I felt like you were trying to create a rhythm that you didn't quite tackle throughout your poem and your pacing seems off. You have some errors in there, like spelling, that I would suggest changing. Believe it or not, sometimes spelling errors can distort the poem in its entirety. Your message has potential but the way you convey your break down is weak.
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All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places Worn out faces
Bright & early for the daily races
Going nowhere Going nowhere
Their tears R filling up their glasses
No Xpression No Xpression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No 2morrow No 2morrow
& I find it kindof funny I find it kindof sad.
These dreams in which i'm dying, R the best I've ever had
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