[tempted]

Ok so i need a lot of advice on a situation that is going on in my life right now, and i'm lost in between hating and loving someone just the same. No don't worry, i don't want you to tell me what to do, i just want to know what would you do in this situation. If it happened to you, which i sincerely hope it never does, i wouldn't like to believe there's more stupid people like myself around here. So i'm gonna tell you all a story and it's a bit long so bare with me please. Ok last year, towards the end of March, i met a guy on the internet, we started talking, and we became friends, at that time he was dating someone, and i honestly didn't want to be in any kind of relationship, i wasn't looking for anything at all. After awhile the girl he was with dumped him, and for some reason he turned to me, as time passed we became closer and closer, and we ended up "falling in love", i think i mentioned this before on the boards, anyways, things we're going ok, but since he lives on the other side of the Atlantic, our biggest obstacle was how to deal with the distance, so for awhile he made me and himself believe that he was going to come see me by the end of the summer, but somehow in between that he gave up, and dumped me. And not only that, but he completely ignored me for more than a month. After that and because i am a mature woman, or i like to think i am lol...i decided to talk to him, my atempt didn't go well, i got yelled at...then a few weeks later it was him who tried to fix things, and we managed to became friends again, now during this whole time, we had many many many fights and conversations about "us"...but i never asked him anything in return of how i felt, i was treated like garbage, i listened to him talk non stop for months about the girl he was with before i came along and oh so many others, i was lied to, and well never mind the rest of the bad...cause i really don't want to remember it right now...but even though i was being hurt, i still managed to stay his friend and support him the best way i could. Obviously there were a couple more "breaks" in our friendship, i mean i'm not made of stone, i'm not unbreakable. Now in July, this person told me he still loved me, but then again, he didn't even want to try and make things work, even though i told him i was willing to change my life and move to be with him, and once again, i got denied and hurt. but still we remained friends...But what's really making me write this in here, is that 2/3 weeks ago, and when i wasn't hoping for anything coming from him anymore, he brought the "issue" up again, and he asked me to go visit him, so that we could meet and then think about being together "forever"...but since after going through all i've been through i got scared of being denied again, we talked and i told him i needed time to think and that i was going to talk to my mom for some advice, well i talked to my mom and she gaves us a very good solution, and it actually came as a surprise to me, cause i never expected that kind of reaction from my mom, but anyways, it was both a great solution not just for us to meet but also for me to see how truthful he was being this time, so and since this guy doesn't have enough money to come see me, and since i don't think that after all i've been through, i should be the one that had to go see him, my mom offered to pay for him to come here, and well he asked me time to think, and obviously i agreed, but somewhere in between now and the night we had that conversation, i found out a bit of a lie, and i got scared, and i acused him of lying to me, again, but he explained himself, and the situation, and i felt bad and apologized, but after that, i was pushed away...and one night i got up at 4am to be able to talk to him and i got yelled at and we once again had a fight and now guess what?! i'm pretty much being denied again! lol...and he actually had the courage to tell me he "likes me sometimes"...SOMETIMES!! ...yes i know you're all going to say, it's my fault and i shouldn't allow him to treat me like this...and that's where i am right now, i don't have anymore strength to deal with this kind of thing, i'm tired of fighting, and it really makes me hate myself for being such an idiot. Even though at the same time i don't regret or feel bad for the way i feel about him at all.

So now that i've indulged you on my love life...my question is, or questions are...what would you do if you were me? would you try to do something to fix things? or just tell him to buzz off? or i don't know...i'm so lost about what to think...that i don't even remember any questions, maybe i'm just venting...oh well.

sorry for the long post...but i'm completely lost...i talk to friends...and they're not much of help.