[happy_doughnut]

Err... don't talk about me like I'm not here.

Anyway, hum. I don't think we're fighting. At least, I'm not and I don't consider this to be a fight. I do agree that maybe this has been enlongated more than it need be. For one, all I was doing was posting about a rather bad day I had that particular day. I was not seeking anyone's anything; I wasn't even thinking anyone was going to reply to the post. It doesn't bother me, though.

The thing is that is it impossible for you to understand from fragments. You are taking bits of what I say and trying to merge them together, meryl and that is why they don't make sense.

Okay:

When I said my dad is never there, I think you took it waaay to literally. It's not like I never see the man. What I meant was that he hardly is around regardless of ocassion. He's hardly present on important dates and on regular dates. He comes home very late and leaves the next day very early. On the weekends I see him a little more, depending on whether he chose to work or not.

Overall, however, I see him pretty little. But my point was that he always seems to manage to always miss events that are important for me. What you are telling me is that it is okay because he works and that I have to understand that. Well, I do understand but I do not agree with you for a second.

I don't care if he works because this to me does not justify him being absent from just about everything. As I have said, there is so much more to a father than "working."

Yes, my dad takes me to the store. Wow! He takes me whenever he's home, be it cause he just came home from work or because he was out doing other things, so he takes me if he can usually late at night. He doesn't drive me to school; he never has because when he's working when I go. So uh... basically, he takes me out to the mall to buy stuff that I need. IE: school stuff and clothes every now and then.

This is all great and good, but he's not the type of dad who will say, "Hey, I'm not working Sunday, wanna go out to eat?" Nope.

And yes, I wish he would do that every now and then. Or maybe not even that, but it would be nice if I'm say, graduating from HS, and he says, "I'll be there." Instead of, "Sorry, can't go. Lemme watch the movie."

And you know, I am so sorry you go through all those things. And it's great that you have the strength, but don't think that you are the only one that can handle it. I can too and I have handled it. Because I post about my dislike makes me somehow immature? I don't think so.

And personally, I am not one to smile and pretend everything is alright. I hate it and I won't take it. Whenever the situations come up, I walk away or ignore them. I absolutely hate having to pretend I have a super-supper family and lie about it. I won't. If people want to believe it, then they can but I'm not going to be a factor in their misunderstanding. If you can deal with it, then it's admirable because I could not stand it. I mean, I'm not a total ass and sometimes I do say things like, "Yeah, my dad sure does a lot." But I'm not going jump in and say that he's great and awesome if I don't think so.

So no, I don't agree. And I don't think we have to pretend either. Life can suck sometimes but if we are always pretending that it doesn't then we are degrading ourselves that much more.

And it's not that I'm dying for attention. Hell, I'd be dead already. You make it sound like I need him with me 24/7 and I don't. I don't because I've never had that so how can I know if I do? What I am saying is this: I wish my dad were there for and with me on events that are important for me. Promises to me are a huge deal and I hate it when someone promises something and then they bail. And so, I hate it when my dad "promises" to be there, to do something and then at the last minute, backs out for whatever reason. I understand if it's important, but all of the time?

Then you might ask, why do I believe him in the first place? Well, because believing is sometimes the only thing we have. I still trust that someday we will promise to be somewhere and be there! It is important for me, meryl regardless of how unimportant you may think it is. Why? Is it that necessary for me you ask? Yes. And you know what else? I am surprised you would even ask.

You know me more than anyone else here and know me a lot better than most overall. My family is large, yes, but at the same time, it's so small. You know how I have never been able to rely on my brothers or sister for affection, partly because they are only my half brothers because of my mom. It's always been that much harder for me. So who do I really have? My mom and dad. And it's hard when you only have two people and one of them can't even be there.

I hate how my mom has to do sooo much and my dad so little. I hate how my mom, despite all her worries, always manages to be there when I need her and my dad, well, he just can't.

We never have been that close. But just because we aren't doesn't mean this is the way I want it. Unfortunately, this is the way things are and I can't really do anything about them. I do wish he were there and I hate how work is more important that his only child.

I know he has to work, but he works like crazy. He can't stop. He works as if we had nothing to eat, yet thankfully we do. Sometimes it feels to me that he works in order to not be here because being here is probably more difficult than his work.

And I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I see things differently than you. That's all. I understand their responsibilities more than they understand mine. I know what they have to do and I know the strain it put on them. However, they are the ones that decided to have children. Or in this case, just me... and with a child comes more than just working for money. A parent also has to work for other things. A child also has their part and mind you, I think I am adhering to mine just fine. I don't ask them to buy me the world like most girls from this place; I don't ask them to pamper me like I'm a baby; I don't ask them to be my feet or my legs - I don't need them to be there always in order to stand.

All I'm asking is that they be there for me when it is important namely because they are what makes those events important. I didn't give a rats ass about graduating. It wasn't important for me, but it was for them and in that sense it was important for me: because I wanted to do it for them. And if they're not there, then what's the point? My birthdays? Well, it's nice to see your parents there celebrating with you the day you were born. Holidays? Those are meant to be spent with the family and sadly, my family is only my mom and dad. To have one miss it is sad.

All other days? A "hi" is great. A look is fine.

I don't think I'm being a demanding child at all. And I don't think that it's because I don't understand; I understand perfectly. But just because I understand doesn't mean I have to agree and in this case, I don't agree with what you say.