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Apr 13th, 2002, 01:22 PM | #1 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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invincible part 6
from this point on it might seem a little hazy because I revised and finished it since I posted the last part, hope you enjoy
I made my way up to the smoking, baron building, with ease. When I opened the door there was almost nothing out of the ordinary, which got me uneasy. I felt that way because they killed a person over live television and there would be blood everywhere. I found none, it looks as if the force never was even there. I see a door to my left that reads Stage Entrance, I believe that this is the place where the news was shot. I opened the door and found nothing, absolutely nothing. Over in the corner I spot a small fire burning, but this was no ordinary fire for some reason it was just confined to this little space in the corner, I walk over to it, and on the wall in blood was written a note, it read, We have her, and she will die. At this time I must have had about a million different thoughts running through my head at once. If this was the same studio that the people were killed in where were the bodies? The blood? If it was not the same studio where was it? The most important question to me was, Where was my sister? Chapter VIII Back to the Station I then decided to leave this empty station, as I left I saw a small but distinct trail of blood leading from the station, was it another trap or not? There was only one way to find out. I decided to fallow it to see what was on the other end of this trail. It led me out side, through alleys and side streets. It took me on a goose chase I will admit that, anyway I followed it for about an hour, till then all of a sudden around this last corner, I saw the broadcast station. Son of a B*tch, it led me is a goddamn circle. I better check it out though incase I missed something. In fact there was something that I noticed had changed since I last had been here. The doors were now ripped off, as if a tornado just ripped through the place. Oh my god that means that I just missed them, they were tracking me but in some twist of fate they came here again after me, they did not find me because I left after the trail of blood, which means that I am now tracking them, how fun the game is a foot. I enter the wrecked building, in a slow, quiet manner. I crept around all the corners with not a single sound, till I got to the room that I started my trail in, the Stage Entrance. I opened the door slowly, so quiet that it did not even squeak, I peered inside the room, and saw them just standing there pondering how they missed me, and all that I can do is laugh. I walked in slowly and crept up on them, and as I got closer I noticed that they were holding a person. “This will get him to come,” the members of this force said. “No, it is not her it can not be,” I said. They dropped this near lifeless person to the ground, I heard a cry come from it though, so it was still alive. I then walked out of the shadows with my guns drawn, in hopes that they would just leave, of course it was not that easy. They looked at me, as I starred back. I looked down at the body, and not to my surprise it was my sister. They somehow knew that I held affection for this person, so the largest member, the same one that dropped her, raised its mighty foot above her tiny head and slammed it down. The force crushed her instantly. A single tear drops from my eye, and then my eyes were as cold as ice, the message that they sent was piercing, it made me loose my sense of reality for a moment much like the time before, I flashed blue yet again but this time it was only momentarily. like I said before sorry if the story is hazy( going blue ect)
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Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Apr 13th, 2002, 02:55 PM | #2 |
Puerto Rican Knight
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: In a Bar, Under the Sea
Posts: 513
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Don't worry! The story is really interesting as it is.
I think the last parts are very good. It was a good idea to add more details of thoughts and feelings and less action, so it won't become boring after few chapters. Again: great job! |
Apr 14th, 2002, 03:54 PM | #3 | |
Useless Oracle™
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5,136
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Quote:
It's becoming more and more interesting to read. |
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Apr 14th, 2002, 03:58 PM | #4 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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Thanks you guys, like I said I added nine pages and I think that I am finished so if it seems a little off, I revised the first parts to make the story better
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Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Apr 15th, 2002, 07:46 PM | #5 |
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Um...? *Pulls out map*
Age: 40
Posts: 1,887
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Whoa I didn't realise you posted the next chapter already!!
But I've got to say, I really like it, I think it is really good and well written. I like how you've written how the guy is thinking and everything Its sad though that his sister dies He doesn't have much luck, but that is how the story goes and it also makes it very different and good as well Keep it up, this story is getting better and better each time you post the next part to it!
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"I'm back! But for how long who knows? But PS2Fantasy will always be on my mind!" |
Apr 21st, 2002, 05:41 AM | #6 |
Now or Never
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Zürich
Age: 42
Posts: 2,456
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Wow! I'm really getting into this story now!
It's a shame I couldn't reply before! Just a question: Bond, do you know the ending yet or not? |
Apr 21st, 2002, 01:04 PM | #7 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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Oh yes Ido know the ending I finished it and I think that you will like the ending
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Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Apr 24th, 2002, 12:21 AM | #8 |
just a rolling stone
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: of what?
Posts: 1,561
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The more I see, the more I get impressed! You guys are so talented! This is the first part I've read JB and it's really good! And I agree, it is very well writen. Great job !!
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Apr 24th, 2002, 11:36 AM | #9 |
Angel of Darkness
Joined: Jan 2002
Location: Everywhere, but then again nowhere
Age: 38
Posts: 1,692
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Thank you but I will be posting my story soon
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Vini Vidi Vici victory comes to those who want it the most i am only mearly surviving |
Jun 13th, 2002, 09:46 PM | #10 |
Banned
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: Zapadocesky Czech Republic
Age: 41
Posts: 298
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Cool invincible poem's. Nice work Bond!!!
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Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
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invincible part 7 | 007_JamesBond | Creativity Forum | 10 | May 1st, 2002 07:24 PM |
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