatard or talking too much, sometimes just the stupid stuff i say to try to be funny, but it only comes off as annoying.

I hate the people who act the way i just described myself. Mean, coldhearted, self centered, immature, and the all out ass hole. I hate jocks who pick on me and i hate people who think it's funny.

My fears are that some day i'm going to say something that will really hurt someone and cause them to become depressed over it. I always fear that I'm going to cause someone to commit suicide or shoot up a school because of something i do. I fear death of my family and friends because if already seen far too much of it in my life. I also fear my future for not being what it could be because I never take chances or assert myself.

And I feel sorry for the ones who have it worse off than i do. Like the people in the middle east and other third world contries. Or the homeless in the big cities and the children who have to live with an alcoholic father who beats them when they get angry. Another personal life saddness I have that i hate when I see other who go through the same or even worse.