[Lost_myth]

A sign posted on a hospital bulletin board: "Research shows the first five minutes of life can be the most risky."
A hand-written note underneath:
"The last five minutes aren't so hot either."

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Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: The vulture eventually lets go.

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How do you double the value of a Yugo?
-- You fill it with gas.


I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double.
-- The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
-- The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
-- God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender

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A. Incontinence Hotline...

Q. Can you hold, please?


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Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new
car.


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This is a great gag to pull on someone;
Run in looking frantic.
Quickly shout at the person "How tall is a penguin?"
They usually say "What?"
Again, ask the person "How tall is a penguin?"
Almost everytime they will respond "1-2 feet tall."
Collapse in a chair and say "Thank god, I thought I hit a nun!"