My point was that at seventeen I had my dreams of what I could achieve, that it didn't really matter what others thought of me because I knew was right. I've allowed my confidence to be shattered, my image to fade and my body to slip into disrepair. If that's what growing into your twenties is about then I'm afraid I don't want to.
I stood in the crowd at the Pumpkins 'final' UK show in November, 2000, and was moved to take control of my life and my future and fucking live it. It was as close to a spiritual experience as I'll ever have.
I've fallen from that path completely now, but the Smashing Pumpkins were the force that in many respects kept me alive during difficult times. Their music is a daily thing. It's hope and faith for me.
Quote:
|
I want my band back, and my songs, and my dreams.
|
This line is heartbreakingly poignant to me. It sums up how I feel sitting here, somewhat overweight and somewhat faded. Perhaps it's a selfish hope of mine, to only find inspiration in the actions of others, but its significant to my life.
I don't want to see some greatest hits tour for the money, and I'm certain we will not get one. I want to see Corgan rocking again under the banner of the Pumpkins with one of the best back catalogues behind him. If New Order managed it after so many splits then I have utter confidence that the new Pumpkins will continue to destroy and rebuild as they always did. The band will be older, but that's no hinderence. They'll move however they want as they always did.
I was twelve when I feel in love with Tonight Tonight and Mellon Collie. It's a long way back, but we all need things to give us hope and faith for the future.
"believe in me"