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I'm sorry for your situation. It's always pretty hard to express sorrow for a situation sincerely, and I find that words can always be a clumsy medium with which to express a feeling such as sorrow, but still, I am sorry for your situation. And also yours Panuru, with my apologies again if I've failed to convey the correct emotions through my typing. I've raged at the family, mine especially. About the injustice of having to spend time locked within the walls with people I don't always feel love or admiration for; who are as flawed as every other one of us when society is telling us constantly that these people have to be infallable. It's a sad day when you realise that your parents aren't gods. Sadly now, I find myself switching away from the family. I don't want to have my own children, because I don't want to curse them with my genes. I don't want to continue the family line. I want an end to it all. I'd hate to be disconnected from my children in the way I feel disconnected from my father. I feel love and occasional admiration for him, but I can't reconcile that with his actions. When he called me to inform me of his failed suicide, I couldn't help but gloat that I'd have gotten it right, but still, a selfish act. Especially as I had just come out of hospital after nearly losing an eye. I remember being sedated in the hospital room with him apparently joking about overdosing. The mind seems to have gone on to rationalise this behaviour, but in retrospect, it was pretty far out.
Be well xx
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