[merylsilverburg]

Hmm...it's 2:16 AM and I'm thinking about the same problem that I continue to think about whenever I draw...

I wonder: will I ever become a mangaka? Am I even talented enough to be one? I look at my drawings everytime and there's always something wrong...I get very sad, to the point where I cry.
Whenever I look at other websites where they feature their works of manga art, I view them very carefully, but yet, some of them, I don't think are very good. This isn't out of spite, but because most of them imitate their styles very much (which is fine, but I just don't care for these type of drawings) or the style they claim is "manga" is actually "anime." They don't seem the know the difference between the two.

Then, I came across another forum where the girl was posting out fanart (they were from Gensomaden Saiyuki, Rurouni Kenshin, and Hunter x Hunter). They were very good and I was very happy to see this! Reading her posts, she said she's been drawing since she was 5 and only started drawing anime 6 years ago. For a person who started 6 years ago, she was very good. This made me sad though. I've been drawing manga style ever since I was 5 too. Yet, my drawings, I feel, are not good.

Whether or not this is an excuse, I feel that I shouldn't be sad that my drawings aren't very good because when I was young, there weren't much reference for me to go on. Unlike now, where there are tons of manga available in the US and there are "How-To-Draw" books to teach basics, I never had anything like this. What did I have? I had only 3 books of Bara no Berusairu ("The Rose of Versailles") manga and one "Swan Lake" Chinese anime children's book to draw from. I didn't have access to all the things others have now (which is why I feel that the ones now who draw anime/manga style will advance further because of this...but they have it easy and they didn't have to go through this process without reference...because nowadays, just as long as you draw big eyes and small nose, it's "acceptable."). So, I improved my drawings on my own...with no help or references except for those. Another reason that I couldn't get better at my drawings was because my parent's forbade this type of drawing. They allowed me to draw, but I never planned to become a mangaka. So, drawing was always just a "hobby." So, I never focused on it intently. And now...if I want to achieve my dream, it depends on my drawings...but my drawings are not good in my eyes, when they should be good since I was drawing since I was 5...but I had no reference.

I don't mind if someone answers or responds to my post/question. Actually, I would like to know some of your opinons...am I being arrogant for thinking this way or what? In some ways, I guess I am arrogant, but I just don't know what I'm lacking...I work hard at my drawings, but they just never seem to improve.