Can you help me please :(

[Hylas]

I'm sorry to bother you with these stupid questions, but I really need some suggestions!
Remember when some time ago I said there was a guy who was my best friend and then all of a sudden he started hating me?

Well this guy is now at the hospital. He had a car accident last night and his conditions are really bad. I've got to know it thanks to friends of my friends, otherwise I couldn't be able to find out. I was shocked hearing this bad news. He was in the car with his sister and a friend of his sister, but thanks god they're not hurt. When I found what happened today, I've tried to go to the hospital to visit him, but his friends and his sister didn't allow me to see him, saying I'm not welcome there.

I'm really worried, and I feel guilty too, because our friendship broke, and I'd like to do something for him, but as I said, I'm not welcome. What should I do? I feel so sad now :weep:

[Decifer]

hey, i understand your situation...
you shoudn't let his sister and friends tell you that you are not welcome of coarse you are.. go there and if they get in the way walk right threw them... go see that guy i tell him you are there when he needs you even if you guys arent talking... make him feel special and help him out. he'll understand you care lots bout him and he'll wont be so stubborn (well dont know the guy but if i was this guy and you did that i wouldnt be mad at all) ask what happened and tell him its not his fault (if he was driving)... i cant tell you every to say if you really care for him dont worry you will find the words....
p.s this isnt a stupid question and why did you start to fight in the first place..
;)

[merylsilverburg]

I'm sorry to hear that Hylas. Well....since they're not welcoming you in, even though he was the one who was being cruel to you in the beginning (am I right?), there's not much you can do. But, maybe you might be able to send him a card or do something in a way that says you're sorry about his situation and hope that he recovers feeling better?

Sorry, my suggestions are probably crap, I'm sorry. :(

EDIT: Personally though, if he was the one being cruel to me, I'd be feeling guilty, but I would also be mad too. But that's just me.

[Decifer]

another suggestion is too spend lots of time when he is the hospital (being really nice) and he should respect you and he will probably do the same to you if you were hurt.... dont buy him anything sappy like flowers just going there to help out should be enough to make his day.... :good:

[Hylas]

Since he's not in the condition to decide if I'm welcome or not, I necessarily have to face his familty and friends. It's like I'm alone aganist them, and they're not friendly at all. I would send a card meryl, but how do I know they let him read it?

[merylsilverburg]

Originally posted by Hylas

Since he's not in the condition to decide if I'm welcome or not, I necessarily have to face his familty and friends. It's like I'm alone aganist them, and they're not friendly at all. I would send a card meryl, but how do I know they let him read it?

That's true. Well, if you really want to see how he's feeling, then I think you should keep going to the hospital and insist that you really want to know how he's feeling and continue to send him cards or flowers or "get well items". Hopefully, they'll get the point that you're for real and eventually let you in. But, if they're the types that are very stubborn and set on their minds, then I think you would be wasting your time doing all that. First off, they're being unreasonable keeping you away when you never did anything wrong. If you continue to do that and they won't let you in or anything, then maybe you can just ease off for a while and have someone who is friends with you and him visit him and update you on how he's doing. That way when he recovers, you can be there and greet him. Again, I'm sorry if my suggestion is useless. :(

[Hylas]

No no meryl, your suggestion is not useless. I find it very helpful. I might try to keep on going there and such things, and if I won't get any result, I'll try to ask someone else to go for me now and then. I'm still feeling a bit guilty for some reason, even if it's not my fault at all, but it's not the right moment to be childish I guess...

Thanks again a lot to you two :)

[Beretta55]

wow that is so not cool. but is his family like there with him all day long? or until visiting hour's are over? but you have to go thru his family i guess. and if they say you are not welcome go right thru them cause it's not their place to say your not welcome or not. the main thing is that you care for him and they should let you thru.

[Hylas]

Maybe it's all my fault: if I was clever enough to solve the question before this happening I wouldn't be in so much trouble now :(

[Infernal Mass]

:( that's some sad stuff right there. Hopefully you find out about his condition soon.

[merylsilverburg]

Originally posted by Hylas

No no meryl, your suggestion is not useless. I find it very helpful. I might try to keep on going there and such things, and if I won't get any result, I'll try to ask someone else to go for me now and then. I'm still feeling a bit guilty for some reason, even if it's not my fault at all, but it's not the right moment to be childish I guess...



Well, it may not be the right moment to be childish, but in a way, the family and friends of that guy are being childish. They won't let you in, when you're obviously worried about the guy and so who's being childish? You never did anything wrong and yet when a situation comes up like this, they should at least soften a little and just let you see him, even if it's for a day. You have a right to be feeling mad or angry and maybe guilty (that's common, even when it's not your fault).
Well, I hope that guy feels better and you shouldn't feel too guilty about this. Just try to have someone see him and update you of his status and hopefully once he recovers, he'll realize that you are still the very caring girl and hopefully things will work out between you two. :)

[Hylas]

Originally posted by merylsilverburg

Well, it may not be the right moment to be childish, but in a way, the family and friends of that guy are being childish.

Indeed. But they think they're doing the best for him, so I guess I shouldn't cause much troubles to them at this moment maybe.

[merylsilverburg]

Originally posted by Hylas

Indeed. But they think they're doing the best for him, so I guess I shouldn't cause much troubles to them at this moment maybe.

Of course, if that's how you feel then you should just give it a rest for a while. Maybe you can go back when you find out he's doing a little better. Maybe his family is just stressed out that he's been in an accident and venting out their anger at you. So, maybe once they find out he's alright, they might be so happy and relieved they might let you in. :)

[Pu the Owl]

Originally posted by Hylas

Indeed. But they think they're doing the best for him, so I guess I shouldn't cause much troubles to them at this moment maybe.

First of all, don't think you're causing troubles to them. If they don't want you to be there, it's not that caring makes you appear like a troublemaker. Try to talk to his sister or to his friends and explain, for example when they're not there to visit him, outside. They could be convinced if they hear you, talking in another place.

[Hylas]

I don't know either if they will find the time to talk to me outside the hospital. It's like talking to a wall, really. You should hear them :P I'll try, maybe on the phone is better... But I don't know really what to do. It makes me feel helpless, to stay here without being able to do anything else than staring at the monitor...

Sorry for being a pain, and thanks for the replies.

[merylsilverburg]

Originally posted by Hylas

I don't know either if they will find the time to talk to me outside the hospital. It's like talking to a wall, really. You should hear them :P I'll try, maybe on the phone is better... But I don't know really what to do. It makes me feel helpless, to stay here without being able to do anything else than staring at the monitor...

Sorry for being a pain, and thanks for the replies.

You're not being a pain, Hylas so don't worry.

Talking on the phone is good but bad too. They will likely keep hanging up on you if they hear you speak. I think talking with them face to face is better because you're right there and they can see your facial expressions. You shouldn't feel helpless; you made an effort to go see him and it was them who wanted to turn you away. It's not like you're not worried or you don't care at all...you do. So try not to be too stressed about this and just see how things go later on. :)

[Pu the Owl]

Face to face would be better, I agree, but you know them and you know what's better in this case. If you feel more comfortable to not explain things in face, you should do as you wish. But anyway, they could refuse anyway, both on the phone and face to face, as they refused to let you in. That's why you don't have to feel bad if this happens, because you can't do anything else than try and see what happens. You can either ask a friend of yours to talk, in case they still keep on refusing you. That could be less effective maybe, but it's better than nothing.

[Decifer]

if you really cant do anything cuz of his family, you should do something to get your mind of this situation... sitting there thinking about what to do isnt gonna make it better go out and have fun with some other friends then in a day or two go back and try again, im not telling you to do this its just like a back up plan...

[Hylas]

Originally posted by Decifer

if you really cant do anything cuz of his family, you should do something to get your mind of this situation... sitting there thinking about what to do isnt gonna make it better go out and have fun with some other friends then in a day or two go back and try again, im not telling you to do this its just like a back up plan...

Yes, I know this is pretty useless, but it's not that I like the situation. I can't think of going out and acting as if nothing happened. But of course I have to focus my attention on something else maybe. At least for a little time.

[Pu the Owl]

Of course thinking about it all the time won't help, but you can't force yourself to do otherwise in these cases, so ugh... just try to keep yourself occupied in the meantime. It's not a great suggestion, but it helps a lot ;)

[Redpyramidhead]

Yes, I know this is pretty useless, but it's not that I like the situation. I can't think of going out and acting as if nothing happened. But of course I have to focus my attention on something else maybe. At least for a little time.


What you are doing and how you acting to this situation is certainly not useless, so don't be hard on yourself. There isn't anybody who's as caring as you obviously are who wouldn't act the same way. In this case, do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do(sometimes heart is more powerful than mind, especially in a case like this...) ...I know that may not be totally clear right now, but the answer may just come to you. You seem like the kind of person who has perfectly sensible and very human emotions so that's why there should be no qualms with somebody like you following your heart in a case like this.
Last, but not least, don't feel bad about posting any personal issues here. This is one of those things that the internet, IMO, is actually for. I hope you, as well as this guy, feel better.


_RED_ stuff

[Frozen]

I dunno if this was mentioned before but probably his family are acting like ass with you since they probably think you are a vitch or something like that, thanks to whateve the guy told them without knowing your side of the story. Having that cleared could give you the chance to see him, all that comes to my mind is to ask someone that has access to them to do it for you, or send him a message directly with that someone, if that is possible.

But I don't think you should try too hard, twice or thrice may be good, mroe than that would be a waste of time, I think, since that's good enough to show that you really are worried, but well, if they don't want you to se him, screw 'em.

And yeah, keep your mind busy and focused in other things as well, for your own good.

[Hylas]

Originally posted by Frozen

And yeah, keep your mind busy and focused in other things as well, for your own good.

I've tried, yes I did, but as a result I could sleep one hour or so tonite. I feel like crap now :P

[Beretta55]

Originally posted by Hylas

I've tried, yes I did, but as a result I could sleep one hour or so tonite. I feel like crap now :P
ugh i know how you feel. i have been there many time's if i got into fight's and not said i was sorry i just couldnt live with the guilt.
but for the family if they still dont let you see him after awhile. there really isnt much you can do.

[goodman]

There isnt a easy answer, Hylas, but at least his family knows how much you care. Do what comes naturally, listen to your inner self closely and make a decision based on what your desires are. Eventually you will be able to talk to him again if that is so desired. But remember the only reason you stopped talking to him was something that he is keeping to himself. Rationalize what you must in doing whatever or not doing whatever you do........