The Deadly Game

[Zephyr]

It was a cold night, even though I was wrapped up in an Adidas jacket as I walked down the alleyway towards Esher Crescent. The cold sent shivers down my back and made me think about what I was going to do. I saw the house - a rich, newly built detached house at the side of the street. The Sgin on the door plainy read: The Nook. I walked towards it, hiding in the shadows, out of the way of seemingly dim glow of the orange streetlamps. Then I stopped dead as I heard the crunching of gravel underneath a pair of sneakers. Was somebody else out for revenge in cold blood to? Even though I couldn't see anyone I waited for about ten minutes until I deemed it safe to continue. Finding no way past the streetlamps to cross the road I ran as fast and silently as I could - my sneakers not making a noise on the squeaky clean tarmac road. But as I did cross I got the prickling feeling that somebody was watching me. Once I made it back to the shadows I crept round to the back of the bushes to take another look but still nobody was in sight. As I turned back around I saw light coming through the window and the humble crackling of a record player. The family car was to be my cover up to the front door - a sheer black Subaru Impreza with new 03 plates on it. Just as I had rounded the right hand headlight I saw smeone, dressed completley in black jump forward - that was the last thing I saw before I woke up a week later in an extremley bright room wearing a pair of shorts.


What do you think? Becoming a masterpiece or a shambles?

[Meiko]

Is that a prologue to a story? Sounds really mysterious...
Are you going to continue it?

[Zephyr]

Is that a prologue to a story? Sounds really mysterious...

Maybe. Maybe not but thats the myster I like shrouding over my stories - sometimes I could reveal the first chapter - sometimes I could reveal the prolouge. But whats your opinion on it so far Meiko as my continuance on the story depends on the publicks opinion.

[Meiko]

I think the story could be very good if you know how to develop it. You have the material and from what I see you're not unable to write. Depends on what direction you're going to take. If it's not mystery and it all revolves around the main character, you must pay attention, because it's easy to lose the point of your plot if you don't have an idea in mind.

But from the title I have to suppose you have the idea in mind...

[Zephyr]

I think the story could be very good if you know how to develop it. You have the material and from what I see you're not unable to write. Depends on what direction you're going to take. If it's not mystery and it all revolves around the main character, you must pay attention, because it's easy to lose the point of your plot if you don't have an idea in mind.

Well dont forget that the story is in the extremley early stages as I've only worked on it for about half an hour tonight. Dont worry because when I continue with a story I like to think about the development of it and I like to use the right words to get across the meaning/portray what Im trying to say. As I also stated before that is the mystery shrouding my stories - it may or may not revolve around the main charachters. However through personal experience I have found developing new charachters into the first person in a story can be quite difficult but I like a challenge to give to my self - so watch this space.

Also if you have any more comments they are welcomed with gratitude. :)

[Rei]

You should write something else maybe, because the prologue is really generic. It's like if you want to sum your story up in few lines, which is good to have a general idea, but it is not enough maybe for people to give suggestions or tell you if they like it or not!

[Zephyr]

OK ill get to work on it a bit later thanks for the comment Rei.

[Zephyr]

The room was so bright it took me a couple of minutesto adjust to the brightness. Obviously it was a surveillane room of some sort judging by the mirror on the wall. There seemed to be no way out. The whitewashed walls just adding to the glaring contrast that was almost at the point of hurting my eyes.

Realising I was being held prisoner, I moved to the walls to feel for a door of some sort. But I couldn't find anyway of getting out fo the room. Even the mirror was securley fastened to the wall. All I could do was sit down.

It took an hour or two before I heard a creak as a door opened behind me. Whipping around to find the location of the disturbance but there was no door in sight. Just somepeople walking towards me, heavily armed of course, wearing identification badges.

"Wh-why am I here?" I asked frankly. "Why are you keeping me prisoner."

"For your crimes! You have been a very bad boy. You are a criminal to our people," a loudspeaker boomed from somewhere. The speaker seemed to be Spanish.

"I-i-i don't understand!"

"You will - soon - you will!"

Then a silent dart hit me in the chest. The last thing I saw again was a green liquid oozing into me and I was out cold - again.