I think I am a very coward type of person. Many things have the power to make me afraid or paranoid. Then later I realize most of the time they were silly or futile. But when I am scared I really go blank or sometimes I am totally unable to react (well, if you don't count such things as hyperventilation and blinking uncontrollably as reactions).
Apart from random daily fears, I have some constant ones.
Possibility of
catastrophes happening to those I love, being them persons or animals. Accidents, illnesses, deceit... whatever may harm them in any way. Directly linked to this is the fear of
loneliness.
Poverty. I am one of those vain people who seriously thinks as poverty as the end of most of the personal freedom. This is something I am very ashamed of, since I know having such idea of poverty is too materialistic and ignoble.
Stupidity. There's not much to do when facing it. When having to deal with stupids I feel helpless
That's why I also despise the thought of being treated or considered as a stupid. That's the most humiliating thing one can do to me.
Impossibility of a mutual understanding. When I have no way to connect to others, to make my words and feelings clear to the person I'm talking to, I feel very scared. Especially because the impossibility to be in contact with another being often leaves behind rage, hostility, or cold indifference.
The idea of
the passing of time. I think it's because you cannot do much against running out of time.
Gratuitous violence, against persons, animals or things. As many others of my fears, rationality can't be of any help in these cases.
Not being in control of the situation. Unexpected events are not funny or pleasant. Also, I want others to have a precise perception of what I am. If I am not sure of being in control or I feel people and things being out of touch, I can easily lose my temper or get confused or even petrified (yes, sort of like what happens in RPG's...).
Last but not least, I have a small list of
phobias: spiders, wind, food that may be inedible, unappealing to the eye following my standards or deteriorated, school, bougies, the neighbor's dog chewing my Winnie the Pooh keychain etc. But the most idiotic phobia is the thought of dying or being abducted in an unconscious state to hospital when I am not perfectly showered and without hair in a decent condition
