Well g Kaena and Sasuke, thank you for sharing
Too much info!
Well, I'm about to get to bed in a few moments. I said gnight to a lovely person I know and I am now ready to hit the hay. Part of me is afraif to go to sleep, though.
I admit it, I have a nice handful of sleeping disorders. One of them I had fixed but it kind of crept back up on me. No worries, though. I know I have the drive to be able to fix it again. Basically, the problem has to do with the fact I am sooooo used to being awake much of the night and sleeping during the day it is very hard for me to shift the pattern back to a better shedule. A schedule where I would be getting atleast slightly more restful sleep. That's the other part of the disorder. Somehow, when I wake up from any sort of sleep, I do not feel refreshed in any way. It is as if I have grown more tired by sleeping more often, teaching my body that all it wants to do is sleep. Obviously, you can get caught in a downward spiral this way. It's very hard to break this cycle. You get to the point where sleep does you know good anymore and because of it you are exhausted 24/7.
Well, the good news is, I know I have it in me to break this pattern. I've done it before, and I've already made some positive steps towards doing better with it today, although it may not seem it since I am posting so late.
Sleep can be elusive and strange in so many different ways. While I am exhausted, often times I am simultaneously suffering from insomnia. This is no pleasant feeling. Sometimes, I just plain can't shut my mind off. It races and races with thoughts. It feels quite manic, becausre they are often times pleasant thoughts. I will be thinking of song ideas in my head while laying in bed. IN fact I make a point to do this before I sleep every night. I compose songs in my head in a way that I hear my creations sort of play back to me as I go along. I thank god for this ability because it helps me come up with inspiration for the music I record the next day or whenever and I am constantly coming up with new ideas involving music theory. Ways to make music more hypnotic, etc. I don't know how common this ability is, but it seems I have been doing it for years and it is wear I have drawn a lot of my influence from. I'll tap into my surroundings, or place I have been before, moods, musical landscapes that can be painted with sound, perhaps telling an epic story or invoking certain anxiety, pleasures, sadness, happiness, anger, etc. Anything I can think of at the time. This is a wonderful way to go to sleep at night, but the catch is you have know when or how to turn it off in order to sleep. Sometimes it gets me too excited to let a certain song go from my mind in order to sleep, thus drifting off becomes a very long process. I think my problem is partly that I worry I will lose my ideas. I am not sure. It would be impossible to right them down in that state of mind. My solution? <y mini cassette recorder that I use to hum melodies and sing or rap ideas into. I'll also beatbox rythmns made by guitar and drums and other verious instruments. THen I'll have to explain in words on the tape what part is meant to do what and where and any wild concepts behind them. I am obsessive compulsive about these things so yes, this DOES KEEP ME AWAKE AT NIGHT!
Other times. I just plain worry about everything. EVERYTHING. Not to the point where I am scared, but to the point where i can atleast no longer come up with soultions. THat is another one of my problems. I always have to come up with theories to help me solve my problem or other close friends problem. These theories I don't expect to come up with completely right away so atleast I let them go until the next time I think of them, but it is another contributing factor.
Often times I will feel like there are to omany unresolved issues including small things like feeling surrounded by an unkept place around me to the point where I lay there gritting my teeth so hard and grinding them that its no wonder I cant sleep. Grinding teeth is a leading cause of insomnia. Sometimes I don't even know I am doing it.
Either way, it seems that even when sleep finally comes, it does not do the proper job I need it to do for me in order to function properly when I wake up. Perhaps I would fall asleep faster at night if I knew I could get up the next day at a reasonable time. THat's all I ask. Is to be able to wake up and not feel like going back to sleep until I have accomplished enough and had some time to relax afterwards.
So, yes I both sleep too much and have trouble getting to sleep. A very bad combination.
Well, that's it for now. Since I am too tired to write anymore I must go. I think for once I may actually be able to drift off relatively quickly.
Sorry if this was boring, but as Panuru said, this is an interesting sort of hole to put your rants about why you are awake still and obviously my answer for me would have to be my inability to get along with that thing known as sleep. Restful sleep, even. It's been a loooong time. The best trick to defeating it is just getting up without thinking and walking out the door, down the hall, and outside. The days, I have to get something done somehere else are a lot better than the ones I sleep away. Next time, I amy rant about my horrid dreams. Heh.
PEACE OUT
I am sorry tired I don't know if anything I jus ttyped made any sense.
Gnight fellow night owls.
I just remembered I was ordered by someone I consider very speical to me to go to bed for my own sake about a half an hour ago. Sorry, chica! I will try harder next time
PEACE
_RED_ stuff