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[Beretta55]

Resident Evil

i found this a quite long time ago but enjoy it.

Enter the mansion

*Jill, Barry and Wesker all walk through the mansion doors and look around the mansion hall*
Barry "What is this?"
Jill "Its a freakin Mansion Barry, whats it look like?"
*Barry looks down at floor embaressed, while Wesker smirks amusingly*
Wesker "Wow what a mansion!"
Barry "Yeah, woulda made a great ***** house in the 30s"
*Jill inspects the rest of the hall and runs back to Wesker and Barry*
Jill "Captain Wesker, wheres Chris? He had our picnic basket for God sakes!"
*Wesker and Barry stare at Jill. Jill then runs towards the mansion entrance*
Jill "Screw this, im goin to 7eleven. You guys want anything?"
Barry "Well, i wouldnt mind a Twinkie or two..."
*Wesker stops Jill from opening the Mansion door*
Wesker "Stop it, dont open that door! Your all supposed to die.....errr dine here! Forget 7eleven Jill, we can all have a home cooked meal right here!"
Jill "Ahh ok (Jill scowls down at the floor before getting over it). Anywhere where was I..... oh yeah....but Chris is..."
*Their thoughts are interupted by gunfire*
Barry "What is it?"
Wesker "Maybe its the doorbell?"
*Barry gives Wesker a confused look and Jill shakes her head in dismay*
Wesker (sigh) "Alright... Maybe its......Chris....."
*Barry and Jill nod approvingly*
Wesker "Now Jill, can you go?"
Barry "Im going with. Chris is our old partner you know..."
Wesker "Oh i know whatcha mean Barry (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)hehehehe"
*Wesker chuckles softly. Jill gives him an evil look and Wesker stops, while Barry blushes and looks down at the floor*
Wesker "Ok, let me handle this"
*Wesker points to the mud stains on the floor, and pulls out a toothbrush and some polish from his pocket. Barry and Jill give Wesker another weird look. Then they start to head towards the doors on the left side of the hall*
Wesker "Stay alert, and remember, look both ways when your crossing a hallway!"
*Jill nods obediantly, and follows Barry through the door*
Wesker "Hehe, ive got them in the mansion. Now all i need to do is stop them from getting out of the mansion, then the world will be mine!"
*Wesker laughs out loud maniacally*
Jill (From the other room) "HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!"
Wesker "Sorry. (Wispers under his breath) Whiney little b!tch"


Jill and Barry investigate the dining room

*Jill and Barry enter the dining room. Barry walks on ahead*
Barry"...The dining room"
Jill"Well were dya make that astute observation genius?"
*Jill gestures towards the huge table and cutlery. Barry ignores her and continues investigating the room*
Jill"Hmm wonder if they got any left over auderves here?"
*Jill starts searching the table but is interupted by Barry*
Barry"What! What is this?"
*Jill quickly stuffs a shrimp in her mouth and dashs over to Barry*
Jill*with a full mouth* "Whaff iss ith?"
*Jill sprays chunks of shrimp all over Barrys discovery*
Barry"Awww Jill look what ya done now! Its ruined the colour and pattern of the blood!"
Jill"Barry, its tomato soup you numbnut..."
*Barry looks sad and looks down at the floor as Jill pities him*
Jill*sigh* Ok, ok.....what is it?"
*Barry smiles happily*
Barry"Blood...."
*Jill mock applauds Barry*
Barry"Jill, see if you can find any other clues, ill be examining this"
Jill"Ok... hey wait a minute, why do i have to go?"
Barry"Because im looking at this blood puddle, and plus im a retard who will just keep asking questions all the time"
*Barry chuckles away whilst Jill scowls and moves towards the door*
Barry"I hope this is not Chris's blood..."
Jill"The hell would you know smarta$$?"
*Barrys continues to move his head side to side whilst checking his reflection in the blood puddle whilst Jill goes through the door into a corridor*
Jill"Jeez, wheres the bathroom round here, i gotta p!ss like a dog"
*Jill walks round a nearby corner, where a human is eating something*
Jill"Man, if i was a guy i could use that plant in the corner! Oh wait theres someone, excuse me Sir?"
*The human stops eating and a head drops to the floor, with half its face eaten away*
Jill"Hey wait a minute! Thats Tupac Shakur! YOU B@ST@RD, you killed Tupac!"
*The human turns its head to reveal its rotting white bloodstained face*
Jill"Umm hey did i call you a b@st@rd? Hehe, my mistake..i mean its not a bad thing... Pac probably woulda been wasted by some East Siders anyway if it wasnt for you...hehe"
*The human creature rises to its feet and shuffles towards Jill. Jill reacts quickly and makes a huge rocket launcher appear magically in her hands.*
Jill"Swweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"
*Jill fires a rocket at the creature and it explodes into pieces*
Jill"Hehe thats was for you Pac"
*Jill walks upto Tupacs corpse and says a little prayer, whilst looting some ammo from his body*
Jill"Yoink!"
*Jill runs back to Barry*
Jill"I just hope that idiot hasnt burned anything"
*Jill steps through the door and runs towards Barry, still staring at the blood pool dumbfounded*
Jill"Barry... i dont know how to tell you this...but Tupac Shakur is..."
*Jill is interupted by a door opening and closing.*
Barry"What is it!"
Jill"FOR GODS SAKES STOP ASKIN FREAKING QUESTIONS AND SHOOT THAT MOTHER F**KIN MONSTER!... hey didnt i just pop that guy?"
Barry*in a macho voice*"Let me handle this"
*Barry fires one shot a minute at the creature who stands still giving Barry a confused look, whilst Jill stands hands on hips tapping her rocket launcher against her thigh looking at her watch. Barry finally finishes the creature off with his 3rd shot.*
Jill"Looks like someone bought a cheapo Magnum..."
*Barry investigates the corpse*
Barry"What is it?"
*Jill screams in anger at Barrys retardedness*
Jill"STOP ASKIN THOSE DUMB QUESTIONS!*sigh* Remember what the shrink said, deep breaths and count to ten...."
*Jill takes 10 deep breaths as Barry stays silent and still so as not to annoy Jill*
Jill*sigh*"Lets report this to Wesker. I better damn well be able to see my face in that floor..."
*Jill and Barry run towards the dining room doors*

[happy_doughnut]

Heh heh. That was pretty cool! I like Jill's character...tomato soup Is it going to be continued? In anycase, good story!

[Beretta55]

Originally posted by Mena
Heh heh. That was pretty cool! I like Jill's character...tomato soup Is it going to be continued? In anycase, good story!

you can continue it if you want.

[Pu the Owl]

I'm sure Mena would do an amazing work with a story like this one, because her funny stories are always brilliant stuff!

Anyway, this one is pretty funny as well

[Indrid Cold]

Cool,, not Bad!!