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I had too many days in which I kept on repeating the wrong things to myself, like being obsessed with insane thoughts and making everybody unhappy. For what? For something that doesn't even exist. For wrong ideals of nothingness. Then I discover sometimes I can still be the person I was years ago, happy for a good laugh or satisfied without the need to feel bad for it. I don't know, this euphoria maybe is just a mirage, but I want the sense of drama to go away, I want to stay happy and enjoy what day can bring. I want to act without thinking for days about possible and impossible consequences, about phobias that don't even have the right to be. It's cheesy to say, but I want positivity. Eating an ice-cream enjoying it without sense of guilt, without feeling dead and ugly and paranoid and desperate, starting the day with a project in mind that is not making myself appear miserable in front of the rest of the world, talking to people without feeling frustrated or angry or misunderstood, without counting words and "oh's" or "ah's" like if they were knives to my head. I want to feel empathy not see conspiracies everywhere. I'm tired, but not exhausted.
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