Lament of the Unmade

[Redpyramidhead]

This peice well seem less cryptic in terms of word usage than my other lyrics/poems I have posted...Mostly cuz the vocabulary isn't as descriptive or overly colorful...well its a rough draft of something I just had to get down while thinking last night and although I'm hesitant to share it because it isn't reflective of my best work in it's current form, for some reason I have to. So her it is in it's original and raw form...


Lament of the Unmade

by

Redpyramidhead


from opposite corners with fleeting eyes
i am often looked at
they wonder why
why do I still reflect
on the things i am not over yet
which is more normal than most will ever admit

But who is there left to cry about the things yet made
when everyone else has moved on
who remembers when we have no need or want to anymore
who remembers then to cry about the things that are still sad
who remembers then to cry about the things that are still sad
Is it the unborn child?
Who was never concieved?
~and for the reasons in the morning I still can't breathe
shake the sun off cold and grit my teeth~ (shouted)
Who never lived as the human incarnation of the possibilities
of us for us
a perfect little angel mixed of us and proof of our harmony as love as human as it can be
as it could have been


should it cry alone?
no matter how old it gets
should we let it cry alone?


_RED_ stuff

[Meiko]

Oh it is a very good poem! I shall read the older ones!
But it is bitter and sad! Are you one of those people who think poetry is only about sadness and melancholy? Don't take me wrong, I'm really curious to know your opinion!

[Pu the Owl]

Your poems are good from the title on :)
I agree that this seems clearer and less "dark" than the greatest part of your works. It has more melancholy in it and no disturbing imagery at all. But still it's very well written. If it is a rough draft, are you going to rewrite it?

[Rei]

Is it a temporary change of style or you're more into less complex things at this moment? BTW, the poem is good, definitely, even if it's a rough draft. But I bet you knew it ;)

[Redpyramidhead]

Oh it is a very good poem! I shall read the older ones!
But it is bitter and sad! Are you one of those people who think poetry is only about sadness and melancholy? Don't take me wrong, I'm really curious to know your opinion!

First of all thank you! The fact that you enjoy it even though it seems so bitter and sad to you tells me that you are somebody who can appreciate all kinds of art which is a remarkable quality.
As for answering your post...I do not agree with the word bitter so much. Yes it is a sad poem, but as I wrote it my intentions were not so much bitter as they were just really full of despair for the subject. If bitterness is in there, it's because it found it's way out of me anyways.
On the other note, no I am not one of those people who believes poetry is only about sadness and melancholy. My guess is you mean to say things that to most would be considered negative. Actually I have a very strong opinion about this subject and I could write abook on it so ask me if you want, but I'll shorten my answer by saying I do not believe that the energy expressed or finding an outlet when turned into a work of art is ever wholly negative or positive, especially in the things that I do with anything from songwriting to scribbling in notebooks. Sorry...I'm stretching the answer...I guess it would be no I'm not one of those people, but I also wanted to make the point that stuff that one may consider negative may not seem completely that way to someone else. There is a lot of positive energy going into that poem. There is hope to be found in it for people who understand it deep enough. (if you want me to tell you the story behind it PM me and I will.)

Your poems are good from the title on
I agree that this seems clearer and less "dark" than the greatest part of your works. It has more melancholy in it and no disturbing imagery at all. But still it's very well written. If it is a rough draft, are you going to rewrite it?

Thanks Fortune:cool: The fact that you see that this poem is less dark than the others makes me feel as though its possible that I may have succeeded in telling it the way I wanted...that it came from my heart to the paper correctly. This time I did want a positive message lurking in all that... wellwhat could be seen at first glance as negativity. It may seem ironic to a lot of people "hey wait a minute isn't darkness supposed to be what lurks...this poem's message is turned inside out."
Hrah! what potential you've helped me realize this has! Yes, I was planning on rewriting it and now I want to more than ever thanks to the fact you enjoyed it:cool:
Actually, I think there could be what would be disturbing imagery in there...but maybe no tin the sense you're used to. It's almost scarier now that I think about it than some of the imagery in my other peices.

Is it a temporary change of style or you're more into less complex things at this moment? BTW, the poem is good, definitely, even if it's a rough draft. But I bet you knew it

I think I decided its not a temporary change in style. In fact I may start using this style just as much as the other I have grown so attached to now. Well, maybe not quite as much, but I'm gonna explore this style more often now, maybe. Thanks for the compliment:cool:


_RED_ stuff

[Redpyramidhead]

hmmmm...thought I had a good convo going. Oh well. I'm working on the remake of the original rough draft, btw. Should be coming soon:cool:


_RED_ stuff