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happy_doughnut · Oct 9th, 2005, 11:06 PM

Thinking... thinking...

I sit here and stare at the screen, wondering where it is that I always go wrong. I just don't understand. I just don't understand.

How can life treat someone so poorly? I don't think this is fair. What have I done to desserve so much misery? Sometimes I think about it laugh; it's funny in a sad way, how life has the uncanny ability to bombard you with things that are too much to handle, causing you to break down, in turn making it all worse.

It all started last Thursday. Had I know, even a little bit, I would have acted differently. How can it be that, when I really do need a helping hand, it seems like no one is around. And how that person--the one that promised they would, is the first to leave.

I found out this week that my university dreams are going to be put on hold for a year. This is so unfair. I think and think, but I can't pinpoint where I have gone so wrong as to desserve all of this! Did I murder God in my past life, of what? Why do you hate me so much? I've never denied you, not have ever had spite or remorse for you, and yet you leave me like this? When I need a helping hand, you let loose the hounds so that they can chew me up more?

What is this? In my faith, where have I faltered so? If You are my safe haven, and are covered with blood walls which encircle the rampant nightmares, where can I go?

This is not fair! I have tried so hard and You know it! Somehow I have mustered the courage to keep going, and I have made it this far, only to have someone stop me in my tracks. No way, there's no way I can fix this. I tell my parents it will only be for a year, but in my heart I know that this year may quickly turn into two, three, four... never. I may never go back.

Do You enjoy this? First You take away someone so dear and then my dream; but why? Why?

Honors Program. Alpha Gamma Sigma Honors Society. Honors Newsletter Editor. Bullshit.

And for what? Cashier at Taco Bell?

Thanks. Thanks for putting obstacles in my life I cannot solve. Thank you so much. Thank you for stopping me dead in my tracks, without hopes, dreams, and even without my love. You're so wonderful. Just cut me in half with a thunderbolt, why don't you?

Your name doesn't even desserve to be capitalized anymore.

Oct 9th, 2005, 11:06 PM	#1090
happy_doughnut just a rolling stone Joined: Apr 2002 Location: of what? Posts: 1,561	Thinking... thinking... I sit here and stare at the screen, wondering where it is that I always go wrong. I just don't understand. I just don't understand. How can life treat someone so poorly? I don't think this is fair. What have I done to desserve so much misery? Sometimes I think about it laugh; it's funny in a sad way, how life has the uncanny ability to bombard you with things that are too much to handle, causing you to break down, in turn making it all worse. It all started last Thursday. Had I know, even a little bit, I would have acted differently. How can it be that, when I really do need a helping hand, it seems like no one is around. And how that person--the one that promised they would, is the first to leave. I found out this week that my university dreams are going to be put on hold for a year. This is so unfair. I think and think, but I can't pinpoint where I have gone so wrong as to desserve all of this! Did I murder God in my past life, of what? Why do you hate me so much? I've never denied you, not have ever had spite or remorse for you, and yet you leave me like this? When I need a helping hand, you let loose the hounds so that they can chew me up more? What is this? In my faith, where have I faltered so? If You are my safe haven, and are covered with blood walls which encircle the rampant nightmares, where can I go? This is not fair! I have tried so hard and You know it! Somehow I have mustered the courage to keep going, and I have made it this far, only to have someone stop me in my tracks. No way, there's no way I can fix this. I tell my parents it will only be for a year, but in my heart I know that this year may quickly turn into two, three, four... never. I may never go back. Do You enjoy this? First You take away someone so dear and then my dream; but why? Why? Honors Program. Alpha Gamma Sigma Honors Society. Honors Newsletter Editor. Bullshit. And for what? Cashier at Taco Bell? Thanks. Thanks for putting obstacles in my life I cannot solve. Thank you so much. Thank you for stopping me dead in my tracks, without hopes, dreams, and even without my love. You're so wonderful. Just cut me in half with a thunderbolt, why don't you? Your name doesn't even desserve to be capitalized anymore.