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[happy_doughnut]

Man, it's been such a long time since I last picked up the pen, I almost forgot how it's supposed to be held.

Ah... this forum brings back memories .

But anyway, I am here now and in need of requesting your help:
For next year's classes, I am to submit 3 "texts". Not really knowing what the hell texts are (and... no ), I decided to write poems. As most of you may know, I have no skill for them. Sure, I can write an "okay" short story, but I suck when it comes to poetry.
And yes - that is why I have come... so that some of you may kindly take time to ream my (insipid) poems and give me feedback.

I need help, so that I'll know whether I need to work more on them or not... so help me... and stop trying to bite me!

They're 3 of 'em, so bear with me for a bit!

________________________________________

Poem 1 :


A Name Written in Gold


Why can’t I be him?
Why must I be me?
Why must he be so great?
And me so stagnate?

Why…
Why…

----

Surely - I have felt this:
This inexplicable woe of the heart;
One that shuns my majestic art

I must forsake it -
I must suppress it -
I must relinquish it --
I must eliminate it!

No more shall you weigh down upon my hopes and dreams
No more shall you be the dictator of suppressing regimes!
No! I shall have it not
For love for myself has a home in my heart:

I am me –
And shall always be
I won’t be you -
I don’t want to be you

There is something within me -
Something that shimmers and shines like the radiant beams of the morning sun
Something that is mine:
Something you will never have

I am different from all the rest
And surely – I am the best:
The best, for the best of things are surrogated with a different light
But alas! I’m not bathed in sublime light -
For I am the light!

The light
The light, which was bestowed upon me by a higher might,
I must protect with insurmountable height!

Now, I bid you to be gone, doubt of doom
And may you never lurk near me any time soon
I know I cannot be the person that is to my right
To my left, nor to my front
I know this, but I also know:
That person cannot ever be me

So, now I cast you off
Like the evil demon you are!
Do not try to conceal my heart with your dark crimson lies, shadow of doubt
For never again shall I far under your spell –

My heart, that small muscle that separates me from the rest –
That is where my light lies
The light that you, nor no one else, shall ever have –
The light that was given to me, and only me

My heart – like no one else’s – bears my name
A name engraved in gold
For my heart is gold, and so am I
My entity is irreplaceable
I don’t long to be what I am not,
For I know that I cannot

The only person I can be
Is me –
And that is how it shall always be
Me with my shining light and name of gold –
The very one I always, but never realized, I bore.

_______________________________________

Poem 2 :



The Immortal


All the walls are closing in,
The floor that supports me is too thin.
Living on wits, my will so dire,
Needing water, my soul's on fire

From the womb onto the grave,
Evermore I remain their slave
I long for the day I break free,
I long for the day I can be me.

I can't keep up, I’m falling behind,
The feeling constantly destroys my mind
The future now is all past tense,
My mind is racing, nothing makes sense

I pray for that ending dawn,
But still I manage to carry on.
No more do you see but a slimy, despicable thing
but you don’t know what I can bring.

Purified water… Come to me and quench my flame,
the one that is burning and looking to drive me insane
Calming waters of youth: I hear them rumble with their sudden splashes,
my life before me quickly flashes

Only seeing hatred, everyone has ceased to be kind,
I find no one to understand my frame of mind.
They push and push; I’m on the edge,
Heavenly visages jumping from the ledge

Why? Why can no one seem to understand?
I don't need them to hold my hand.
All I ask is that they stop their hateful lies,
Before my life slowly passes before my eyes

Objectiveness is all I see,
But why can’t they see the good in me?
Nothing would be greater than painless, endless death;
I am in longing for my dying breath.

My thoughts are all always confusing,
But yet, everyone seems to find it amusing
Paranoia besets me as I fall from grace,
I have been disowned, and now I must conceal my face

The world around me slowly turns,
Much slower than this fire inside me burns.
Not much about me will they miss,
when they see me being plunged into the void less abyss.

Accepting all they see in front as reality,
no one can speak for but what they see.
My soul has been crushed, I won't revive,
I remain in a hopeless dream, but I manage to stay alive.

Just then, I run and jump through the deadly plasma portal,
to find out the worst: I am immortal.
This world has caused me so much pain,
Which I shall return in doubles during my evil reign…

________________________________________


Last Poem... :



Shattered Glass

Through the frames of my glasses, I see the figure
The figure that has taken my heart captive
The restless body-structure moves hastily through the store –
He’s got sales to score

I watch and observe,
For that is the best that I can do
My heart has betrayed me –
It has played me

Never wanting to know love,
I strayed away
And instead, I decided to focus my mind on other charades

I was doing well –
I had nearly reached adulthood clean and free from such feeling
But little did I know that it would soon start steering

That day, that fateful day in which my heart ceased to belong only to me,
Gave birth to a whole new me

The moment I saw it – I loved it
Beauty had never before been so radiant
Never had a more angelic being walked the scorching pavements of this earth
Never had an entity before expressed so much light into my withering heart

I watched,
I observed,
I analyzed –
I loved

I sought deep within my mind for flaws –
Surely he must have them!
I will locate them and lose myself in mystical criticism –
I will make myself forget!

But did I? Could I?
No – I only loved more
My heart was so submerged in this feeling of infatuation, lust, tenderness, and blind love
That all flaws I once might have been agile to perceive, were nothing but graceful tints

Oh, heart! How could you have done this! Why must I love but not be loved?
Oh, Angels of Venice hear the woes of my impaling heart!
Hear its cries and heal them with your Heavenly touch!
Forget… forget – I must forget
This is something that will never me mine
But will instead envelop my heart and soul with brine –

I want to go in, but I know that I mustn’t
For surely, my heart will fail me yet again

So, I resolve – with much pain and horror from my heart- that I must bid farewell
Life, like a casing of colored glass that covers your life, will stain the white effulgence of your existence,
But even worse is love; love for the wrong person,
For it will make you wish upon the vanishing of your existence

I must leave, and leave soon –
My heart is dumb –
I cannot love this man!
He is married:
Married and forbidden

Did you not notice, Heart?
Yes – you did, but you cared not
You saw not the marital ties –
All you saw was a figure – A figure to which my heart was soon to be rendered
But I know this cannot be
So instead – I shall flee

And just as I am about to leave the unearthly scene,
I turn around to look once more through the glass that separates my heart from its love –
And I see him move hastily across the store –
He’s got sales to score

He sees me and smiles, for I’m a customer, too
I smile back, and as I turn, shed a tear
Never did he know what I felt –
And never shall he know,
For he belongs, and always will belong to another heart ---
No matter how much my heart may be torn apart.


Please, please... reply away. Oh! And tell me which you liked best, yeah ?

[DSgamer]

WOW they are nice....sexy kinda ^_^

they are good, i liked shattered glass best

[ssjtrunks13]

I think all of them are great, I mean I didn't think they'd be that long and I never had to write a poem that long.

My favorite is A Name Written in Gold.

[Redpyramidhead]

Oh, Mena! I am so pleasantly impressed, but not surprised. Talking to you so often and listening to the way you speak it's no wonder you have a bit of a knack for such things Your poetry seems to be unusually empowering. A true quality of potential about to go outta control once harnessed...take over the world, girl!

I liket Shattered Glass the best, not necessarily cuz you told me a little bit the story behind it at all, but much more because it is one of the most romantic reads about young love and the confusion involved I have read recently. I like the way you write it as a roller coaster ride almost, whether intended or not, just like love is. PEACE and keep them coming!


_RED_ stuff