My Experience Yestarday
 

Ok, this is long but it is worth reading, trust me.

I am probably going to get mixed response on this one, but I am sharin this with you guyz because I feel like there are a lot of people here who would be willing to and interested in listening and I am comfortable in the PS2Fantasy community.

Ok, here it goes. I believe that yestarday I may have had some kind of out of the ordinary experience with spirituality. I don't know what that word means to you, but to me it can be simple if it wants to and mean simply being in touch with one's spirit or soul. What happened was something I could not explain to you if I wrote an entire book so I'm just going to say what happened to me physically to start off. If you want, you can ask questions.

So, after having a long intense conversation with my brother about something very philosophical and theoretical, I felt compelled to go into the other room and actually draw a picture-some kind of a diagram- that represented in my mind a way to describe or look at the theory. As I was sitting there in the chair, I felt an intense pulling of my arms to raise towards the ceiling, which then seemed to stay in that position of their own volition. AS if that weren't odd enough, my head was compelled to tilt back so that I was looking straight up. I mean directly up. The scariest part was that my mouth opened and remained that way as if whatever I felt connecting to me was doing so through my mouth and my spirit may have actually been extending upwards. There was no physical shaft of light or whatever that I could see, but it felt like there was one. Was I having some kind of communion with something more powerful than myself or something within myself that I had just realized how to tap into?

This lasted for a long time mind you and I was arguing with myself in my mind whether I wanted it to stop or not and I could not decide, but there was a feeling of mortality involved, as if my life was hanging in the balance in this situation and that if I didn't stay grounded in my mind I would leave my body or something completely unbelievable, yet plausible because it can not be proven impossible. Luckily...and I say luckily because I feel that if I hadn't made myself stop indulging in this experience-that was truly beautiful feeling in many ways I can't describe- I may have not come back from it at all and at the time that idea was not wholly ridiculous to me.

SO, after forcing myself...and I do mean by force...I made myself look down and try to snap out of it, but arms kept raising and everything again. Finally, though I got up out of the chair and was trying to make sense of everything.

That was about when I started spinning. Spinning??? Yes, spinnring. I started to move around as I stood in one place, physically spinning myself around and around faster and faster the way a child does when he wants to make himself feel dizzy. Something that I knew was me, but didn't feel like I was in physical control was pulling me further into the spin and I felt as if I did not resist I would spin at such a fast rate that I would scare the hell out of my brother if he were to come in the room and see this happening.

All right, this is where many will argue with me. I feel as though my soul was what was pulling me in that circle and making my body move. I feel this way because while it was happening I felt a form of bliss and peacefulness I couldn't describe. I really do wish I could describe it to you. It felt like my soul was playing with my inner child and I was happy again in the way that I saw life when I was a kid and everything was new to me.

A lot of you may feel angry with me for telling you all this because it is certainly a lot to grasp, but trust me. Nobody is feeling more anxiety over it than I was last night wondering if I had been starting to go crazy. Luckily, I feel better today, though I fear I will probably be scared when thinking about it all again later. I guess I did not want to feel alone in this.

PEACE ALL

_RED_ stuff

were you trying to fly away?

:disturb: I do not appreciate you joking about this. Perhaps I should have known better than to have said anything.

_RED_ stuff

Actually, I'm not as surprised as I would have been if it happened to me say....a year ago. I've been becoming more and more spiritual lately with a huge and rapid increase starting about spring and throughout the summer and even more this fall. I was always kind of spiritual in the sense that I was in touch with the idea of souls and spirits of things in nature around me or atleast that is what i believe, that are powerful and things within us that can be used for helping eachother and healing one an other on a reasonable basis. Anywayz, I have foudn myself being able to slip into much more relaxed states than I ever have before in my life and this i much due to the fact that I feel that I very well might have conquered a depression that has plagued me for most of my life. This past fall especially, I would have to say I have never felt this happy this often since I was a child. Don't get me wrong, I still feel awful at times, but those times appear to not rule me anymore.

So, to answer your question and to respond to your statement Hylas:

THere actually has been a lot of build up to this moment so it wasn't quite so sudden.

Want to hear something strange? I think this is somehow connected to an eye injury I had last spring, but healed from it. It wasn't supposed to heal the way it did. Nodbody else who has ever had the same or similar injury on record as I had was able to heal without surgury. They all needed a corneal transplant... Does anybody remember the thread I made about that whole thing?

I want to thank you guys for responding, this is helping me. Rei, I will look into what you mentioned. Thanks...it actually means a lot to me:cool: I will be back with more insight on my experience.

_RED_ stuff

I had a dream about my grandfather last night. He passed on 7 years ago. It was one of the most vivid dreams I've had in a while. I think it might be connected in some way to this whole thing.

_RED_ stuff

keep us posted on any further developments..

I'd do as mentioned above and maybe read up on it, see if it is connected in any way... it is very curious...

I've actually heard of people who started practicing meditation and yoga after similar experiences, not before. So, yes, maybe Red should gather some info about it to get some useful idea. Though these things can differ from person to person, sometimes it's helpful to know more about it. I cannot suggest more than that, as others said above :P

Thanks, Fortu...ummm.. Panuru? Just curious...I don't know what to call you now!:laugh: But thanks fpr your response. Yeah, the most important thing I can do is talk to a friend of mine who has a lot of knowledge about a lot of things concerning the "extraordinary," if you will, so I think I will try to do that as soon as possible. I wish he wasn't so busy all the time. Also, having the internet at your disposal is a good thing. Research! I have research to do! I hope I don't...ummm... find out something I will regret finding out, but there is no turning back from this. It would only catch up with me later, and I have a feeling I will find comforting information.

I am feeling so mentally tired right now.

_RED_ stuff

Maybe takin' so much crack wasn't sucha good idea buddy. :laugh:
( I'm sorry... I simply had to say it )

Seriously now... that's probably a 'religion' thing... never could understand how those people think. Anyways, look on the bright side... you... had fun.

:disturb:

Ok, I talked to my friend about this whole thing. He explained to me a lot of things based on his perception of what I described to him. I hope nothing was lost in that perception.

Basically, he is saying something extremely unique happened to me and I am almost hesitant to speak about it here, but he used the word "enlightenment". My more traditional way of thinking tells me to be skeptical, but my more non-traditional senses and perceptions of things especially from more recently in my life tell me lots of things are possible.

I, as a person, can not claim to have reached what it takes tibetan monks an entire lifetime to be able to do. I merely am saying it is possible that I have come upon the beginning of something.

Actually, I don't know if much else about this topic should be said here. PS2Fantasy is a supposed to be a pretty laid back place where gamers and others interested in similar things can come and chat with eachother and feel like a community of gamers and friends. It is not my intention to intimidate others with certain topics.

PEACE to ALL!

_RED_ stuff

Qjij, you are taking what I said the wrong way. I did not mean it was too much for anybody to comprehend. I mean, who the hell would I think I am trying to say something like that? I'm not like that. I was worried about being slammed for speaking about spirituality. A lot of people equate that directly with religion. A lot of people that I have come across in my life are not too fond about that subject being brought up. I was that way for a long while when I was a little bit younger. That is why I took knowledge from my own experience back then and wondered if I should think about how others in the forums might feel. Even though, I don't feel this thread is necessarily directly related to religion...well there are things you don't bring up in an atmospher that is supposed to be laid back and the two main ones are polotics and religion.

What is most important to note is that I wanted a laid back feel to this thread, and that is why I am so worried about how people react to it.

_RED_ stuff