[happy_doughnut]

Yes, I understand what you're saying, meryl and thanks. I do take these things into consideration.

But no, I wasn't feeling "emotional" when I posted. The thing is simple: my dad is never there, he simply sends money to replace him, and whenever something good happens, he's always there to take the praise. Why? Because he is such a good father. Is he really? Not that much. He works... he works an awful lot. Now though, it's not so much necessity as it is... a want. He loves it and always has. But this makes him alienated. He knows nothing of what goes on in his own household. If anything, it's my mother that has to take care of everything. But you see, she works "behind the scenes." That is, my mom is just "nice" but not as "great" as my dad. Why? Because he works and she doesn't, basically.

I would gladly get a job, but I can't. Why? Because my dad won't let me saying that school is my job and blah blah. As soon as I even mention working, he blows up, so I don't say anything anymore.

You might think that all I'm doing is bitching and that's okay. But to go onto tell you why this is not bitching would mean divulging more than I care to, so personal contact is preferable.

But still, I don't see why I'm so wrong. Because I wish my dad were there for me when I need him? Is that so bad? I don't think so. You see, I don't think a dad is just a man that works. No, there is much more to a father than that. But I guess, that would entail ggood fathers.

All in all, I appreciate my dad so much. And I'm surprised to see that you think I'm just being a brat because you should know how highly I esteem my parents. They're everything to me. I only wish my dad would be there for me every now and then instead of going solo. Why? Well, because I'm not alone!

And actually, I'm not a hard person to deal with. It's hard for me to trust, yes, but other than that, I do try to be mellow. Me and my dad hardly ever fight and if we do, it is always because of this. Other than that, we are all okay.

And yes, my dad does take me to buy school supplies. Well, he did when I was in high school. But geez, I don't give him props for that. I think that it was his responsibility. Now if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to, and well, he doesn't anymore. That still doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it.

Why do I take his money? Because I have to. As I said, he forbids me to work because he thinks I will start getting bad grades and whatnot. And well, if I got a job, I would probably be asked to leave home.

And don't think I don't understand what you're saying. Actually, I see things the way you do in order to better understand my own situations and become calmer. But regardless what any anybody says, I still hold to the fact that a father is not just a money-making figure. They are more than that. They should be men that can provide for their families in ways that are more than monetary. Is this hard to do? I would think so.

I'm not asking my dad to quit working. I am asking that he be there on at least one birthday, though. Is that too much? No, it's not.

And no, I don't think you as my enemy. I think of you as my friend. I mean, good friends are the ones that dare tell you things truthfully, right?

You just have to understand that it isn't about whether I am right or wrong. It's not about whether my dad is right or wrong. It is simply about a child and father that have lost the link that connects the two; and that this missing link does bring sadness.