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Vicious_2003 · Jun 14th, 2004, 05:10 PM

Loved the first half of the poem. Particularly this line

Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown

Shows how our soul's are hardened and toughened over time. I like the comparrison..very well thought out and worded.

I liked the second half as well. I just thought that THIS line

There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained

Was a little wordy. Its obvious you have a good understanding of a good vocabulary. That goes without saying... But my advice would be to dumb it down a bit for the general public. And so that it doesent seem to some that your overdoing it a bit. you certainly get your point across well though

and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel

I am also fond of that line. I dont know what sound that would be..but mine would be LOUD

Jun 14th, 2004, 05:10 PM	#4
Vicious_2003 Stationary Wonderer Joined: Apr 2002 Location: In front of my computer Age: 42 Posts: 1,140	Loved the first half of the poem. Particularly this line Growing older, it continues to harden, making its color illusive-brown Shows how our soul's are hardened and toughened over time. I like the comparrison..very well thought out and worded. I liked the second half as well. I just thought that THIS line There's this strong force stressing the chilling sincerity to describe the essential spirituality I've obtained Was a little wordy. Its obvious you have a good understanding of a good vocabulary. That goes without saying... But my advice would be to dumb it down a bit for the general public. And so that it doesent seem to some that your overdoing it a bit. you certainly get your point across well though and I want to make a sound to convey every thing I think and feel I am also fond of that line. I dont know what sound that would be..but mine would be LOUD __________________ The kinder, gentler, Vicious Beretta55- "fo sheezy heezy neezy weezy flipity floppity floop" Lost Myth- "I already know you are something special and I think the Pistons did too, because then why would they have won the trophy on your birthday dude? Anonymous- "Whos more to blame, me for being quote un quote gullible ?, or him for lying !?" Last edited by Vicious_2003; Jun 14th, 2004 at 05:15 PM..