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[tempted]

Love online..reality or mistake?

Ok i guess this can be a controversial subject but is love in cyberspace really possible? Some of you might be avid supporters, while others completely disagree. Does the chance of love depend on the individuals? Is technology a way to find your soulmate who could live across the country or way on the other side of the world, or is it just a complete waste of time?
I have read a number of opinions about whether or not it is possible or wise to find true love over the internet..but i also noticed that the media only reports stories of people who fall in love and get married or some kind of horror story about the subject.
I guess that nowdays is really hard to find a true love,since people are always too busy to have time to connect with one another..
I'm a person who loves to talk to people and the reason i go for online conversations is because in my "real" life i do not have them as much as i would like to,as some of you here in this forum already know, but as much as i like chatting online falling for someone is something i can never picture happening to me simply because i'm an eye contact person, i have to know all about someone to actually fall for him, i need to actually see how the person reacts to daily situations, how the person acts around other people,the persons way of dressing,looking, eating and all that sort of stuff that may not seem important but are the things that show you how that person really is,obviously i know that one can be more open and true online, like there's things about me that i told people i know from the internet that some people who know me for years will never know,i guess there a logical explanation for how i act like this with some of my online "friends" but i have no idea of wich one it is.
So opinion on this issue is No i don't believe in this whole online love thing..how can someone truly say they are in love with someone,if they don't even know the real person,i mean it's is easier for people to disguise their true selves online than when they are talking to your face,i mean i never say never ,cause i know that if i actually could meet some of the people who i only know online i could develop some feelings for them but in the end it all resumes to actually know someone in "real" life, so i'm almost sure this will not happen to me...i need to know the whole of someone to truly say "i'm in love".

So that's it guys i just want to know what's your opinion on this subject..i thik it's an interesting issue so bring on the discussion..

[Rei]

I changed my mind more than once on this subject. I do trust people who think they can find or they have found a soul mate on the internet, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do the same. I simply don't feel like I could trust a person I can't meet in person, not completely, I'd need to have the "eye contact" you were talking about in your post. I need to hear or see the person when I'm in a relationship. Obviously not everyday or every 5 minutes, but I wouldn't feel like starting a serious love relation with someone I will never meet or I haven't met yet. Though, this is something that depends on the person. I think everybody has needs and beliefs that are pretty different, so for someone the fact of not knowing somebody in person doesn't represent a problem to be involved or fall in love, and I can accept that without problems.

[Vicious_2003]

Well first of all it IS possible. Thats been proven. Many people have met online and eventually gotten married and supposedly live very happy lives together. I think your chances of finding true love over the interenet may not be as good as if say, you met them face to face in a club or something, I dunno.

But lets take a look at what makes a relationship really last. Its nothing visual, if it were all visual no one would stay together, theyd get tired of one another in a hurry. Sure being visually attracted is important, but i think it becomes less important as you get to know them and love them for who they are on the inside. Its that addiciton to anothers spirit, that true love for the person as a whole that keeps two people together. And online theres more of a focus on whats inside simply because you dont see or experience whats on the outside as much. So why not ? I think its a great medium to find love if done correctly. But living with someone and chattign with the over aim from 2 thousand miles away are two VERY different thing. The internet may get your foot in the door, but its not going to earn you a lasting relationship or marriage. That takes alot more work

[tempted]

Originally Posted by Vicious_2003

Sure being visually attracted is important, but i think it becomes less important as you get to know them and love them for who they are on the inside.

Well i also think that in the end the really important thing is the inside, but how can someone actually say they've fallen fall in love with someone if they've never seen and met ..how can someone really and truly say he or her is in love with someone who as far as i can see can be a total diferent person from what they say they are..and like you said visual becomes less important when poeple get to know each other better but how can that happen if they've never met..i'm just saying it's impossible to really know someone if you don't know them IRL.

[goodman]

Ive been on Match.com off and on (now off) for three years. Personally, i say no, but thats me, others obviously have, but where it goes from there for them, God only knows. Im not the average 45 year old person. Most people my age have been married at least once (usually twice), have a few kids at home, a mortgage, a busy job, tremendous pressures from all over the place, and are juggling several things at one time. Due to the circumstances, its difficult meeting someone who has the freedom or desire to find the freedom, to share the time, or the experiences, with me that i have available... So, in all honesty, the internet isnt really the question so much as it is the person. Personals have been around forever in various forms, and ive been involved with them through one form or another since 1989. Ever since i was a teen ive listened to women and men who have had personal turmoil through their relationships, and ive always tried to detect and see where i may have a problem with a person, so that i may avoid the mistakes that so many seem to make, and continue to make.... While that can lead to a somewhat less risk taking stance in regards to the direction and amount of relationships i seek, i figure in the long run i will meet the person i am much more likely to have a successful relationship with. There is no question in my mind, and i bet a few on this board, that if a person holds out (while sampling some of the desserts along the way...) and doesnt marry out of insecurity or some other reason that will fade, they will be much happier, even if they have to spend time alone, or in contemplation, of finding the person that is truely meant for them... Along the way, finding good friends, meeting nice people, having intelligent conversations, realizing that life doesnt revolve around you, but happiness shines through you, then you will find that you dont have to be concerned or worried about meeting someone, just being yourself, and the best representation you can be of yourself, that you leave a good feeling in people when they are around you... This is a simple truth, the more your able to spread cheer through your own personal happiness, the more people will seek your enthusiasm and appreciate it, whenever the chance occurs... Ive made the comment, and still feel its true, that happiness isnt through another person, or their company, its through you, and the love and joy that you seek in your life. Others receive that as a gift from you, its not something that happens by accident. In all honesty, so few people have this gift, that no, its not easy meeting a person on the internet, or through a singles program, because were not meant to just be with anybody or any situation, if we have our life set up for happiness, integrity, and security, only that rare person who shares the same abilities you have will fulfill your ambitions, your needs, and your desires...

[Infernal Mass]

I'll try to put this in a few sentences. It's not that i'm in a hurry, and i take this subject serious. I just believe in trying to get to the point in few words..

Finding a soul mate is next to impossible. Everyone has their differences, however if you have access to a means by which you can reach more people. Then i think it is more probable that someone may find their soul mate.

[Vicious_2003]

True. But I think the whole idea of a Soul Mate is something conjured up by romantic dreamers. The idea that there is one person out there who is perfect for you, and who your meant to meet and be with for the rest of your life is obsured IMO.

I think any two people who are attracted to eachother and are both willing to put all the time and effort into making a relationship last can be happy together, forever even. If this concept of soul mates was something real then there wouldnt be as many marriages lasting 60 plus years as thier has been . I just think some people have these over romantic rather fictional ideas of what love is and of who thier true love is or will be. I attribute this to people taking too much from these romantic comedys. Im sorry ladys and gents, but love isnt like its portraid in Serindipity* . If thats what your looking for your setting yourself up for dissapointment

[tempted]

Originally Posted by Vicious_2003

True. But I think the whole idea of a Soul Mate is something conjured up by romantic dreamers. I just think some people have these over romantic rather fictional ideas of what love is and of who thier true love is or will be. I attribute this to people taking too much from these romantic comedys. Im sorry ladys and gents, but love isnt like its portraid in Serindipity* . If thats what your looking for your setting yourself up for dissapointment

Wow i couldn't agree more with you on this...but and since the thread's subject in finding love on line...there's actually ridiculous to see that there's actually peopple who go on to chatrooms and that sort of stuff just seeking someone to date, meaning just to look for someone who they could fall in love for..if people can do that on the internet why not use it outside..in the end people would have to meet to be together ...so my point is how hard can it be to seek that "special" person IRL..if they have to live in "real" life why not date IRL as well..

[goodman]

True to all, and without a doubt the reason its worth being somewhat speculative in seeking a person who at least exemplifies your own character traits is why be with someone who doesnt really match your attitude and personality (in my case subdued, passive, laid back, relatively low key under most situations)? They say opposites attract, and while for some thats true, i generally am not attracted to someone who is a real fast paced, high anxiety, causes problems instead of solves them, a chronic whiner/loser in the game of love and finance, where the game is really played.... Upbeat, articulate types are what i seek and need, a interest in the arts, classical and all types of music, and a level head on their shoulders... But without a doubt the perfect person is only a thought pattern, certainly not a given that there is one out there. Now being a believer in a Supreme Being, i do feel led to think that there is someone up there who can arrange things...

[Berserker]

I think you can, but you just have to meet irl and spend enough time together to really get to know someone. You can't go blindly with someone only based on the conversations you have most of the time a look or movement says more than an 3 hour chat session. You'll have to meet irl but if you really want to that's always possible, so I don't know why it wouldn't work.

[goodman]

Getting to the meeting point isnt an easy thing. Part of the reason women in particular try the internet for dating is they can be both anonymous and have a great deal of distance between themselves and that male counterpart. I have no problem at all having conversations with a woman in Utah, 1700 miles away. She even gave me her phone number, as if i care to talk to her that badly. Ive had attractive, single, no kids, very active, like me, females, who live in the same area. Well, since were so close its a no-go, because basically they are on the internet just playing around, and yanking your chain, so to speak. After three years of dealing with it, im pretty much done. I visit free sites but other than that dont waste the time or money anymore... Love is found by some, and some even find marriage. Ive talked to two girls who have been married and divorced within a year of meeting someone on Match.com. Ive never been married, and wont take it as something to do as a hobby...

[007_JamesBond]

for me, i guess no, but if people are flexable i think it could if they keep and open mind

[Uchiha Sasuke]

Personally I don't believe you can. You don't really know this person just basically who they are online and how they present themselves.

[goodman]

From personal experience id say the odds are very small, like infinitesimal...

[Berserker]

I don't believe in that forced meeting/dating period irl or the net. And people always present themselve irl and the net if you meet someone in a club all dressed up wanting to party you can have a blast but it ain't party 24/7 so how will that person be in normal daylife? You can't tell right away, you can go with someone for a few months and everything is beautiful then rough times come round the corner and you'll find out how someone turns out to be if they support you or just think oh well it was nice while it lasted CYA!
But I still think you can meet someone through a medium like the net, just don't buy into that match/meeting/chat crap IMO.
You can only truly get to know someone in the long run IRL, but the net can be a starting point.

[goodman]

It can be a starting point for those few who are truely sincere, many are kinda like forum roamers, they dont ever join or participate, but want to see whats going on. Many women on this one service i tried for a month werent even paying for the service, so although they had a profile, since they didnt pay for the service, they couldnt actually participate. Lotta scams out there, for sure, now if i was a single young person, id kinda be interested more in dating on the net, lotta cute young ladies out there for sure...

[Berserker]

I've got the feeling that your basing your judgment soly on your experiences with those datingservices, but their are a lot more ways to get to know people on the net than those dating/matchmaking services(which seem to be a terrible waste of time in my eyes).

[goodman]

Well, that is the method ive used, but please do fill me in on other methods, Zerk...

[Berserker]

I'm not an expert in this, but isn't it possible to meet someone on a forum of which you share mutual interests or through other websites. Kinda in a way where it doesn't all resolve around dating or trying to match people but where you get to know people in a more relaxed way.
Maybe when you have a hobby like growing fruit(couldn't think of anything else sorry) and you mingle in an online community about that hobby maybe just maybe you'll find some one like-minded and it could turn out right, changes are very slim I know but bigger than a dating-add IMO.
A woman I know met some guy in Norway through a shared interest in history and are currently living together with a baby in Holland, so you'll never know it's possible that's for sure.

[goodman]

Yeah ive got a friend who is into Nascar and has chatted with a few women that way. Im sure mutual interest stuff can be an option. Again, though, being far away from someone generally can make it tough... I almost met a girl in Canada back around 911. We had chatted a good while, and had hit it off fairly well. I was gonna go see her, but right after 911 the desire to fly was pretty low, so instead just continued to communicate with her. Im glad i did, though, because i found out that basically she is a lot busier person than i would care to consider dating, always running from one place to another... And since im from the deep South, and warm weather, i dont think physically i would fit into a cold weather climate very well...