[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

The thing is simple: my dad is never there, he simply sends money to replace him, and whenever something good happens, he's always there to take the praise. Why? Because he is such a good father. Is he really? Not that much. He works... he works an awful lot. Now though, it's not so much necessity as it is... a want. He loves it and always has. But this makes him alienated. He knows nothing of what goes on in his own household. If anything, it's my mother that has to take care of everything. But you see, she works "behind the scenes." That is, my mom is just "nice" but not as "great" as my dad. Why? Because he works and she doesn't, basically.

I still don't understand this. So, if your dad is never there and only sends money to replace him, as I said earlier, doesn't this mean that you and your dad are very distant from one another instead of actually being close (and you probably shouldn't even know the guy if he works all the time)? And if this was the case, how is it that you would be so hurt by the fact that he never says "I love you" or gives you hugs or is never there and why do you feel the need to be so attached or to be close with him? I'm getting the impression that the truth is, you and your dad were very close once, but drifted apart over the years. So, why couldn't you just say "My dad is never there anymore and I am very hurt by this"?

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

You might think that all I'm doing is bitching and that's okay. But to go onto tell you why this is not bitching would mean divulging more than I care to, so personal contact is preferable.

I don't mind, but I'm just a little concerned with your situation because the things you say in one instance doesn't seem to add up with something else you say in another instance.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

But still, I don't see why I'm so wrong. Because I wish my dad were there for me when I need him? Is that so bad? I don't think so.

Did I say that wishing your father were with you when you need him was bad? No, I didn't. But from your posts and your words, it gave me the impression that you want time with him but he's always working and you can't stand him working so much. And yet, you say that you're really hurt when he says that "he gives you money to buy clothes" but you actually do buy the clothes so you want the money to buy clothes, but also want to be with him too. That's why I was just kinda like "What's the deal here?"

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Why do I take his money? Because I have to. As I said, he forbids me to work because he thinks I will start getting bad grades and whatnot. And well, if I got a job, I would probably be asked to leave home.

Alright, so you have to take the money and your dad forbids you to work and he blows up whenever you tell him you want to work. That's fine and I understand this now. But then again, why would he even notice or care that you get a job? Since you said that he never knows what goes on in the household, what would make your getting a job so noticeable? If the guy doesn't even care or know that you're feeling sad about not spending time with him (which means the guy doesn't know you at all), then what makes you getting a job the news of the century? Once again, it seems to me that your dad does care about you (otherwise he would forbade you getting a job because he's worried you'll get bad grades) and does notice what is going on with his children but maybe not everything else.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

But regardless what any anybody says, I still hold to the fact that a father is not just a money-making figure. They are more than that. They should be men that can provide for their families in ways that are more than monetary. Is this hard to do? I would think so.

Well, I suppose you missed my post when I said:

Originally Posted by merylsilverburg

He never hugs you, says "I love you", helps you out in tough situations, never gives you advice, or anything?

and this:

Originally Posted by merylsilverburg

Okay, so if your dad doesn't provide much anything (like nurturement, comfort, fatherly-figure, etc.)

I know that fathers and mothers (parents in general) are supposed to provide more than just superficial or monetary things...so I wasn't disagreeing with you on this, but still, parents do have to work hard to provide money because money is extremely important in life. It doesn't fall out of trees (though I wish they did though...dammit! ) and parents have to stress about money because they think about providing for the kids...they have to make sure the kid gets food to eat, has a roof over their heads, can go to college/schooling, buy clothes or books, pay for special classes or special tutoring, etc....so because of all this worrying and thinking, they tend to forget that their children are still in need of "parental nurturement." I'm not saying that parents are right in this case, but it does happen.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

I'm not asking my dad to quit working. I am asking that he be there on at least one birthday, though. Is that too much? No, it's not.

No, it's not too much to ask and yes, the guy should take a day off of work to at least spend a special day or two with you or your brother. But I am still concerned about my main question: if your dad was never close or even cared about/with any of the family, then why do you want him to be there at all and why are you concerned about this? Does him not being there for you make your life feel that much incomplete? And please do not think that I don't know what it's like to be alone or to have unreliable parents/family; a good bulk of my childhood was spent being just alone and getting empty promises or never seeing my sister or mother whenever I'm in a play or singing in the chorus and other things. So because they were never there, I just stopped caring and being so concerned or upset about this.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It is simply about a child and father that have lost the link that connects the two; and that this missing link does bring sadness.

Alright, here's the answer I've been looking for: so you and your dad were close once but now, you've become distant over the years. Okay, so why were you saying all that stuff about your dad never being there at all and and he works all the time and that he never knows what goes on in the household and all that?