[happy_doughnut]

2.40 AM

Gah, I just finished writing another essay. Again... I didn't have time to do my math homeworks. Well, I was able to do 2 out of 4. There's this one that I will do tomorrow during lunch, and the other... well, I have no clue whatsoever of how you're supposed to do it. *sigh* I'm doing pretty bad in that class... I missed it for a couple of weeks because it's so boring! The teacher is such a bitch. I mean, god, you're 2 minutes late and she won't let you in... not even if it's an important lecture day or if we have exams! I mean, what if someone has some kind of emergency and they're 5 minutes late? I don't see why she needs to penalize students so. And she won't even let you go to the restroom. If you're in class and have to go, you can leave but you won't be allowed back in. I mean, what if someone is sick! What an ass.

I have a quiz for that class tomorrow. I hope it's not on the program I can't do. I'm pretty sure it's one the first, which I'm fine with and another... *sigh* This class.

Lately I've been so stressed. It will be 2 or 3 or 4 or even 5 AM and I will be unable to sleep. With all these things at home, at school... I feel like I don't have any more head space. Like right now, my parents think I'm sound asleep and yet I'm here like some kind of insomiac unable to sleep yet again.

I wonder why everything is so difficult. In the end, is it really worth it? To study so hard and do so much... what if you don't make it anyways? Honestly, I feel so old. I just turned 18 and I feel like I'm 30. Why? Because hardly anything seems fun. I feel like I have to work, work, work.

I get up at 7 AM. I go to school. I come home at about 5 PM. I sit down for a bit. I eat. I wash the dishes and pick up messes. I do my homework. I make lunch or breakfast for the next day. I got to sleep at late hours.

I do this Monday through Thursday... and on Friday I get to clean, clean, do errands, clean, clean, sleep. Saturday I need to take care of personal things (washing clothes, cleaning up my room, ect) and I study in the afternoon. On Sundays it's the same... more cleaning, errands, personal things, studying, homeworks...

Omg, what kind of life is this for an 18 year old? All I need is a husband, a kid, and to replace school with work and BAM! I always see all these girls out and about when I'm doing my errands... with their friends, laughing and having fun. And me? I have a list in my hand and a watch on the other.

Feels like my "youth" alread whisked me by and I didn't even realize it.

I wonder if school and studying are worth erasing your social life... or your life in general.

I feel so... old.

Maybe I should go to sleep. If I can, anyways.