Worst Messups

[IcyMourdor]

Well, I think I messed up big time. I made a bad comment to a very good friend of mine. She didn't like it at all, and plus with all of the hardships she has been enduring recently, its safe to say she is ticked off at me. She wants to talk about it later today, but I'm sure its gonna be a while before we as good as friends as we were about yesterday maybe, if she even wants to continue being friends.

Thing is, what i said was out of misguided anger, and as soon as I said it, there was no return. I crossed the line that I shouldn't have.

Have there been a time in your life similiar to mine where you have done something and realized you shouldn't have? Where did you end up after you crossed the line? Were you a forgiving person when someone crossed the line with you?

[Dactrius]

Well, I'll start with your story. The first thing you have to remember is that if you were great friends with this girl, things probably won't be as bad as you think. The bonds of a good friendship are hard to break. My advice to you would be to first apologise for what you said and politely explain it was said out of anger and that you didn't mean it (Assuming of course, you didn't). You have to remember to remain calm and sincere during this, to show you truly are sorry for your outburst.

If this (What you said to her) was something you've been thinking about for a while, you need to explain this to your friend. Tell her that you've been thinking about it for some time and that you intended to talk about it, but when the time was right and that the way it came out was never your intention. Apologise for that, but explain how you feel about it. If this causes her to back away, try not to be too upset. Living a lie in a friendship is far worse than being honest. Honesty is the foundation of good friendships (And of course, relationships). If she can't accept your honesty, then your friendship won't last. Try your best to repair your damage, but remember, if her mind is made up, it may be best to give her some time to think. I hope things go well for you, I really do.

Personally I've put my foot in it several times with friends and tried to explain. Sometimes they refuse to listen no matter what. People can get to the point where they've made up their minds so much, nothing will change it. This happened to me last September and I still haven't heard from my friend since. I don't think I will neither. This happens, it can be repaired, but if you didn't deserve it, it might be best not to try. Friends like this sometimes aren't good friends at all.

People have also done it to me, but I'm the forgiving type and I like to carefully think things through. With enough effort and perseverance, any friendship can be repaired, it just takes a little time.

[squirms_619]

I agree with Dactrius. I'm always saying things I know I shouldn't and sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't but, the way I deal with it is to give the person time to think and then approach them on the matter it helps. I have lost a few friends do to this and I have also kept a lot more. I say that it's very good to be honest anyway. You can learn a lot of things you normally wouldn't if you weren't honest. If this is a true friend than I believe you can get through this no matter how bad it is.

[IcyMourdor]

Just for reference, we already dated, split up, and are just like best friends now. This isn't about asking her back out. It was a comment made about things she was doing. We actually talked and got it sorted out.

[Dactrius]

I for one didn't mean to imply this was anything about dating, the thought never even crossed my mind. In fact I didn't give any thought into what it was you actually said to her. It's none of my business, but you seemed to want a little advice about it, so I gave it.

It's great to hear things worked out, I figured by your description that your friendship was strong enough to last through it. Good job!

[LrdAlucard]

well, i had a friend (a girl) one year ago. she was the cooler of the coolests, she was a person i admired. She was a depressed girl, sad, cold hearted bitch (according to her). Well, we got to close friends and we talked almost about everything. She had a "boyfriend" (that right now is a good friend of mine) but cuz he lived like 150 km away they couldnt meet often. Well, us three were best friends. After many "situations", like she betrayed him with some guys, she changed attitude, she changed friends.. After many conversations with my friend we understood that she had no personality.. when she was with him, she "used" his personality, when she was with me, she looked like me, and we found this "pattern".. someone that copies personality. And wtf does that to do with the other posts you ask? Well, i must say we aint friends anymore, and you know wy? cuz she simply had another friend (not mine) but hers and her bf's, and that "friend" wasnt a good person. She then started hanging out with that friend and started "shaping" that personality, she cutted relations with almost everyone, even me and her "boyf" and she actually made her "bad friend" threaten her ex-bf...a death threat...she would kill him if he ever talked to him again.. and in the end, she blamed him for her being like she was...She treated me and that guy like sh**, and when the "bad friend" got annoyed with her, she came to us, begging us to forgive her, and blablabla..... do u honestly think i would forgive such a person? i send her straight to hell....i didnt even spoke to her again, my friend, her ex-boy actually tried to talk, but whenever he tried she would leave msn "suddenly", cuz she had to di stuff..well..thats a shitty person...i really got sad for her, cuz he got through so much in the past, and it ended like that.....no personality....no shame..no nothing..

well, hope uve liked my lil story XD (actually i have more stories like that...more friends lost in stupid ways....i must be a very lucky person :D)

[Redpyramidhead]

One of the biggest things I can think of is what I said that caused the split up of me and an ex girl. I got the feeling she didnt care enough about me or took me for granted. So I said to her after visiting her the last weekend I ever saw her...I was like... well we had an argument or something... and then we were quiet for a long time... then I said something like "what if I were to go out the door right now? would you care enough to stop me? do you love me enough to stop me from going out this door and knowing that I might not ever come see you again?" And after that was said...it was too late to take it back... and I saw no look of longing her eyes for me to stay... in fact I got more of a "just leave" in cold response. It was too late... the cat was let out of the bag that she no longer felt the same way about me because the instant i said what I said she knew she could not lie to me cuz she at least cared that much. I wondered for a long time if I had never said it if we had worked things out more rationally or whatever, but with time I came to realize that me and her would not have worked, and even though I missed her like hell after that for quite a while... I finally realized I had been falling out of love with her, too... which leads me to believe I never had been.

Sometimes, people take things their friends or significant others say too seriously and don't talk to eachother for a long time over these things that are said and some of these relationships are forever broken...over the world's biggest problem...miscommunication. Other times, the things people say really do sometimes represent a deeper resentment that the other person catches onto but the one who said it does not and is left wondering why te friendship or whatever ended...however a warning to people, especially woman, who especially tend to search for hidden meanings in everything a guy says... you are still missing the point... the fact that we would only say such a thing out of anger is because we give enough of a fuck about you to care about your emotions and feelings. That is often times the truth behind things that are ONLY said out of anger or incredible frustration and anxiety. We are all human. And we all still need eachother even after all is said and done. PEACE

I leave you with a quote:

"Hadda be shouted in the basement where Uncle's were fighting..."
From the poem "Hadda be playin on a jukebox," by Allen Ginsburg



_RED_ stuff

[Uchiha Sasuke]

Yeah this is going to be good thread. As for me as far as messups, lets just say I tend to say the wrong thing all the time. Usually all of this apply
s to women hehe. There is no exception at ALL. I'm a person full of messups, but I don't really care. I got other things other than women that I enjoy.

[Pu the Owl]

Hmmm... I always talk to much when it's not needed, and with the wrong persons. But worse than that is the fact I don't let an argument end when it's time to let go. I keep on saying things I shouldn't say, and every thing I say is worse than the previous one. Sometimes I can even be rational and think "Wow, how could I say that! I could never forgive anybody for saying it!" or "God, that was really too much!" :shock: The more I do and say, the more I need to keep on doing and saying till I see the other person looks sort of destroyed. So.. I end crossing the line several times even during the same episode. Harry told me, trying to be funny when talking about my cruelty during our arguments, that I need an exorcist... When I really think I crossed the "point of no return" I start wondering why I'm so evil and childish and I start asking deities to give me another chance XD I feel more than guilty and ashamed. But you know how these things go. Next time is the same. Experiences don't last sometimes, or they just don't count enough. I don't know. Alas, what's life without many "adventures" to spice it up? :dizzy:

As for forgiving the other person.... no. When somebody really crosses the line, I'm not able to forgive. I can't or it takes me a very long time. It's like I'm looking for vengeance. Odd because I'm the first one to always want and ask to be forgiven when it's my turn...

[Infernal Mass]

Well, I think I messed up big time. I made a bad comment to a very good friend of mine. She didn't like it at all, and plus with all of the hardships she has been enduring recently, its safe to say she is ticked off at me. She wants to talk about it later today, but I'm sure its gonna be a while before we as good as friends as we were about yesterday maybe, if she even wants to continue being friends.

Thing is, what i said was out of misguided anger, and as soon as I said it, there was no return. I crossed the line that I shouldn't have.

Have there been a time in your life similiar to mine where you have done something and realized you shouldn't have? Where did you end up after you crossed the line? Were you a forgiving person when someone crossed the line with you?

you're worrying about the situation too much man. that's not a bad thing to do (not a good thing either), if you go on worrying about things like that alot it'll take it's toll. she'll never totally forget what you said, but if she likes you enough she'll forgive you, and that's all you got. As you can probably tell i've crosssed the line a few of times myself.

worst time, was after me and my friend wendy had just finished messing around. i asked her why she always gets really into it (back scratching, load moaning etc)..because it felt like i was barely even doing anything. i didn't think it was a bad question to ask at the time, i was just curious. She took it the wrong way though (of course) like i thought i was the shit or something, and gave me the cold stare (*with eye roll)..i felt like a bit of a jerk after that (but i honestly just wanted to know what i was doing right, for future reference). I just put that whole question in the "don't go there" file and left. some women are very sensitive..

[LrdAlucard]

As for forgiving the other person.... no. When somebody really crosses the line, I'm not able to forgive. I can't or it takes me a very long time. It's like I'm looking for vengeance. Odd because I'm the first one to always want and ask to be forgiven when it's my turn...

lol i think that would be the main point in my post :P we are alike in that...

[Faile]

Oh I've made many mistakes in my time. Most can be put down to allowing myself to exist within a relationship where my girlfriend liked to kick and punch me, but a bigger mistake now is feeling lost and lonely now she has gone. I allowed myself to be controlled by somebody and that is never good. Allowing myself to now be beloved of self destruction (again, so old...) is a problem. This mess we're in.
And my final mistake is to brood and burn with a fire and passion for all the wrong reasons. I'm seeking creativity to use it as a weapon and show her that I'm not all the things she calls me, even though it means slipping back in to old games. Self obsessed, self absorbed, boring, dull, fat me. I'm losing a lot of my better tricks. Not liking or being happy with who I am is a mistake too and yet that is vanity too on my part. Flawed, flawed, floored.

[Redpyramidhead]

Faile... you are wayyy too hard on yourself. MOst importantly, though- and I think you realize it- is that you must indluge in your talents and creativiy for yourself and not pursue them in the hope of proving an ex-gf wrong. It sounds to me like she did not truly know you from what I have gathered from past posts. If somebody cannot relate to you it is likely they will not take interest in your talents. The thing she said, if I remember correctly, about your musicianship is probably a post SHE should be making in this thread and not you. Something she said and crossed the line and can't take back. Even if you were to prove her wrong, she still couldnt take it back. Most likely she is not going to and doesnt even know the true damage she has done with her comment. She does not sound like somebody of good enough character to dwell on it for your sake. You are A GREAT GUY. I can tell from your posts that you have a good vibe about you and somebody who is as enthusiastic on a deep level as you about your talents should not be be wasting them on proving somebody else wrong. DO YOUR MUSIC FOR YOURSELF. That is something I have had to come to grips wiht as a mucisian. Your life will start to feel so much more ful in that aspect. I am not saying it is easy, but try man. I lok forward to hearing some of that music of yours someday. Any fellow fan of Smashing Pumpkins is a friend of mine. PEACE

_RED_ stuff

[LeCrap]

I get in crappy situations by 2 ways, I either say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, or I'm with a girl and I talk like crap, and then like an hour or two later, when she's gone by then I come up with things to talk about.

Like this one time, I was saying your mom jokes to everyone. One of my friends was like, "Have a good time at the party?" And so I go, "Yeah, tell your mom I said she should stay wild and thanks for last night." ...and so, I ended up turning around and it wasn't my friend. I ended up almost getting into a fight. Lucky for me, the kid ended up understanding.