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[linkkiller31]

I have a really cool story here it is it's called a bounty Hunter's Christmas
Bounty hunters, the lowest form of law out there. They’d do
any thing to get their man anything. well thats what I heard
anyway’s my name is spike and im a 26 year old bounty hunter. the
year is 6043 we don’t use cars for vehicles any more. infact cars
haven’t been used in over 2500 years. After the hovercrafts and
spaceships came out cars kinda went downhill. Ive had a lot of
cases in my time, but this one me and Jack my partner have been
working on is a real tufee. The bounties name is Chris Cringle well
at least thats what we call him. The reason for this is because
over the last two Christmases there have been over twenty
murders. We didn’t think they were all linked together until we
found the lists. A list that had all the people names that he had
killed and was going to. The weird thing is when we tried to look
the names up we couldn’t find any info on them oh well. Also at
the end of each list it was signed from north pole with love Chris
Cringle. thats sick, Me and Jack thought for how big his bounty
was there would be more hunters on him well we were wrong.
Theres only 12 hunters on him this guys way to good for some
hunters to get. Some of the hunters that have gone after for a
long time have gone crazy or mysteriously died. Or some just give
up, Well I don’t give up that easily. Ha plus theres a 60 billion
dollar bounty on his head. With that me and Jack will be able to
fix up are headquarters the Medallion. Ya shes a buet but last
year on another bounty chase for a insane assain it got beat up
pretty bad. Also Jack has be dien for some upgrades on his
bounty ship the scavenger. My ship shes still holden up good all
black pearl. But still this case will be hard this guy doesn’t leave
any thing no finger prints nothin. Theres no sign of struggle with
the victims just nice and clean. Also what makes it even harder is
that all twenty murders were done one 4 different planets. 5 on
mars, 5 on Jupiter, 5 on Saturn, and 5 on Zion or as formally none
as earth. Infact thats were our next stop is good all earth were I
was born and raised. In a nice smoggy trashy metropolis city area.
Infact almost 97% of Zion is covered in cities its a shame. Ever
since AI (artificial intelligence) came out the robots have been
doing everything for humans. So the more robots made the more
cities built for robots to live in. People don’t even have to work
any more, the robots sell things, make things, they do everything.
Stupid pile of cans. There have been a lot of rumors going around
about the anti AI groups called the red dragons. They want to
cause a universe wide riot against al robots and any one who
apose them psychos. But thats a whole different case. Well here
comes Jack wonder what he wants. “we will be landing any time
spike” thanks Jack. I’ll go get my things ready. When I say my
things you got to know im talking about my good all 9mm, and
jacks sawed-off shotgun. Sure the technology moved up but
people stick with the old weapons. (incoming message) “whos that
Spike” I dont know hey its Dennis my old bounty hunter friend.
Whats up Dennis. ( nothin much Spike I found some people that
might know some things about your friend Chris Cringle) What
gimee the addresses( hold on Spike let me get the one..... ah here
it is. OK it is on 18346 A street) A street?( ya after they built all
the cities they changed all the street names to numbers and
letters.) O.K.(the A street is on level 1) what how many levels are
there.( six levels, the guys name is Joe he said he had some deals
with Chris in the past. Joes had a few felonies so I told him
they’d get erased if he talked) all right so your business really
has the power to erase that stuff.( were the government we can
get away with anything now a day’s ha ha ha) Crooked
government(hey your a low down bounty hunter you have no room
to talk.) Ya well thanks for the info Dennis ( wait spike
ther)click...... “why did you hang up on him spike” He got me mad
“typical well lets go” ya “what are we taking spike” good all black
pearl. “that old thing” she hasn’t failed me yet jack and I dont
see her doing it any time soon. “spike I dont know why you dont
sell that hunk of junk” Its got me through to much to get rid of
Jack to much” ya whatever lets go” Bones be a good dog and
guard the medallion when were gone “woof” lets lift off Jack “All
right spike” Jack im gonna go lay down so wake me when were
there..... “spike wake up were here” Whats all that screaming out
side “oh thats just the red dragons at it again protesting the
robots” Oh same all same all I cant stand those guy’s, there the
ones causing the real problem here. “ya I agree and all those
rumors about the riots could affect are case” well lets go see are
man Jack “all right” now lets see were the heck is A street “over
there Spike see that crackup up street” Man this place is a dump
now lets see 18344 18345 ah her we go 18346. “I wonder if hes
home” I dont know lets go find out though (knock knock....) “no
one is answering” well lets go check inside. hello is anyone here,
Joe we need to talk to you we were sent by Dennis. Were the
bounty hunters “do you hear that Spike in the back room” ya it
sounds like a TV, lets go check it out, time to come out 9 it might
be your turn “Why do you talk to your gun” I dont know I just do
“whatever lets just go” This house is a wreck reminds me of the
medallion ha “so are all the rooms but theres nothin in them
except the TV” Flip the light on Jack “all right” [click] look
theres a holo gram over there can you turn it on Jack “shure
Spike” <The holo gram said> Spike Dennis told me you were
coming but I had to get out of here because Nick spandler or as
you call Chris Cringle was coming to kill me. He heard about me
talking to the government. He has got spies everywhere well that
DVD will explain everything about him. Well see ya later Spike or
maybe not <End transmission> So his name is Nick SPandler were
have I heard that name before “ ya it does sound familiar” Oh
well lets just watch the movie “got the popcorn ha ha” shut up
Jack “no lets see what remote turns it on.... ah here we go.” cool.
<This is what the video said> Nick spandler one of the worlds
greatest scientist in the universe. He is the man that created the
First AI a simple robot that does home chores. AS time went on
Nick created more and more advanced robots. The newest robots
he created are so life like you cant even tell there machines. He
went as far as to put human organs and skin with robot parts to
make a super human. The robots had all the human emotions love,
hope, anger, pain. But then in the year 6036 a tradigity struck.
Nick had been testing a new robot at home it was one of his
finest pieces. So that night Nick and some of his colleges went
out to celebrate and Nick left his wife and child at home with the
bot. And then the robot malfunctioned it seems Nicks son Jason
Spandler told the machine it wasn’t real but a robot. The robot
with human emotions went into a confused rage of anger killing
the wife and child. As Nick came home that night the robot tried
to hide the bodies. Then the robot told Nick they left town for
some reason. But Nick seeing the blood on the robots hands knew
the robot had malfunctioned. The robot and Nick got into a
struggle the robot struck Nick leaving a huge scar but in the end
Nick destroyed the robot. After this moment in time Nick hated
robots with all his heart thus creating the group called the red
dragons. Nick destroyed all his data and the lab he worked in.
That Nick made a solemn promise to him self that he would
destroy all robots everywhere. The night the Murder happened
happened was December 25 Christmas. Nick then changed his
name to Chris Cringle. When the police checked the house all
they found was one of the lists and at the top of the list was
Nick Spandler as if Chris had killed him. So actually the reason
you couldn’t find any info on the people murdered was because
they were robots. The robots were made so good police couldn’t
even tell the difference. After the bodies were sent away the
government took them at nothing else was said. Oh yes one more
thing the rumors about the riots of the robots and the red
dragons are true. But it gets worse the blue dragons are helping
out the red too. The leader of the blue dragons is Louis Parker.
Yes I know you have heard his name before thats because he’s
the murderer that got freed from prison. From the secret person
well that person was Nick. Nick and Louis both hate robots and
both have groups of destruction. This spells chaos Spike pure
Chaos. Well thats all I know on this subject Spike I hope you
catch your man. Maybe after you can use your bounty money to
join me on paradise planet ha ha ha Seeya Spike. oh ya I almost
forgot the riot will happen on Christmas so check the date <End
Video> “well that was interesting ha Spike oh ya the date is the
twenty fourth so only one day” Ya well that gives u....creek..... did
you hear that Jack “what” Just follow me Jack. [shattering glass]
“The Red Dragons” Shoot Jack shoot...click [gun shots
everywhere]
wait for the rest of the story

[Faile]

You need to punctuate that properly if anyone is ever going to read through it. Paragraphs would be nice.

[Redpyramidhead]

Well, what Faile is trying to say, but didnt put so delicately, is that it is hard to keep one's attention (in any story or article what have you) if it is written that way. A lot of people just plain won'te be able to follow the script because they are not used to reading things that sound like a stream of conciousness.

I have a suggestion for you. What I did read sounded interesting, so go back and add some punctuation and seperate some paragraphs. If you need help with that have somebody proofread it. Being a bit of a writer I would hate to tell somebody who sounds to have so much enthusiasm something is simply not good enough. good luck

_RED_ stuff