[merylsilverburg]

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

I understand what you're saying, meryl. I really do. But see, it's not about whether I'm right or wrong; this is just the way I feel.

Look, I know that you're expressing how you feel here. And I also know that you're probably emotionally-distraught when you posted this and didn't think it reasonably through. However, just in case you do think it through, but not realize it, I just wanted to point it out the "wrong and right" in your feelings. Because, if you never realize it or have someone tell you, you'll always feel this way, feel very victimized or feel distraught by this...and it ends up that you won't have to feel this way if you find out the reason behind this complication.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

For one thing, the only reason he picked me was because he was actually home. Apparently the guy he works with (they're co-bosses or something) was celebrating his birthday so my dad actually came home from a small breakfast they shared. Other than that, my dad pick me up? Hah!

Okay. Either I'm misunderstanding what you wrote here, but from what I'm getting, the only reason your dad picks you up to take you anywhere or do anything is because he happened to be home at the moment. Okay...so those times you told me that he dropped you off at school or dropped you off at places you wanted to go or picked you up from those places? What about those times? From what you told me personally, it gave me the impression that your dad was always available and is the one who is responsible of getting you to places. This doesn't make sense...

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

Even if he tried I wouldn't allow it because overtime I have become a little... hard.

Right, so if you've become a little tougher to get along, then you would also be a part of the blame. I was going to mention this little problem in my earlier post, but I didn't think it was necessary. Young people tend to push away their parents when they reach that "teenager/young adult stage" and parents never want to pry because they know their kids have reached that place where kids rebel, have angst, want freedom, silent treatment, become distant, etc. So, it ends up the parents shy away, but then in some cases, the kid wants them to actually care about them. But is it really okay for the kid to expect the parent to be nurturing and caring but also become a victim of rage or tempers whenever the kid feels like blowing off steam?

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's just really hard to smile and pretend and say, "THAT'S my dad!!" when I don't feel that way.

Why is it so hard? In life, everyone has to pretend in one situation or another. Do you think that when my parents are at each other's throats and ready to start WWIII while working in the restaurant that they don't have to pretend that everything is alright when customers (and close friends) begin to notice and ask questions? Do you think that it's okay for my mother to say "Oh, well, you know...my husband is just being a f*cker right now, you know...usual things"? And do you think it's easy for me when customers say to me "Omigawd, your dad is, like, a total genius in the kitchen! He's a brilliant chef!!" when I know very well that my poor excuse for a dad is nowhere near a "brilliant genius chef" that he has fooled people into thinking, but regardless, I have to smile (which is nearly impossible to do when you're filled with rage) and say "Yeah, my dad is really great! He's always able to invent these wonderful dishes!"
To sum it up, no, it's not easy to pretend that something's alright when it's not...but doing this sort of thing is actually easy if you don't dwell upon it or think about it so much. All you have to do is just say the same BS over and over again and sooner or later, you'll become so used to it that it comes out automatically.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's annoying to know that he thinks all he has to do is give me a 100$ and I'm fine. I would honestly exchange all of my belongings for some time with him. I really would.

If this was really true, then why do you bother taking the money anyway then? If you truly, for some time, have thought "I would love to spend time with my dad, I don't care about the money or the items" then when your dad shoves the $100 bill in your face, you would just shove it back at him and say "No thanks dad...this isn't what I want...in fact, you know what I'd like? I'd like that you stop giving me money and, instead, be there for me during important moments or events, that's actually what I want."

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

All my dad does it work. He has no idea what happens to the money afterwards.

Well, this sounds an awful lot like my situation (and ongoing situation) that I've told you a long time ago when we first started talking...but when I described my situation to you, you didn't seem to fully understand what I was saying nor did you agree and say that your dad acts the same. It would've been nice to know that you also have to deal with a father like this too...because it made me feel like I was the only one experiencing this sort of hassle.

Originally Posted by happy_doughnut

It's always my mother, my brother and me that has to deal with everything. And well, that's all right cause we help out. But honestly, if my dad didn't work, then well... he simply would have nothing else to provide.

In my 18 years, I have yet to receive a hug from my dad. That's right - not even when I was a baby, toddler or whatever. And much less have I ever heard an "I love you."

Okay, so if your dad doesn't provide much anything (like nurturement, comfort, fatherly-figure, etc.) except the cash...then why do you feel the need to be so attached/close to him? Especially since, from your post, he leaves your mother, your brother, and yourself to deal with the terrible aftermath of his actions or his lack of responsibility. In my mind, a guy like this would not even be considered a "father" nor would I ever want to be close/know a guy like this ever. He never hugs you, says "I love you", helps you out in tough situations, never gives you advice, or anything? Well guess what? My father has never done any of these things either...in fact, he even tried to kill me when I was just a baby (yes, he wanted to drop me out the window of the third story apartment building that my family were living in after I was born..and do you know why he wanted to do that? Only because I was crying too much and my mother couldn't quiet me down) so I'm guessing that "giving me fatherly advice" is faaar from his mind...and he also leaves my mother, my sister, and myself to deal with the crap that he leaves behind because of his pitiful self. Now, because he does all these things, I don't consider him a father at all. In fact, I don't even consider him part of the family...he's just some pathetic loser who has to hang around us because he's too damn scared to go off on his own. So Mena, if your father seems to be as much of an bastard as my dad, then I commend you...because you actually have the patience and the good-heart to actually want to get to know him.