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[Squaredsoft]

Not really. But anyway, this is meant to be a pretty serious topic.
Here goes.

I'm sure everyone agrees that communication is a big part of a relationship, correct? Well, my relationship is being jeopardied because we no longer have any of that.

Problem is, I only have her two classes and lunch, and can rarely see her any other time. Well, she has concluded that out TAG (Talented and Gifted [college level]) classes are too strenuous for her, so she got out of them. As a result of her new schedule, our lunch meetings have also been compromised, as she has first lunch and I have second.

I tried to convince her before to stay in, and I told her anyone she asks would bend over backwards to help her, especially me, but there was no changing her mind. And since this is her decision, I will respect it, and I won't hate her for it. Besides, who COULD hate THAT face?

Anyway, moments ago, I just returned from my date with her - possibly my final one, too. I'm afraid that one of us will be forced into termination of the relationship soon.

I went into tonight knowing this quite well, but I still took time out to set things up perfectly for this meeting. I told her to dress real nice, and I picked her up from her house and took her to her favorite restaurant to eat and talk with her. Everything was quite classy, and we briefly discussed the situation, and then had some laughs and whatnot. A wonderful time, really.

We then proceeded to a friend's place (of mine), although she didn't know it. I had him set everything up real nice and romantic-like, too. I had her close her eyes and I popped on the lights. Placed two same boxes in her hands, and told her to open them.

She opens them, and to her suprise, there was a pair of two golden ruby and diamond earrings, along with a matching bracelet. She loved them.

This evening set me back over 500 dollars, and although you all may think it was stupid, I felt it was all worth it, especially when her face lit up as she saw the gifts I'd gotten for her.

When I took her home, I walked her to her doorstep, and before ringing the doorbell, I gave her a kiss and wished her the best on her future endeavors, then watched her graceful movement as she entered her house.

And now, I'm home, and I feel good about what I've done.

The plain way to see it is that I just wasted $500 and some change on a girl I may or may not ever even see again in the hallways. However, that's not what I see.

You know what I see? I see myself making a wonderful young lady very, very happy, and allowing her a great night. As always, I did the best I possibly could, and gave her a night she'll never forget. I aim to please, and if anyone can ever make her happier in one night, then I wouldn't have done my job.

I did it all in the name of self-satisfaction, and in the name of respect and care for her. She's changed my life. She's given me great times, and made me feel good. I had to return the favor.

My question to you is, should I have done it? Or done something differently? Maybe I should have not even considered it? I want to hear your thoughts.

[Vicious_2003]

Ill say this . If you did all that for her. And you care for you as much as you do and she hasnt recognized it and put forth a better effort to be with you , then your probably not meant to be together anyway. It sounds to me like she doesent really appreciate you, but then again Im not going to act like I know all about your relationship when all I Know is what you wrote in the post. If all thats true then id say your a VERY classy guy. Classy people are becoming more and more rare, So Kudos for that. And good luck on this relationship if it does continue.

P.S. It seems youve doen your part, maybe she needs to do hers ? (If im wrong , enlighten me. Im passing this judgement just from what you posted. Im sure i could very easily be wrong sence i have so little details)

[Squaredsoft]

I'm sure she knows it, especially after tonight. It's just that she feels she can't hold down her job and still take those high level AP classes. No matter how much she cares, I can understand that her future should be her first priority.

We've been together for a year, and it was like a utopian relationship. We never had any real arguments. The only ones we did have were when joking around (I'm a pretty comical guy).

But yeah, life goes on, and if I stop moving, it'll go without me. I respect her for her decision, which I'm sure she has pondered for some time, and we will still continue to be good friends and hopefully, I can still see her sometimes.

This is what I call ending it on good terms, and it makes me happy just to see her face smiling at me, anyway. Seeing her happy will make me happy.

The only major downside outside of the obvious is that I probably won't see her, even around in the hallways, and definitely not out of school too often, if ever, because I work two jobs.

I may be only sixteen, but hey, I think I know how to handle things. She is, and will always be, my Sexy Mexi[can], in my heart.

And thanks for the compliment, Sir.

[D][giTaL]

ummm... well first of all wow, thats the amazing thing that you did for her.
The situation that you are in though, is one that I can relate too. When i started high school in grade 9, I got started into a relationship with a girl in one of my classes. It work really good to because we had 3 classes together and lunch and all that so we got to see each other all the time in school. During the next year of school our area of studies diversitized and we each started to see less and less of each other. As much as we liked each other our differences really started to show. I wish i would have done something like you have done. Maybe that would have made it easier for us to look past our differences and try and get things a little bit as they were b4. But that didnt happen happen and we ended up parting our seperate ways on good terms. Maybe with all the things that you have done for her, maybe you two might be able to find a way to slowly bring back the communication (as like you said, is one of the most important part of a relationship)[I say slowly because with women patients is a vertue (sp?) ]

As for your question. Should you have done it? Well I think I would have to reply to your question with another question. Whas it worth it. I know i've done many crazy things in my life time, some that i shouldn't have done and some that i should have. But usually when i look back at what I have done, I usually end up just asking myself if it was worth the while. Usually if i look back and think it was worth, then it was something that i should have and am glad that i have done (this is not entirely true though only what works for me 75% of the time)!

well thats my 2 cents


ps.. i rarely look over posts b4 posting... beware of grammer mistakes!

[Preventer Wind]

You are only 16? Working 2 jobs? Taking college level classes? That's amazing.

I am still baffled at the problem. What reason is there to go your separate ways? You don't have to be in the same room together to communicate. If it really meant a lot to you I would think you would quit one of your jobs. If you would be willing to spend $500 on her then I am sure it would be worth it. You only got to see her 2-3 hours during the school day as it was (Unless you have block scheduling).

I would say you did right. As long as you feel you did the right thing. That is the only thing that matters. Of course when you're worth $2,369,010.00 you got money to spend

Originally posted by D][giTaL
ps.. i rarely look over posts b4 posting... beware of grammer mistakes!

You and Vicious should be best friends then

[Squaredsoft]

[quoteYou are only 16? Working 2 jobs? Taking college level classes? That's amazing. [/quote]

That's the jist of it, yeah. And thanks.

I am still baffled at the problem. What reason is there to go your separate ways? You don't have to be in the same room together to communicate. If it really meant a lot to you I would think you would quit one of your jobs. If you would be willing to spend $500 on her then I am sure it would be worth it. You only got to see her 2-3 hours during the school day as it was (Unless you have block scheduling).

Well, I would quit one of my jobs, but I also have a responsibility to my household. My mom has been sick lately (although she was a lil better last night) and hasn't been able to work. She had me running around to the stores and taking her to the hospital even before I officially got my license last week (although I'd been driving 3 years).

My duty to my mom can't just be dropped. She can't work right now, so I'm the one paying most of the bills, including the mortgage.

But nowadays, I don't even have time to call her, making seeing her the only option left, and I can't even do that. And of course, you're right. About 2 1/2 hours a day.

I would say you did right. As long as you feel you did the right thing. That is the only thing that matters. Of course when you're worth $2,369,010.00 you got money to spend

Ah, love the corrolation between two threads. And yeah, I do have some spending money.

[Chara]

Woah... nearly the same exact thing has happened to me. I also dont get to see a girl due to schedule problems. She switched out of some of the AP classes I have (like the college ones you are taking) and I dont see her through the entire day. Starting a week from now I wont be able to see her after school cause I'm gonna have to work. So that means I gotta leave as soon as the bell rings. The only time we will be able to see each other is the weekend.

I have thought of giving her a gift like you have but just recently it was my sister's birthday and I brought her a $130 necklace. I might buy a gift when I get my first paycheck at my next job (since I got fired from my last one .).

It would really suck if our relationship falls apart because I cant really see myself with anyone else and she is the only girl I want to take to the prom this year.

All I can really do is make most of the final week that we have together.

Its kinda sucks what life throws at ya, doesnt it?

lol, man, after reading your posts, are you my twin brother? You are from my birth state (Texas), have the same ethnic background, and have the same problems as me (I also gotta work to pay bills ad such). Its like bizzaro land.

[Frozen]

Well, shit, I actually felt like crying when I read your "tale"

Dude, I currently work two jobs and I feel it's a pain in the arse. Now, doing that PLUS college, I have to say, I ADMIRE YOU, SAI. And you are 16, I'm almost 20. Goddamn.

*BOWS*

It seems like you are a hard-working, responsible bad-ass dude. But you are too fricken young, man. And I'm guessing she's as young, too.

There's a whole lifetime for the two of you ahead of yourselves, and times always change. If there is true love from both parts, what is most likely is that the two of you will find each other again. Maybe other people will come along for the two of you, before you get to be together again. Maybe you will never be with haer, again, ever. But because you'll find someone much better (even if you think such a thing is impossible, right now).

There's no telling, man. I, for one, would have never spent that much money on a chick I think I'm gonna lose, unless she were my fiance or something like that. But that's me. you already gave your point. If making her night happy was worth 500 bucks for you, then you did the right thing.

Of the littel I have leanred about this kinda stuff, all I have to say, is do not cling on things, or people. Be on standby mode. If she decides to give you more time, that'd be awsome. If not, it should not affect you as much, remember there is thousands of women that would love a guy like you, and probably give you the time you deserve.

Just remember waht I said man: you are too fricken young. It's not good to focus on somebody else's life on that age: focus on yourself and your mom, who, by the way, I hope she gets better.

I wish you the best luck, man.

[Vicious_2003]

Damn i didnt know he was 16. Thats insane. And not to undermine you or antyhing but relationships that start when your sixteen are probably not going to last forever. At that age you dont know enough about yourself much less about other people or life in general to commit to something like that. You did the classy thing but id say at that age relationships arent worth a 100$ investment, much less 500$

I dont know if you said or not but how old is she ?

You and Vicious should be best friends then

Here we go again

[Squaredsoft]

She's about a month older than I am - sixteen, as well.

I don't know how much I know about relationships, but I do know I have been in a lot of them, and this one is the only one where separation has become this big of an issue to me.

And I do know about life. I've been through more than you can imagine, and still survive. I just don't know why and how.

[Pu the Owl]

If you're questioning the fact you have spent so much for her, it means you're not too sure of your actions, even if you say you are. BTW, don't be offended by my words: I think 16 is a bit too early to get involved in such relationships, when you have to buy expensive jewels or pay for elegant restaurants to make a girl happy! You probably feel mature enough to do it, but to me it seems a bit early for this kind of relationship, especially considering from your words the girl probably doesn't share your same maturity. I'd suggest you to not think you have to do all these things to please a girl you like/love. Simple things are enough to show your love, there's no need for acting like a 30 years old man in love with a 30 years old woman. I myself still feel embarassed (and I'm older than you) when I receive expensive gifts. Expressing your attention doesn't mean spending more and more and more. Happiness is not necessarily hidden in these values. When you'll be older you'll probably understand what I mean. But anyway, depends on the girl. Some girls value expensive gifts much more than a couple of words. But here is your initial problem: no conversation=relationship ending. Can a pair of earrings buy 5 minutes of communication with the one we love? And also, is it fair to use these means, most of all towards yourself? To me, the answer is no, to you I don't know... but if you need to spend to make a girl feel special, then you'll never be able to build stable relationships in difficult times. Again, there are several men who act like you did thinking this could save a relationship with a woman, but not when they're only aged 16. I don't think you shoud have done it. There could have been other ways to make that girl and yourself satisfied.

I don't know you enough to be more specific, sorry.

[merylsilverburg]

I believe the decision is up to you. If you feel it was worthwhile to spend the money on the girl, then it obviously must be. But, if you're having doubts, then I'd say this situation was due to your emotions and lack of reasoning. Please don't be offended by what I say, but could it be you spent all this just because you felt you had to? If you're in doubt, this could be the reason. However, if you do not feel this way, you might really do care for the girl and it was worth the time and money to take her out and give her gifts.
As Fortune said, in order to show your appreciation for the person you love/like, doesn't mean you have to spend millions on them. There are some people who do this, but if they constantly shower their partner with gifts, I feel it's more based on material love than "true love". I really don't think you should've done it because since you are only 16 and have many responsibilities. Taking care of your mom, paying the bills, juggling two jobs, and taking AP classes, and keeping up your grades...that's very talented. With all these duties you have, you really shouldn't have spent the $500 on the girl. Why? Because relationships come and go, but your family/duties are more important, IMO. I do believe you should have your time for personal life, but right now, I don't feel you should be thinking of that. In the future, you might meet more people and find the one you really feel worthwhile spending time with. And who knows? In the future, you might even have more time to really search for your partner. And because you and that person will be more older and more wiser/mature, the relationship might turn out to be "real".

Uh...I'm sorry if I ran off the topic or if I offended you. I'm just giving out my opinion of the situation.

[Preventer Wind]

I don't think your age should be a factor. People do marry their High School sweethearts. One of my sisters did. She went out with the guy since she was in Middle School and didn't marry until her mid 20s.

As for your family being more important....well isn't the reason you are treating her so well is because in the future you would like to start a family with her? People who say relationships come and go are people that have not met the right person for themselves yet. Money comes and goes. If you truly love her then I say you did the right thing. I think the only thing left to do is see how she feels about you and what she wants to do.

And besides Fortune said she felt embarrassed when she receives expensive gifts. She never said she didn't like it or appreciate it

[Pu the Owl]

Originally posted by Preventer Wind
And besides Fortune said she felt embarrassed when she receives expensive gifts. She never said she didn't like it or appreciate it

To me, feeling embarassed is always a negative feeling. I'd rather not receive expensive gifts, mainly because it feels like wanting to put a seal on a relationship, which is something I don't need - I mean, I don't need expensive gifts to put a seal on something. It's like a way to make the person who receives them feel in a position where it's impossible to say "no".

And regarding the age factor, of course there are persons who get married when they're only 20, or even earlier, but this is not the case. Squaredsoft clearly stated the relationship was going to end because of lack of communication among them. If you feel things are going so bad when you're only 16, and you act like an older person trying to save a marriage or a love relationship thanks to money, well, this is what most of all I consider pointless. Relationships shouldn't be improved and satisfaction and happiness obtained thanks to money. This is something adults do all the time, and if it's true that sometimes this avoids relations to end (for the same "putting a seal on something" principle I was talking about in the first lines of this post), it's also true that this doesn't imply the relationship will get better and the couple's problems will disappear. It's false values you're relying on, not love, not real interest, not communication. Even if buying something expensive may seem a noble thing to do to show your appreciation, being satisfied for the happiness you can obtain this way isn't a positive thing. If you ask me, I think in most cases this is a narcissistic attitude, not a noble action. Squaredsoft himself admitted he did it also in name of self-satisfaction. Call me stupid, but I think self-satisfaction and true love are mortal enemies. There are so many ways to make a person happy... if there's affection and love money is not necessary, especially for a young boy like Squaredsoft is. Adults often need these means to be reassured, but then we often like to say adulthood is rotten and we regret the innocent and spontaneous ways of youth. Being 16 and needing to spend 500$ to make a person happy isn't that spontaneous IMO...

[Preventer Wind]

I never said that what he did was a noble thing. I just think that what he did was the right thing to do. It's not like he had a history of spending lavish amounts of money on her. What is wrong with giving it one last shot? The thing I hear from people is that they wish they would have done this or that. I myself say that sometimes. But at least now he can look back and say he tried. Call me stupid, but I think self-satisfaction and love go hand in hand.

I don't really think this was a move to save his relationship. I think he did it more to thank her for the relationship and maybe to keep it going. I don't think it matters if he took her to McDonalds and spent $10 on her. If that was the best he could to show his appreciation for her then I will always believe that is the right thing to do.

You offer a different perspective on the matter. In fact the females are on one side and the males on the other. I doubt that's a coincidence.... But this seal you speak of.... It sounds a lot like a marriage proposal.... or am I just crazy? But are you saying it doesn't feel good to know someone is willing to do those kinds of things for you?

[Meiko]

I am a girl, I like gifts, not that I value them more than anything else, but being a boy I wouldn't spend so much for a relationship that lacks something. You say you wanted to make this girl happy, but you said the relationship itself wasn't making you very happy anymore and that she didn't show the same concerns about it. This doesn't make much sense to me

[Pu the Owl]

Preventer, I know you haven't said that was a noble thing to do. Someone else called it "noble", I don't remember who at the moment, I think it was Frozen. Don't make me read all posts again

I'm not speaking of marriage in particular, but c'mon, I think you know what I'm talking about. Some boys use gifts just to ask something or to suggest something in particular occasions. That is done in name of self-satisfaction. I'm not talking about the satisfaction you get from making someone happy, which I repeat in my opinion isn't something you can buy with money, I'm talking of purely narcissistic self-satisfaction: you do something important because you feel satisfied by the mere fact of doing it, or you're satisfied guessing after that the other person will look at you in a different way. It's a pleasant feeling, I know, but love is slightly different. You do it for yourself, for your ego. Girls don't do it as much as boys. You're right when you say girls and boys are on different sides. It is also true that girls can be fooled a lot more by it than boys. Some boys don't value the relationship very much, but they keep on buying expensive gifts for their girlfriends. It's a bit like obtaining the possession of the girl's affection with money. Not saying this is Squaredsoft's case though, and anyway Squaredsoft was the first person to express his doubts regarding his action of spending all that money in that occasion. He's not 100% sure of his choice, probably, for a reason or another. I've only suggested that starting buying these kind of gifts when you're 16 you'll end considering gifts as part of a trade called "love" when you're older. When you're young you don't need these things. When you're older, you often end being so "corrupted" by routine, relationships coming and going, other life's worries, that most of the times spending becomes the easiest way to solve your love troubles. Better delaying this process if you can

[Preventer Wind]

I agree with everything you said Fortune. Just look at Kobe Bryant. He sleeps with another woman and soon his wife has a new expensive ring. It happens a lot. I think it's wrong too. It's like buying a person. But I think in Squaredsoft's case it was just to show his appreciation. I wasn't trying to say you had to lavish a person to get them to love you. I just think that it's nice to do it sometimes. It makes you feel good. And I think it makes the other person feel good to.

[Hero]

I've been in a lot of relationships. I can sum up all of what would take 20 minutes to type by telling you this. You're in high school... You're too young to understand the dynamics of a long term relationship. You don't know what it means to sort out your priorities.

Think of it this way. Let's say she was moving away, and you can't move there because you're still with your parents. If you were older than 18 and living on your own, what would you do then? What do you think you would do if you WERE older than 18... Would you make the same decision that you would make now?

If your best friend spent 500 bucks on a girl he was with for a year or something, what would you tell him? If you knew his hobbies and desires and knew that he passed them up for a girl that he wasn't even married to, how would that make you feel?

The best way to judge a decision you make, is to look at it from an alterior perspective.

I use my mom to judge my actions. My mother is a beautiful and smart person and I always think of her before I make any rash decisions.

My straight forward opinion. You spent too much money on that girl, bro, and she walked away like a highway bandit. If she really cares about you, it wouldn't take more than 20 dollars to get a cheerful hug and kiss from her. If she LOVES(D) you, then it wouldn't take ANY money.

I've been through 6 relationships, 1 girlfriend, and 2 girls that I just dated but didn't follow through. I'll tell you this, it's never REALLY worth it, it just depends on how you feel, and how responsible you are. If you're only 16, then you're only 16, and no matter how you look at it, you can't compare your experience or knowledge to someone older that's been through more. Sure, you could tell me, "Yeah but I'm mature enough to know how I feel"... Yeah, maybe you are mature enough to know how you feel, but you're damn sure, not mature enough to know how to handle the way you feel.

What you did: Find out your girl might leave you so she can prioritize on school. Buy her 500 dollars worth of crap that you will never see in spades. Give her a romantic dinner at your friends place.

What Sonny would've done: Ask her about it. Tell her, "You know I'll always be there for you baby... No matter what happens, if you need help or space for school... I know better than to call you all the time or bug a boo... If you think it best for us to part on good terms, rather than face conflict later and part on bad terms, then I'm cool with that..." If she decides to stay together, because she cares too much to give up, then I'll buy her some earrings and dinner, but if she decides to break up because she doesn't care about me enough to face a struggle with me by her side, then I'll take her to a movie, drive her home, give her a kiss and a hug, make sure she gets inside safely, and take my boys out to kick it.

Peace

[Vicious_2003]

In High School alot of the times a guy buys a gift for a girl he's expecting something in return if you know what I mean . Not ALL guys of course, but at my old HS id say most