[Beretta55]

Hi everyone, doing good I hope. No this isn't a "I'm leaving thread" I'd never leave this place but I'm here to explain my random absences from time to time and lack of posting over the past two years and I just want to talk to other people besides myself and a friend of mine on this forum (who will go on to remain nameless unless the person doesn't mind. But I thank her for always lending a helping hand, listening to my problems and being there for me, you have my thanks and gratitude. I hope one day I can return the favor.) who has known of my problems for the past two years. Plus I consider you people my friends and I'm not exactly a popular person in real life so yeah...here we go.

Anyway back in 2004-2005 my Mother was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, if not treated she could of died and the medication had a slight chance of making her homicidal/suicidal. It struck a major blow with me since my mother is pretty much my best friend, the closet person in my life. Well she went on the medication which made her miserable/sick and sometimes angry for an entire year, in the latter year of 2005, she beat it. Months later she was diagnosed with Leukemia, just right after defeating this illness again it struck a blow with me.

She is in remission with the cancer thanks to the medicne she took and has stayed that way for awhile, but there is a chance it could return but hasn't happened yet. Later she was diagnosed but was always suspected by my father to have Bi-Polar and she does, type two. It sends her into a high state, makes her more creative, active, lacking sleep, and impulses to invest in shady or not smart ventures. In her case it was gambling and she did this constantly to the point where it affected us all and hit me deep on an emotional level, enough to cry. She continued to gamble after repeated pleas and begs from me not too but she didn't, she kept abusing my trust until I got sick of it and confronted her with it. So far she did well for two weeks, again she gambled tonight and my disappointment with her came rushing back.

So my mom has gone two-three years of constant illness and despair and I have been a changed person from it. I've been constantly angry and conflicted for a long time ago, sometimes at her for her gambling and neglect, sometimes at myself and sometimes just at random just to feel something. This has added to me not posting much in general on the forum and just shying away from everything. I've not wanted to tell you guys for a long time now, but I decided to tell everyone, it might sound selfish but sounds of support would do me a lot of good right now then silence and my conflicted and angry thoughts.

I don't know how many of you believe in god, I'm a Christian person and pray for my mom, I hope through the act of god she gets better. If you believe in god or not, pray for her to get better. Your thoughts will do her good and me a world of good.

There are other problems, my dad has a few issues of himself that is affecting me but I don't want to talk about that.
With all that’s happened over the years I've changed a bit and it’s shattered my point of comfort that I had here, I never thought a shitstorm like this would come one after another, it’s unreal.

So yeah that explains my absence, thanks for listening.